Saturday, August 20, 2011

The End of Something Beautiful!!! Plus Before & After Pics!


One year ago, I posted on my Facebook page that I had started a fitness boot camp class. I started blogging and I posted it to my FB.

That first blog had NO comments. 0. No one thought I could do it, who could blame them? I'd tried and tried before and failed each and every time. The problem was, I didn't THINK I could do it. I never pushed through anything except work.

In fact, I know many people who thought it weird that I would post very personal information like my weight or a journey like weight loss on Facebook or even create a blog! But, truth be told, I had nothing to hide. I got support and was able to support others on the journey. My ego isn't so big that I can't admit when I'm doing something wrong and trying to make it right. (ie, letting my weight get out of control and getting it back under control).

I had a goal and I've succeeded in the first part of it.Whether you like my pictures, or you judge them and see the same imperfections I see...I am just me and I am EXTREMELY proud of how far I've come and can't WAIT to get to the final product, completely fit and 18% body fat.

The first day of boot camp was brutal. I remember it VERY well. I cried and I almost threw up. I couldn't keep up, I skipped exercise after exercise, panting uncontrollably at times. By the end of that first week, I could barely walk. In fact, the very first day I could barely walk, I couldn't even sit down without crying out in pain.

During the second week, I was actually COMPLETING exercises. It was crazy to me. I had stuck with it and saw major results.

One year later I am OFFICIALLY down 75lbs, meeting my first goal of 145 (145.6 to be exact) with 10 more pounds to go to reach my ultimate goal by my 30th birthday of 135.

I am embarking on Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred (I started Monday) and hoping that this along with HIIT 3x a week, my strength training at the gym and my low cal diet, that I can reach that 135 goal. However, I would be just as happy with a firmer tummy and inches coming off.

I have FINALLY realized it isn't all about weight...inches are just as important and I wish wish wish that I would have measured myself when first starting. However, I know that since December I have lost about 35inches at the very least all over my body.

Start: 220




I wonder, if I don't FEEL 30...does that mean I am still 24?

Xoxo! Next update will be when I reach 135! Or ...if I don't make it by my birthday, I shall just post birthday photos!

I seriously can't thank you all enough, the love and support you EACH have shown me has done astounding things for it's time to move on to the next chapter of my life! Many thanks and MANY MANY hugs!!!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The 12 Week Get Down or LAY DOWN Challenge! Plus a Tummy Picture (my first one!)

So, what the hell is happening to my body?! Inches are falling off, but the weight does NOT want to come off. In fact, it is REFUSING TO. it goes. I'm going to finally take the plunge, say my weight loud and proud and also even post a tummy picture!

NOT because I am settling, I'm not. Hello, if you know me you know that is just NOT me. But because I always want to keep it 100 with EVERYONE and so many friends have reached out to me over the past few months with struggles of their own and seeing all of them losing weight with my guidance and their sheer perseverance has really just touched a cord in me. I could care less if people are judging the tummy picture or MY NUMBER.

The number isn't really the issue any more, it's my fat vs. muscle! I have got to lose 20lbs of fat within the next 12 weeks so I'm setting myself up for success. I have a plan laid out and yes even a cute poster board with inspirational pictures and outfits etc and yes it may be a bit nerdy but damn that's the Virgo in me coming out!

Forgive me if I am rambling as I am swamped and have to get this up for all of you, because I will be posting a breakdown later in the week of what exactly this inspirational board is and what else I'll be posting on this 12 week journey. My goals etc and I HOPE that some of you follow along with me, ESP if you're looking to lose those last 10-30!

After much debate, here is the 1st tummy picture which will be updated every four weeks and help keep my ass on track. It's not perfect and the Lord knows I have major work to do on it but it is a FAR cry from 65lbs ago!

I currently weigh 156.2 (with a goal of 135 tentatively) so, here it is:

I am currently in a size 8 jean and would prefer to be in a 6 or possibly a 4 depending on how much weight there is of fat left after the next 20lbs. There is MAJOR work to be done there and I don't ever want to kid anyone by sucking in or ish like that and I'll probably post some side views once I'm a BIT happier with the shape...I should probably also do arm photos etc. One thing you will NEVER see is my ass. Until it is as big as JLO's....I refuse. LOL

Anyway, I have GOT to get going to Spinning class as I'm going to try to do the hardest cardio in classes as possible because it seems when I work out on my own, I do about 35 minutes cardio and call it quits. If group classes work best for you, GET ON IT!!

I'll post more tomorrow or Friday!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!


ps. I wore my first (what could be considered) Little Black Dress on Monday night and it was kind of AMAZING!!! I also tried on this BCBG dress I could've NEVER have worn back in the day, I almost got it but then remembered I still have 20lbs to go!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Plateau'ing Beauty!

As you all know after your body loses a bunch of weight sometimes it believes you are in a healthy place or sometimes you just plateau. I am plateauing right now and let me just tell you, it's NOT a good feeling! While I may be losing inches (and half inches) and getting tighter in areas, the weight isn't falling off at the same pace it was. That's not to say I'm not losing, I just don't find 0.2-0.6lbs each week (over a course of 3 weeks) acceptable. It's cool say, every other other week, but not every week. So it was time to keep it movin...I think the most important thing for me to mention is that it's not just about LOSING WEIGHT, more so for me I'm trying to lose FAT and keep and gain more muscle.
Therefore I have implemented a stricter work out routine and also a program called HIIT!

If you haven't heard of HIIT, this article explains it pretty well: Distance Running vs. Interval Training

However, if you don't want to read that article, here is an excerpt of the benefits of HIIT:
"In addition to burning more calories and fat, interval training is thought to provide other health benefits that endurance running can't. For example, it appears to limit the loss of muscle that sometimes accompanies weight loss. Many advocates of HIIT also point out the better—i.e. more attractive, more muscular—physique of sprinters as compared to long-distance runners. And finally, numerous studies suggest that prolonged endurance running might have negative effects on heart health".

So there you have it, most studies and doctors tell you not to do this if you are out of shape...I am starting to reconsider how IN SHAPE I am! LOL Jk...sorta! Anyway, They also say you shouldn't do this more then 2-3 times a week, I will be implementing this in 3x a week. I already LOVE the definition in my legs so I can not wait to see the results in a few months of HIIT, here's hoping it works out for me! That said, continuing strength training is VERY important to me. Once again, that whole skinny-fat look is SO not for me. I love seeing every little bit of definition I have, no matter how small.

