I Do What I Want To Do...You Should Too! Plus Weigh-In & PICTURES!!

Good morning readers!

Look, let me cut straight to the chase. I've been MIA for the past few weeks, doesn't mean I haven't been working out or eating