I will continue to do my strength training 3x a week and cardio 5-6x a week. =) I have my calories back down to 1200-1600 a day and hoping I can keep that up, I'm DONE with the Birthday parties of the month so no more cake or cookies! That said, here is my work out routine written out for the week! Mind you, I've already done Monday - Wednesday. =)

30 minutes cardio on elliptical
3 sets of 12 Suicide Squats with 20lb dumbbell
3 sets of 10 tricep curls w/ 25lb weight
3 sets of 15 bicep curls 35lb weight
100 crunches
3 sets of 12 rows for back w/ 60lb weight

HIIT - 30seconds sprinting, 30 seconds walking repeat 12x - Seriously killer, I really thought this would be the simplest thing EVER. I thought okay so they say I can maximize my work out and that these are SO HARD but I'm going to whip right through these. Yeah, about 6 minutes in my heart was out of my body and I only kept going to save face to everyone around me. Although I suspect that everyone didn't know what I was doing and were all thinking I was a crazy lady. Oh-well I am STILL sore the next day...sooo something was done right!
20 minutes elliptical

Day Off

30 minute cardio on elliptical (Gluteal 5)
3 sets of 12 Suicide squats with 20lb dumbbell
Dumbell bench press  3 x 12 w/ 15lb weights (total 30lbs)
Cable row  3 x 12 (55lbs)
Dumbell curl  3 x 12 (20lbs)
Dumbell extension 3 x 10 (25lbs)
Sit up 3 x 25

HIIT - I'm going to do at least 12 again but aim for 15. We'll see how that goes!
20 minutes elliptical

30 minutes elliptical
Dumbell lunge 3 x 12 (15lbs - total 30)
Dumbell floor press 3 x 12 (15lbs)
Seated dumbell press 3 x 12 (15lbs)
Standing calf raise 3 x 20
Dumbell shrug 3 x 15 (15lbs)
Dumbell side bends  3 x 12-15 (20lbs)

Day Off (Will probably do a leisurely activity like play basketball with D for an hour or so). I will update when the day comes!

Monday - 
20 minutes Elliptical

30 minutes Elliptical
Dumbell step-up 3 x 12 (15lbs)
Dumbell floor press 3 x 12 (15lbs)
Lat pulldown 3 x 12 (35lbs)
Standing hammer curl 3 x 12 (20lbs)
Lying dumbell extension 3 x 12 (15lbs)
Lying floor leg raise  3 x 25

Anywayyyy, On Monday I am hopinggggg I have some good news to report of at least a one pound loss! The thing to remember is, NEVER get discouraged, don't let ANYTHING bring you down...and most of all DO NOT GIVE UP! You keep going and pushing until you reach your goal, no matter what. And my goal? To be a HEALTHY, FIT woman by 30!


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

When Apologizing Isn't Enough! - I'm Sorry! Plus WEIGH IN!

I know, I'm ready for it. If you guys were all here and in my ear and I allowed you to slap me and scream and yell would it make it better? Over the past few weeks I have received so many texts and personal visits of people telling me to UPDATE MY BLOG ALREADY!!! So here it is...I am FINALLY settled in to a routine and ready to continuously update at the very least 3-5x a week. Promise.

Well where to begin? I will have a weigh-in at the end of this post and then again on Monday (to get back on track) even if it doesn't move much.

So here's the thing...the more I lose, the harder it is to get the weight to come off. Sometimes I only lose 0.4 in a week! That's crazy to me because I still remember that first week of losing 7lbs! LOL (of water weight!) but then I watch the Biggest Loser and even on shows like that those people are gaining! I NEVER gain. Okay, I won't say never, I should say, I try to never gain =) But when it's that TOM...ugh don't even get me started on TOM. Although I do love the big whoosh downwards after it's all over, damn water weight!

Anywayyyy, moving on. This past weekend was my very good friend Dr. T's 30th Birthday. She has been a friend of mine for over 9 years from when I first moved to NJ. She invited me into her circle of friends with open arms and while all of us are goin through major life changes right now  (I'm talking seriously, she just had a baby and got married, another just got engaged, one just graduated law school and here I am trying to get healthy and drop this weight!). With our busy schedules it's rare we all can get together at once so this dinner was going to be a great night for that!

There's one of the ladies in particular that I always love to see and chat with! (and one not so much haha) anyway, to me she has always been the epitome of beauty! Hell, they all have. When I first moved here from my county ass town I used to wonder if I'd EVER be able to pull off the styles they wore etc...I don't think I have even mastered that yet but hell, I've come a long way lol. Anyway, let's call her Cee for short.

I see Cee as the epitome of beauty and class really. I've never looked at her weight as being an issue EVER. Yet here she was telling me she wanted to lose 10lbs. I sat there and looked her up and down and couldn't see ANY part of her that I wouldn't have wanted to be before I learned I could lose weight and learn to love my body. It's interesting because I look in the mirror now and D shows me where he can see my abs forming and I am STILL not happy. I don't think I can or will EVER be happy til I get down to my goal weight!

Wait, I am happy. I'm just not ...SATISFIED. That's what I should say. Because don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE looking in the mirror now. Hell, I do it when I wake up, after a shower, after brushing teeth, just when passing BY a mirror and again before bed. The mirror is my new bff! But it's just so weird to me because I still see SO much more work that has to be done...but did I mention I wear a size 8 in pants now? Yes man. It's true.

Alas, what can ya do? I guess it is crazy that I've lost 60+ lbs and still have 20+ to go. It boggles my mind where I was 7 months ago but damn, how much longer til I've lost 80 and can finally just say...YEAH IM HERE!!!

Tomorrow (or Friday) I will blog and give you guys my work out schedule so you can see what I do weekly and if you have any tips or need any, we can be there for each other. =)


So it's been awhile but the last time I did a weigh-in (on this blog, trust I do them at home once a week), it was March 1st. And if I'm being honest with myself, the weight just isn't coming off as fast, and if I'm being even MORE honest with myself, I could cut back on the yummy food a little bit more.

So here is what I wrote as of March 1st 2011:

I lost 2lbs this week bringing me to a total of 57.8lbs lost in 28 weeks. 26lbs to go! Let's GO!!!!!

Now it brings us to April 13th 2011 (today!) and this is where I'm at: I have lost a total of 4.2lbs since March 1st, bringing my total weight loss to 62 pounds in 34 weeks. I could have done better DEFINITELY, regardless of my body slowing down. I do go to the gym religiously, I think it's more just me getting back on track with my eating habits.

Of course any weight loss is always a good weight loss but I'd like to average that 2lbs a week again. I know it may not be logical but can a sister at least average a full 1 pound a week? That was like a 0.8 average up there!

Anyway, when I lose 7 more pounds I will be OFFICIALLY giving you my weight. Those closest to me already knew my starting weight and they know my current but, at 7 more pounds I'll feel comfortable enough to shout it out. Hell, it may need to be 13 more pounds lol anyway...I love you guys and if you're reading, LET ME KNOW (since ahem* some of you told me you read and love it but don't comment!) don't be a ghost reader! I am NOT a ghost writer!


Sidebar: I ran my first mile without stopping a couple of weeks ago and was able to run 2.1miles in 23 minutes. of course this may not seem like much to you, but to me, I'm just proud I was able to finish! Trying to work my way up to 3 miles in under 30 minutes, even if it takes all year. =)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


A lottttt going on in my life right now! Including, me joining a gym!

Davis and I have finally joined the same gym and I will definitely keep you guys updated on that and all of the classes they offer! It's time for me to move on and spread my wings for a bit, as my disdain of the way Boot Camp handled the challenge and how the fitness testing was done really got to me and pissed me off. I had to accept that and move on. It got me so far and now I have to go even further and I have got to venture out and see how certified trainers teach and influence! I want to learn all I can!

I have GOT to shake these last 23lbs before the summer hits! I don't care if I have to work out 2-4 hours a day 5x a week to get there!

Motivation was lacking, especially since my personal life took over and I had to deal with all of the issues there. Fortunately, I've gotten really good at maintaining and gained nothing during that time. Hopefully I can drop a pound or two by next Monday and let you guys know my official weigh-in numbers, which WILL be posted on Monday so stay tuned for that blog.

As of Monday, I will be back to regularly updating and all that jazz and soooo I look forward to sharing the stats and updates with you all!!!


Thursday, March 10, 2011

New Challenge and DEFINITELY a New Day.

So, hello!

It's taken me a minute to write because I've been trying to let my anger subside so that the words that come through aren't harsh or filled with venom or bitterness. =)

As many of you know, I placed 2nd in the BC Challenge. Happy? No. The thing is, when the challenge began, had I been smart and just wanted to WIN and NOT improve myself, I would have "played possum" AND/OR done my planks and push-ups on my knees. NOT wanting to do that and wanting to push myself I chose to do both on my feet in the "Male" form.

When you do those types of exercises on your knees you are able to pull in MANY more reps. For instance, I had Davis test me AFTER the challenge ended to see where I would have placed.

When doing planks on my knees I got 6minutes and 13 seconds. Whereas in the challenge when I did them in "male" form, I got 2 minutes.

When doing push-ups on my knees I got 54. Whereas in the challenge when I did them in "male" form, I did 28. These were as many as you could do in under a minute without stopping.

Not to mention when I was doing my sit-ups the mat kept falling back and forth and really messed up my groove. I was exerting so much energy just pulling the mat back to me, I should have brought my OWN mat. But alas, that was MY FAULT.

Needless to say, the judging didn't give anyone extra points for doing a male version or female version nor were we all doing the same thing. The person who came in front of me, did do her exercises on her knees.

Alas, I cannot be mad anymore. I am disappointed in myself for not THINKING but my overall results, the inches I lost, the weight I lost, etc far outweigh that. And I did it ON MY OWN. As my friend F said the other day, No one sets my alarm clock for me, no one cooks my dinner or measures out my breakfast, no one counts my calories for me and NO ONE but ME forces me to get up, get out and DO something.

In fact, I think it's time to "graduate" from BC. When I first started BC I started there because I needed the accountability AND I wanted to be in a place where I could feel comfortable around other women. At the gym, I felt overweight and hated it not to mention I could barely drag myself there.

Boot Camp has taught me SO much but I have GOT to start trying other things! Fitness IS a way of life now and when I was home in Illinois I saw how far I've come. I was teaching my family AND people at the gym what THEY should do. It was amazing. I have read SO much on everything that I feel I need to take advantage of all of my knowledge. Not to mention, I want to see what different trainers have to offer in my area.

So, I won 3 months free of BC. I'm probably going to use them all up and in the meantime I'm going to be looking at different gyms in the area. I already have a few classes lined up with other girls in the class. BC has been a blessing to me on so many levels!

So, I have 3 months to get down to my goal weight (or within 5 pounds of it) and I'm PRAYING I can reach it! I have to push myself pretty hard to get there because I know that these next few weeks of getting competely back on track won't be easy.

We start a new cycle of BC next week and I'm going to go and do the work. =) Also hitting up a few gym classes in between those days!

As far as this last week has gone, I let the challenge get me down and out and I shouldn't have. I have maintained but I have not lost any and that stops NOW.

I wanted to hit goal within a year. Once I saw that it was coming off a bit faster then I anticipated, I changed that to May 31st 2011. That would give me a little over 13 weeks to lose 25lbs. I would LOVE to do it.'s me going for it!


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Nervous...& Weigh-In

It's Tuesday and I'm nervous. The challenge is over as of Saturday.

Here's how it goes. Saturday we weigh-in, get our final measurements taken and then we have fitness testing. I MUST IMPROVE ON FITNESS TESTING! I know my measurements will be good/better, I think my weight should be fine and it's the FITNESS TESTING I must improve on. This is the part that scares me because I am in competition with NO ONE BUT MYSELF. All I have to do is improve upon MY numbers more then anyone else improves on theirs. Easy right? No!

Anyway, it's gotten to the point where I can barely sleep at night because I am SUCH a competitor I just dream up ways to win. Like literally running through numbers in my head. It's sick. UGH!

Moving on before I go postal, GREAT work out today. It truly was killer. The camera man was back today and I really enjoy him, he's a good spirit so it's easy to talk to him but man was it a horrid hair day. I would post the last video from the start of the challenge but I looked a hot mess so that is gonna have to wait til I see how I look in this one. I believe that both videos will be combined and shown at our potluck which is Saturday where the winners of the 1st ever Boot Camp Fitness Challenge will be announced!

Speaking of the awards ceremony, D is coming! Haha, it will be his first time meeting our trainer and a lot of my BC girls! I'm kind of excited for that. He and my mother have been my BIGGEST cheerleaders. In fact, my mother called me last night and gave me that whole "you're already a winner, look how far you've come" speech when I was freaking out. D just tells me I can do anything I put my mind to, thing is, he really believes it. He truly believes in me and I guess just thinks, eh, she'll do it. He's so laid back and perfect for my high strung self. It's sickening, truly, we are a really sickening PDA couple. No, really.

On that note, I'm going to tell you my weigh-in numbers.

I lost 2lbs this week bringing me to a total of 57.8lbs lost in 28 weeks. 26lbs to go! Let's GO!!!!!

Sidebar: If you haven't read last weeks blog yet, please do! Pictures are in the post as well and it's one of my faves!


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I Do What I Want To Do...You Should Too! Plus Weigh-In & PICTURES!!

Good morning readers!

Look, let me cut straight to the chase. I've been MIA for the past few weeks, doesn't mean I haven't been working out or eating right, just means life threw me a few curve balls. I've come out a stronger more knowledgeable person and so for that, I am thankful.

Moving on, today's blog is going to be a long one and I hope you have missed me as much as I've missed logging this journey. =)

Boot Camp

Today was my first day back at BC in WEEKS. We are ALMOST to the finish line of the 8 week challenge. As you all know we had our mid-way weigh-in and physical assessment testing about 2 in a half weeks ago (meaning there is only a week in a half left of this challenge!). At the mid-way point I came in second. Let me break it down for you.
1st place had a score of 34.8
Me? I had 34.2
The 3rd place person? 24.1

As you can see I am only losing by .6 and I know what I need to improve on and that is the fitness testing. I am great with flexibility, great with my form, but I get stuck in my mind as if I'm still a fat person. Meaning, I think like a fat person. Ever watch the shows "I Used to be Fat" or "Heavy"? Those people are always scared to do certain exercises because they don't think it's something a fat person can do with all of that extra weight on them. In my mind, I still think I have the extra weight on me sometimes and that is what happened during the mid-point weigh-ins. I know I didn't push myself as hard as I needed to.

My measurements on the other hand and weight-loss were great. I hope to improve on those again and yet I really want to bring up those fitness scores too! I did a plank for a minute and 15. The goal is to bring that up to 2 minutes. I HIGHLY doubt I can wait...I HAVE GOT TO TRY. It's going to be hell. It's my core and I just don't know if I have it in me but if I don't believe in myself, I won't do it so ...for the next week in a half I'm going to push push and push some more until I get it. Push-ups I KNOW I can improve on. My sit ups? Eh, I set the bar high there so I dunno...I started out at the beginning of the challenge doing 30 full sit ups in a minute (you cant stop -once you stop your count stops) and I upped it to 36 at the mid-way point. The thing is, MAYBE I can get to 40? But I honestly don't know. Now if someone cheated in the beginning and did say 15 sit ups and then at midway was able to do 30...I mean..that's obviously a cheater. I'm just sayin'....see the dilemma?

Anyway, today was GREAT! Coming back I saw so many new faces and W even let us play some basketball to end the day. I must admit, it wasn't like normal days playing basketball. I obviously wasn't pushing myself as hard working out alone and I was EXHAUSTED. Being sick couldn't have helped me much but yeah...

One thing I must note is that while I've had a lot of respiratory problems with this sickness, working out cleared out my lungs and mannnnnnn I feel GREAT! Maybe I should work out more when I'm sick? I'm guessing that's not a good thing but who knows. =)

The bottom line of this whole thing is, I WANT TO WIN! If I don't, I'll be pissed. AT MYSELF. I'll wonder how I let it slip from me. All I can think about is how I can't wait to win 1st place and tell all of you and post the pictures of my prizes. Something you can see in pictures of what I have earned during all of my hard work. Which brings me to another topic today...


I'm not sure HOW I felt when I was fat. Okay okay, obese. I am not sure what I was thinking. Sometimes I get SO ANGRY at myself and wonder wtf I was doing. When I was home in Illinois (That's where I was for the past couple weeks) I was staying with my BFF Tai's mom. The first thing she said to me was that I was the skinniest and healthiest she's EVER seen me. Now this woman has known me since I was 13! She said she told Tai the same thing and that he said "No she was that way when we were younger"...thing is, I think he's wrong. He has never seen me as obese, although he did think it was getting out of hand there for a minute when I started not being able to walk like a "skinny" person because my thighs were rubbing together uncontrollably. lol okay see that's not even funny....ugh I guess I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Anyway, my ENTIRE FAMILY was SO motivating and gave me the most amazing compliments. Everywhere I went people noticed and I definitely FELT good. Hell, it seemed like I was the skinniest person everywhere I went, I mean, honestly the mid west is NOT full of fit people. Even the gym I went to, I didn't see one girl skinnier than me. Yes, I looked...can't help it. It made me SO SAD because if I'm STILL not at a healthy BMI (Which I don't put TOO much stock in) then how can these people be healthy? I want to live a FULL PRODUCTIVE life. That's what life is about, NO REGRETS...LIVING.

Anyway, while home, I got something great as a gift. BOTH of my younger brothers asked me to go to the grocery store with them.

The youngest, 20 year old, had me take him alone. We went in and I pointed out things that I eat and that would be easy and fast for him to make for his lifestyle and explained calorie counting to him. He has been doing it for a week now and I'm happy to say that he is sticking with it! He also got a gym membership and I seriously could just sit here and cry. I love him SO SO much and him making this choice is just so inspirational to me and let's me know that I've gotten something SO MUCH BIGGER then my own health back...I got my family back.

The second youngest, 22 year old, asked me to take him mainly because I think he needed a ride lol. However, while there I was able to recommend a few choice things for him and he also gave me a few GREAT recommendations. It was a bonding moment I'm not sure I could have had with him 6 months ago.

It's hard to bond with these two grown men who were a mere 8 and 10 when I left home for college never to return. I feel like these bonding experiences have made us closer and I am SO SO THANKFUL.

You may think it's silly or crazy or doesn't mesh with what I'm going through in this journey but it DOES to ME. I've had SO much regret over the last 11 years of leaving home and not getting to see them grow up and help nurture them that these two trips to the grocery store felt like something I could put in my little memory book as a moment that should have been years ago and now is finally here.

Blessed, I am.

So, not only have I gained my self-esteem back and my family back...but I've also gained my niece not being embarassed to have me drop her off at school or pick her up (AT THE DOOR NO LESS)!! Given, she was never embarassed before but I hadn't seen her in 2 freaking years, she was in grade school then. She is now in 8th grade Jr. High, almost in High School and from what the family tells me, she does NOT let anyone drop her off at the door. Well, I got to and I love that little girl like no other.

I was also able to run up and down the hallways of our hotel (we stayed in for two nights) with my nephew and not get winded! I flipped him, turned him, did sprints and we stayedddd active. It was amazing. I can't even put into words how much these small things affected me...but they did. Know that they did and they will change your life too if you just put in the work...which brings me to my last soliloquy before the weigh-in update with pictures.


Changing your body can't just be about one or the other. So many times I hear people or see people on Facebook saying they lost weight or they want to lose weight and I cringe. Same way people have probably cringed at me in the past.

Fine, lose weight, but do it the RIGHT way and make sure YOU ARE READY. If you're not ready, you're only going to fail and eliminate any sources of motivation you have.  People don't want to see you fail, (well some do but who needs those type of haters?) they want to see you succeed. So IF you fail, the next time you are ready to start, expect your fan base of supporters to be a bit smaller.

You can limit your calorie intake to 1200 calories all you want, but is that going to be sustainable for you? Especially if you're starting out at over 200+? Take it slow, you don't need weight watchers or nutrisystem or a program. You can learn to do something all on your own if you want. You don't need money to get healthy is all I'm saying. I hear EVERY excuse in the book! "Healthy food is too expensive" "Gym memberships are ridiculously priced!" Buy a few weights and check out on demand exercise videos or youtube exercise videos!


The thing about JUST eating right is this, you will shed the pounds but the inches will come off MUCH MUCH slower and you won't notice a difference as much as you would if you worked out.

I have shed 20lbs in 3 weeks before and didn't notice even 10% of the difference I noticed when I shed 20lbs WHILE working out. My body is TIGHT. My legs are MUSCULAR, so muscular in fact that I now ENJOY watching myself in the mirror. I still can't stand to see my ass in the mirror (It is not NEARLY as perky as it needs to be...YET) but I love watching my legs. My love handles are there but damn are they TIGHT and compact. I am STRONG.

My inches have shed faster and faster the more working out I do. I still have over 20 pounds to lose but my body is going places ya'll. It's going places I never even DREAMED it could.

Okay wait, I lied. When I was obese I used to always think in my head that "Someday I'll look like that" or "Someday I could be in Miss Teen USA, once I lose 20lbs" then 20lbs turned into 30, then 40, then 50...until it just got so out of hand. The craziest thing is, I think my BFF's mom might have been right...I probably AM the smallest she's ever seen me because of what these WORKOUTS have done for and to my body. It's finally SHAPED it. KG has a SHAPE! It's crazy. I know.

My face has always been cute but when you had 80lbs of fat to it, your face disappears and you become a blob. Or, well, I did.

Anyway, I'll finally move on to weigh-in and pictures!


It is now Week 27 (as of Monday) and on Monday I weighed in having lost 3.8 lbs over the last 2 weeks of being in "crazy off my rocker personal crash" mode. Meaning, my life was up in the air but I was still able to not only maintain my weight loss but still lose.

Which means, in 27 weeks I have lost a total of 55.8 pounds. The goal is to lose 83.8 lbs so I still have 28lbs to go!

People keep telling me, WHERE?! You're going to lose yourself! To that I say, Eff you! I may only need to go down 23lbs more but I won't know until I get A LOT closer to it. Once I'm down another 20 I will re-evaluate those last 3-8lbs and see where I stand with my body and what I WANT out of my body. Not what anyone else wants. In the pictures you will see below you will CLEARLY see where I need to lose the rest of my fat. We can't "spot-train" so I just have to keep pushing until it's gone!

The greatest thing about our bodies are that they are OURS and we should be able to and CAN do ANYTHING WE WANT TO DO to them, and I DO, YOU SHOULD TOO!

Did I mention I have an awesome boyfriend who loved me as a fat ass, a teenage girl in angst and a crazy person? Oh yeah, and he still loves me now, while I'm at my best. =) He is definitely one of my biggest cheerleaders. So if you have a man or a partner who isn't cheering you on, best to cut him out. You need to be accountable for you, and if he doesn't love you enough to be supportive, find it in your heart to get healthy for YOU and find someone who loves ALL of you. But I'm no therapist...just my two cents.


Okay so here's the disclaimer as usual!

When I first began I didn't take pictures so the first picture you will see is a candid taken of me. The next will be one month after starting my journey, and then you will see the most current updated picture taken today.

EVERY TIME I get new shirts, I out grow them so please excuse how baggy the shirt is at the bottom, maybe I should start taking the photos in wife beaters? Any suggestions on this are appreciated!

Before weight loss on vacation 2010 June

The picture to the left is me in September 2010. One month after starting my journey. The picture of me to the right is the me of today, February 23rd 2011. Same with the pictures below of the side view. 

Looking at these pictures shows me how far I have come. Is it embarrassing? A little bit but my pride won't let me be too embarrassed to post. There are others going through this same disease I had. Lack of motivation. If anything, this motivates me to continue my path towards a healthy lifestyle for LIFE.

There is no fix quick. It takes patience, learning, A LOT of reading different studies, finding what works for YOU and NO EXCUSES. 

Am I a 10? Hell no. I have a ways to go and these pictures just prove that to me but I am in a MUCH better place then I was back in September.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, comments, suggestions, advice and all that good stuff below!

Thank you for hanging in there with me while I'm working to cultivate this beach body and get my healthy back!


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I Owe Ya One!

So, my personal life has been up in the air for the past two weeks. After a week trip back to Illinois (where the fam lives) I'm back in NJ and I'm SICK!!! Hoping to be back in Boot Camp by Wednesday morning. Lord knows I NEED it and MISS IT! I've lost about 3lbs in that time...I'll give an official weigh in and all that jazz on Wednesday (Pray for me!!!) and here's to me updating you all with pictures/weigh-in/ and my newest goals!

Don't hate me, pray for me that I FEEL better! I'm absolutely miserable! Damn flu!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Weigh-In!! And News!!

So, I won't be able to write for awhile...I can't say why right now but I will give a quick weigh-in and let you guys know that I'll be back in full force on February 16th (Wednesday). So in one week I'll be back!!

I didn't lose as much as I was hoping this week but I lost some so that's all I can ask for. I lost 1.6 lbs. Bringing me to 52lbs lost in 25 weeks. The road is DEF getting harder as I trickle down to a lower weight and I hope this week won't set me back. I'm hoping to at the VERY least to maintain. I'll still be working out and stuff just got a LOT going on.

I promise when I get back I'll give you tips and start writing more!

Note to the new readers: To see where I began and before and after pictures during the journey, please look to your right and read the headlines, once a month I update with pictures of before and during...along with finding my very first post about how hard it was to start. You can definitely see the change as I go along.

Thanks for reading!!!!


Monday, January 31, 2011

24 Weeks In - WEIGH-IN!!!!


So, I know I haven't updated in awhile and that is two-fold. One reason being we have SO much snow and I've been SO busy! The other thing is, I'm injured =( While I wish it was an injury I could just work through, it is not and so I have kept it mainly to myself and hope to be back in the saddle Wednesday.

With that said, I've stayed on plan the entire week and this week! I will make this weigh-in short and simple and I also PROMISE to get pics for you by Wednesday! HOPEFULLY I can get them done tomorrow in time to post on here. =) I love before and after pics so trust, I want to get them done as badly as I know they need to go up here!

So, weigh-in time!

I lost 2.2lbs this week! That brings me to 50.6 lbs lost in 24 weeks!!! Life is good. I always told myself that once I had lost 50lbs the rest would be easy but I know that is not the case. It is going to get harder (and TRUST ME IT HAS!!) and I'm going to have to REALLY push myself which is why being out of commission for working out is KILLING ME slowly. I'm miserable! Trust. Miserable but I look good. =) I guess in a sense it's good because I know I won't be burning off those extra calories in work outs so I truly have been watching what I eat a LOT more.

Last night we would out to dinner with D and his fam for his brothers bday. When I walked up it was hysterical because his aunt and cousin were freaking out and kept asking me to stand up and show my belly then his cousin (whom I adore) said "OMG YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET YOU!" I took it all in and thought it was all really sweet. At one point they apologized like "Not saying you were fat before!" and I'm like no, yes I was fat, you can say it. I got SO good at posting only flattering (and they really weren't that flattering to be honest) pics of myself that I never saw how fat I had gotten!

With 33lbs to's to hoping I get there and LIKE being there. It will be a test to see if I'll be happy at that weight or not. Once I get to 55lbs down I may just tell you all my weight. =) That will be eye-opening I'm sure...for all of us.


Have a GREAT week!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

And...They're BAAAACK!!! Plus Weigh-In 23 Weeks in!

Hello all of my faithful readers and any newbies joining us!

Yesterday in boot camp I noticed a pain in my arch and it began (once again) shooting up to my shins. I kept going of course because pain is never going to deter me, especially when it's a pain you just have to work through or let it take control of pain can take control of me. No no no.

So today in BC, this time it was MUCH stronger. My shin splints are back ya'll. No BS. The pain is ROARING! However, after all the research I've done, I know the only thing to do is stretch, ice em and rub em and then just keep pushign through the exercises, WHILE IN PAIN! I did a few alternate exercises during certain things that caused me great agony but overall I'm pretty satisfied w/ the work out today, even w/ the shin splints.

I remember when I first started and that blew my mind. I persevered tho, I can do it again.

Our class is slowly dwindling. At the beginning of the session we had 18 people in our class (there are two other classes besides ours) and now I would guesstimate that we are down to a solid 10 people that come regularly. It hurts my heart to know so many people say they are ready for a healthy lifestyle and then...just give up. I really think that had we been assigned like big sister/new sister duties that might not have happened but what can ya do? I push everyone I can, just like they all push me to be better =)

This morning after BC I was pretty emotional. Listenig to Bye Bye by Mariah and thinking about my father and how sick he was when he passed away. He would be SO proud of me if he were alive today. To see I turned around and got myself in order before it was too late. I'm not where I NEED to be yet but I will be soon enough. I really wish he could see everything I'm doing and be there to support me, but when in doubt, I pray and I talk to him out loud and I know he can hear me.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYY I guess I should move on to WEIGH-IN!!!

Am I happy? Eh...not so much. Am I disappointed? A bit! But I know I will just push myself harder this week. I had TOM so I'm hoping that it is playing a part right now (in water weight). Alas, I cannot lie to myself so here goes.

I lost 1.6 lbs this past week which brings me to 48.4 lbs total lost thus far (23 weeks total). Freaking 1.6 lbs away from 50lbs lost. Can I just hit 50lbs lost already?! I mean damn! On another note that means I have lost a total of 5.2lbs since the challenge began 2 weeks ago. If I can keep it up to 5lbs every two weeks then I can definitely lose the 20lbs I wanted to lose for this boot camp challenge. Anywhere between 16-20 and I'll be happy. =)

Anyway, before and current pictures coming tomorrow!!!! Hope you'll all be back to read that. It's weird, weigh in days are definitely my busiest traffic days. Yet, I get the least amount of comments. Not sue if that is because people who WANT to see me fail come and pray I'm failing or if people just don't like to comment. =) Either way, I'm suceeding so the haters can suck it! I put it out there for everyone, judge and judge away =)

Love you ALL, and I mean that!


Friday, January 21, 2011

Even Mother Nature Can't Stop Me! 2 Weeks of the Challenge ALMOST down!

WHEW! So, where to begin? Let's see...I woke up to snow covering our car. Joy! No.

Once I was done shoveling and scraping I realized my socks were soaked through and so were my shoes! I had to run back upstairs to get a new pair of both and by this point I had about 15 minutes to get to class SAFELY because HELLO! Today was the day we had a camera man there filming our every move.

I am SO glad I got my eyebrows done yesterday because W asked me to do a testimonial and although I didn't want to per-say, I did for two reasons. One: I LOVE Boot Camp. I believe in it. I believe in W and I believe in the girls in the class. Two: DUH! I totally didn't want it to count against me for the challenge. LOL True story.

I'm hoping that the challenge will include form and technique along with all the body fat percentage and muscle percentages etc. I've been working my BUTT off at improving my form and technique and I think it is paying off. I was told that my push-ups were perfect today =) I'm told that a lot. The reinforcement from our trainer is SO IMPORTANT! I like the way that feels, I also like knowing I'm doing it correctly, especially because form is SO important to me and I see so many people doing it wrong (on tv and otherwise) and I just don't want that to be me anymore. That's a personal goal of mine because for so long I couldn't even DO a push-up, let alone do it correctly.

I also like the way it feels when I'm doing an exercise and I feel muscle. For instance, when doing wall sits I used to look down at my legs and just see nothing but thighs full of fat. Now I look down and they are firm and smaller...I dig that, I dig that SO much.

Unfortunately, before going on camera I was caught looking in the glass door at my reflection (sidebar: I liked what I saw) but I guess I am STILL constantly concerned what others will think. Okay, not constantly, I mean the circumstances were a bit far off today, there was someone there taping our EVERY move and working in TV, I wanted my best angles...which is hard to get when you're sweating profusely and working your body. Eh, what can you do? At least I won't look lazy!

Anyway, it is that TOM and I am oh so bloated and gross feeling so that is another reason I was just like UGH. When W is pushing me to my limits and it's TOM, I literally want to scream in his face "ARE YOU A WOMAN?! DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE BLOATED AND CRAMPING"!?!??!!?!? Today in fact I almost did that while doing suicides and being pushed...but I clamped my mouth down and just did it...I'm not even sure if there was a woman trainer I would like that, but damn it's hard when a man is telling you what to do and it's TOM and they have NO IDEA what it feels like. LOL Okay, TMI? Don't you just love abbreviations? I do...obvz. =)

Okay so I'm off to get some work if I haven't gotten work in today already!

One quick note, I've been on plan all week =) No missteps and no mishaps and I'm feeling GREAT about that. Let's pray when I weigh-in it will show on the scale.

I'll be going to Boot Camp tomorrow (Saturday) because I couldn't make yesterdays session. I will also be weighing in on Tuesday instead of Monday next week, because of TOM! After that we'll go back to the regularly scheduled Monday's =)

I should also be posting pictures on Tuesday if all goes well, it may have to be Wednesday though depending on what D's schedule is. Have I mentioned lately that I have THE BEST BOYFRIEND ever? He is so amazing. Seriously...I <3 him =)


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Probably Think I'm Cooler Than WEIGH-IN @ 22 Weeks!

Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner
Seriously love this song...It helped to bring me back down to earth. True story. I'm nowhere near the level of stupidity the girl in the song he is speaking of is, but...I've been there before and I DO NOT want to go back. Getting older is such a blessing as you learn and grow and CHANGE! I love it =) 

Good mornTING!!!!!!

I'm going to jump right into the weigh-in and tell you guys how much I lost the first week of the challenge and then I'm going to go into just a BIT of the mental parts of losing weight FOR ME and lastly, I'll give you guys a few healthy snack choices that you can easily fit into your calorie range. Just remember, no food 2-3 hours before bed and you should be good =)

This week I dropped a total of 3.8lbs! Yay!!! That brings my weight loss to 47 pounds in 22 weeks!! 3 pounds away from losing 50 freaking pounds!!! Okay well technically it's 46.8lbs lost. =) The goal for next week is to lose at least 2.2 but I'm aiming for 3-4. Let's see how that goes. =)

It's insane to even think about. It may not seem like a lot to those of you out there that are struggling with weight loss as well but imagine carrying around an extra 47pounds ball with you everyday on your way to work. Not fun!

Here's the thing. I know I have it better then some. Mentally, I'm fine, and by fine I mean I KNOW I'm cute. No one can tell me otherwise. I look in the mirror at this face and I love it. True story. I mean, yes I could stand for some botox in my forehead (soon enough) but overall I mean...I really was blessed with such a cute face.

But there is also an underlying problem in that mental state of mine. There is this phenomenom called "phantom fat", (Phantom Fat - MSNBC article) and while I DO NOT have the exact description, I do have parts of it. For instance, I'll see a space in front of brain is telling me I can't fit through it and to turn to the side, when I do, I realize I have tons of space around me and remember, Oh yeah...I've lost a lot of weight. Somehow my brain has yet to catch up. I'm not quite there yet. Another example is when you go to the store to buy clothes, and you get the same sizes you used to get only to realize after trying them on that umm they are two sizes too big. It's a very weird thing to experience. I am trying to reprogram my mind around those issues. Like I said, I don't have it as bad as some. I don't hate myself or my fact I was told today to stay humble. Why? you ask...well I mentioned that I was going through FB pics yesterday and about to take SO many down or hide them from my friends because I couldn't BELIEVE I let myself get that big or that I even had the AUDACITY to post pictures of myself looking like that! But, a great point was made, I have to remember where I came from to get where I am going. There is nothing more in the world that I want more, then to be confident AND have the ability to do anything physically that I aspire to.

So with that said, I think I need to be reminded (and maybe remind all of you) how far I've come and how I truly used to be "that girl" that I never wanted to be. You know, the one who couldn't do more then one push up, the girl who could barely run for more then ten seconds. The one who CRIED the first day of boot camp during AND after hysterically.

I truly thought the hardest part of this journey was going to be getting started. I mean it seems like this MASSIVE road is in front of you and how the HELL are you supposed to get to the end? Then, a light bulb went off in my head. I realized the hardest part was going to be maintaining and getting BETTER. There is ALWAYS room for improvement so my head DOES have to come down some. I'm not sure if I'm ready to work on that yet. I like feeling confident, the one thing I have to remind myself of and DEF begin working on is worrying about others. I'm in competition with no one but myself, I have to keep reminding myself that just because *I* think I'm better then the next person at something, there was also a time when I wasn't. I'm going to start working on that from now until the end of my life and apply it to everything I do, whether it's work, fitness or my relationships.

I've learned SO much about myself and food (don't even get me started on how much WRONG information people are giving out there!) and just my addiction to it and what caused me to become the size I was, that I feel as though if I can get this completely under control, only THEN will I truly be able to help others realize their potential and be an inspiration.

When people tell me I have inspired them, I just want to say no no no. Truly. I can't be an inspiration until I have everything under control and maintenance. For now, I just gotta work on me.

The most important thing I think anyone entering a program is that it should never be JUST about vanity. Sure, that is a reason for everyone but your health should be numero uno. Who wants to be the fat mom who can't run with her kids at he park? Feeds her child terrible things? Or the dad who sits on the couch flipping the station while vegging out with a whole pizza to himself while his kids beg him to play ball?

Now is the time to fix all of that so that my kids never even WANT fast food. So I know how to make a healthy meal that they'll love. So I know that when my kids want to learn to ski, go swimming, go hiking and camping that I'll be the mother right up there with them racing them to the end. THAT is the me that I was destined to be and that only *I* can make myself be.

I read a lot about people blaming their parents for their eating habits. My children will NEVER place blame on me.

Anyway, I think I've written enough today huh? Just want to give you guys a few healthy SNACK options for those times in between lunch and dinner or breakfast and dinner =)

Remember, 4-6 small meals a day is genius.

1. Orville 100 Calorie Smart Pop - LOVE THIS. No need to add salt! It has a GREAT taste.

2. Trader Joes Turkey Jerky! OMG Heaven! I went on a MISSION to find this this past weekend. A serious one. It is so amazing as an extra snack! Just remember not to eat the whole bag in one sitting. If you do, it's fine but I recommend 1/3 of the bag per snack.

3. Special K cracker chips - Sour cream & Onion - SERIOUSLY!?! I LOVEEEE potato chips. I still can't believe I haven't had them in over 4 months but yeah, I haven't (just like I havent had liquor) but these are yummmmmmmmmmy and give you that chip taste AND feel! 27 chips is only 110 calories and the fat calories are even small! I only eat about 20 chips per snack but feel free to eat all 27 if you are so inclined. =)

4. As usual, grapes, bananas (yum!), oatmeal, pears, ANY FRUIT really are all great for you. But don't overdo it, there is a LOT of sugar in some of those.

5. If I know I'm going to be out for awhile I sometimes take protein snacks with me. I will take about three pieces of thinly sliced turkey and roll it over a pickle, (make 2 of them) and put them in a baggy. If I get hungry I have a great healthy snack waiting for me. =)

And with that said, I'm off! Next week I'll be taking some before and after photos =) It's been a month and I think it's about that time!

Now if I could just stop smoking....

xo xo,

sidebar: Anyone catch that show Heavy on A&E last night? My girl Tiff MADE ME record it lol and honestly I'm glad she did. It gives such a great perspective on the MENTAL side of this whole weight loss thing. Crazy. If you didn't catch it I highly recommend it to ANYONE!

Friday, January 14, 2011

One Week of Our 8-Week Challenge DOWN!

Woohoo! Hellllllllllllooooooo!

So, as the title suggests, we have officially ended week 1 of the 8 week challenge. I have stayed on plan the entire time and my body is really responding!

I have upped my weights from 5lbs to 8lbs and I feel GREAT!!!! Today's work out was definitely tough. There were about 20 different stations, some of which included, planks, russian twists, push ups, heavy ass ropes, tricep dips, suicides, etc. which had to each be done for a minute. We all rotated. In between switching to the next exercise we all would have to do 30 seconds of jumping jacks or burpees or high knees or well...whatever W said to do haha. I went through so much water today...I'm exhausted!!! Yet...I feel GREAT!

My body is truly responding, I have not been sore all week. I think I am FINALLY getting to a point where I am "in shape". Dare I say that?! I mean, I had a bit of soreness in my arms from upping the weights but it was nothing really out of the ordinary or crazy. I feel good.

Anyway, I'm off!!! I'm hoping that on Monday (official weigh-in day) I am AT LEAST down 3lbs from the start of our challenge a week ago. My body needed to get back on track and I'm so happy I am finally there!

Let's see what Monday brings. =) Next week I will also be posting before and after (or current) photos. Yay! Those always make me feel ten times worse about myself but eh, it has to be done for bookkeeping sake. Ha!

Tonight I am off to see a Broadway show with the mans mother and then this weekend I have a birthday party (no drinking for me!) on Saturday and then on Sunday or Monday, D and I have a romantic dinner planned at a place that makes fondue. =/ Needless to say I'll really have to work that off the next morning or just watch my calorie intake the rest of the day.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mind, Body and Spirit...Confidence is key!

Hello all of my lovely readers!

Major shout out to those of you who stuck with me through the Holidays and trusted in my abilities to maintain.

One thing I've learned through this journey is that without confidence in yourself, nothing is possible. It is okay to have doubts sometimes, as long as they are just DOUBTS and not you giving up completely. When I have stumbled, I have picked myself right back up and jumped on again.

Had I never imagined I could lose close to 45lbs I probably never would have. I have another 35-40 to go (depending on if I like the way I look or want to lose more). I am SO excited and can't wait to see the outcome.

I attended boot camp both Monday and Tuesday. WHEW a lot of new people! More then any other cycle! I assume it is two fold, partly because of it being a "challenge" where you win pretty awesome prizes and then MOSTLY because in the new year people always "say" they are going to lose weight.

Only time will tell how many of them stick with it but I truly hope I see them all next cycle AFTER the challenge is over. It would be amazing to see so many women sticking with getting healthy.

The way I feel is indescribable. I love trying on clothes (even if I don't buy that many because I know I'm not gonna fit em for long), I love walking down the street, hell, I even love certain exercises at boot camp!

I didn't end up attending BC (boot camp) today because of the snow. I could not shovel our car out for the life of, what can ya do? Oh, that's right. I can do exercises at home. They won't be as intense but I'm going to force myself to do at least 15 minutes of weight training. I need my arms to be fire when the fat dissipates.

I weighed myself today (3x all got the same number - Cuz I didn't believe it!) and I'm already down 2lbs from last weigh-in. I'm hoping I can stick there and maybe lose a pound more. I think my body was/is ready because I've just been maintaining and not really making all that great of food choices and also not exercising, so it is thanking me for getting back on track. My body loves me =)

And sidebar: when I say my body, I mean the good parts, not the fat lol.

I've noticed in pictures I look SO MUCH YOUNGER. It is amazing to me the difference my face has. It is CLEAR, my skin is SOFT and man I am so sorry and do not mean to sound cocky but DAMN I am seriously adorable! I even posted a picture on Facebook of me with my glasses on, I never do that. It's either contacts or I take the glasses off. My self esteem has just skyrocketed. I'm afraid to see what I'll be like when I'm 40lbs lighter.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before but even after I drop the initial 80-90lbs I was trying to lose in the first year...I'll have another year of toning, conditioning and losing body fat. Turns out that in order to have a six pack you must have at the very most 18% body fat. So that will probably be another personal challenge AFTER I reach this goal. *Fingers crossed* that I can reach it within a year, although I'm guessing I'll reach it in the next 5 months which would be about 3 months early. =) Yeah, I have that kind of confidence in myself these days. =)

Last but not least, I am WINNING this challenge. I trust that I can at least place in 1st or 2nd. I don't want 3rd, I don't want any part of it. It would be a major blow to my ego so I HAVE GOT to push through this. The part that scares me is the trainer of BC is choosing based on many different variables. I have no idea if these new girls will have me beat. I know had I started off in BC on this challenge I would have won hands down. I lost so many inches and over 20lbs that first 8 weeks so yeah...That is why I'm saying if I can drop 16-20 AFTER having done this for over 4 months? I think I can win. But I also have to get stronger and faster and just overall more healthy. I need to drop my BMI (which he calculated by one of those hand things you hold). I need to drop that more anyway...I remember when it was an unmentionable number. =/

I have been doing very good food-wise, no missteps and honestly I don't even want to "work in" a treat in my calorie range. If it's unhealthy, it's not going into my body for the next 8 weeks.

All I can say is that in four months I've done a 180. My mind has changed, I no longer obsess all the time of what others think of me (altho I am still a bit self conscious in BC). I am living my life for ME ME ME. I have fun everywhere I go, cutting certain friends out has been a BLESSING in disguise. It's just insane how much time you don't even realize you spend on people, and when they are gone and the drama is too, it's crazy how little you truly think of them, if ever! I highly highly recommend this to anyone who has a friend who brings nothing but drama. (ie. Nene Leakes, if you are reading this, Kim - "Close your legs to married men!")

My body - I think that goes without saying. I can fit a very tight Medium but I feel more comfortable in Larges. I remember when XXL sometimes wouldn't even fit! Crazy talk. I don't even want to mention my jeans! I love trying on different sizes and seeing them FIT! I even wear leggings now without feeling like one of those fat girls that shouldn't even have them on cuz you can see all their cellulite.

Spirit - Through the roof! I've gotten closer with the Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ through whom ALL things are possible. Truly and indefinitely. I am so blessed and so loved...I cannot WAIT to see what this year brings. I only hope to continue my growth of Mind, Body and Spirit.

Anyway, I adore you all for sticking with me through the holidays and hope that for the next 8 weeks you'll be here pushing me on to WIN this whole challenge. I WANT it both for my self esteem, and because I NEEDED this to help push me through the holiday maintenance. Did I mention I'm competitive? Yeah...that's me, all KG.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

You Just Gotta Ignite The Light & Let it It Shine!!!

Do you ever feel already buried deep? Do you know that there's still a chance for you? Just own the night, like the fourth of July! Cause baby you're a firework, come on show em what you're worth!

Firework - Katy Perry

As much as I can't stand this product of the industry, she can sing and to top it off, this song makes me want to freaking conquer the WORLD! Obviously because of the line "You're original, cannot be replaced". Well duh. I already knew that but the entire song is like, AWESOME!

Sorry it's been so long since my last update. The holidays have come and gone and now I shall update you!

My mother came in for a visit, 12 days of pure BLISS! I love my mom beyond all belief! Of course I cried about a pound worth of tears when I saw her and it was heaven.

We went grocery shopping the first day she was here and went out to good old Wal-Mart (you know the place with horrible service and the place that also pays their workers close to nothing?). While there she asked me if there was a sale on yoga mats because EVERYONE had one. So we went to look, uh, no. There was no sale. Then I realized, ohhhhh it's about to be the New Year and EVERYONE is SAYING they are going to make a change in their eating habits or their exercise regimen. We counted over 35ppl with like yoga mats. It was crazy. I couldn't help but laugh.

I wasn't laughing at those people per-say. It was more, that USED to be me. I bought a cheap ass yoga mat. Still have it in fact. I had to laugh to keep from crying. Statistics show that over 75% of those people won't even make it through two weeks of an exercise plan, let alone dieting. It's so sad to think about.

That is why I had to start mine BEFORE the New Year. I also didn't limit myself very well over the holidays. I mean I watched what I ate sometimes but I also ate out, A LOT! And it was YUMMY! But the greatest part was that some things I USED to eat, I didn't even want this time because I knew how unhealthy they were. Plus, for the most part, I was able to limit my weight gain to around .8 (so almost a pound) at the end of the day...that's a win for me. I'm not angry. I wanted to maintain and I just about did it. Had I done my exercises (I didn't exercise ONCE in these past two weeks) I probably would have lost weight. Eh, what can ya do? I wanted a break and I got it!

Seeing my mother leave was the hardest part of the holidays. She spent Christmas with us and a beautiful New Year only to say goodbye on the 4th. =( The best part was when the snow storm hit us and we were trapped inside our apartment for two days straight to fend for ourselves. While it can be said we were kind of bored out of our minds, I will never forget those two days because we truly bonded. I adore her. She was also SHOCKED by how much I've shrunk. Moms are your biggest cheerleaders!

So, that brings us to...TODAY! The Boot Camp Fitness New Year New You Challenge. Let me explain a bit of what this is.

For 8 weeks the girls in Boot Camp will be competing to place or to just get stronger/faster/smaller.

Here's the thing, there are 1st, 2nd and 3rd prizes. Of course I want 1st but I'd settle for 2nd I guess...although I wouldn't be completely thrilled with it, I want 1st. Being I'm a competitive person...I say you either give it all or go home.

So today was our assessments. A BEFORE picture was taken. I was weighed, measured all over my body, they took my body fat percentage, my muscle percentage and to top it off we had a fitness assessment.

For the fitness one I kind of sucked. I think it had something to do with being out of boot camp for 2 weeks but I pushed through. The goal is to double all of those numbers, except the sit ups one, I think I did pretty great on those so if I can just get them up about 5 more then I'll be happy. I also want to increase my muscle but hopefully lose 16-20lbs. If I can do ALL of that then I honestly don't think I can lose. Truly.

I think the thing MOST people forget about when losing weight is gaining muscle and strength! That is HUGE HUGE HUGE to me, which is why working out REGULARLY (meaning more then 3x a week) is SO important to me! I do NOT want to lose weight and have fat hanging off of me or still not be able to run a mile or climb a freaking MOUNTAIN if I want to!

With all that said....Now that you guys know what it is, hopefully I won't have to explain it to anyone.

We are going to have a mid-session evaluation and then a final evaluation. I will know mid-way through if I need to work a bit harder. I'm SO excited! Haha, will I be this excited 8 weeks down the line if I lose or didn't do as well? I don't know but this is the push I need to get over this hump!

I should state for the record if I go by the weight that was given today I have officially lost 43lbs EXACTLY. That's good shit. Let's hope I can it to 60lbs lost by the time these 8 weeks are up!

I would show you guys the measurements and such but I'm really not that comfortable...YET. In the meantime I'll share a few pictures taken over the holiday break session.

Oh Madame Tussaud's how we love thee!

Until Monday...

ps. Did I mention I am going to have to try to go to EVERY DAY of boot camp if I want to win? I'm talking 5x a week for 8 weeks. There can be NO missed sessions unless it is unavoidable. OUCH!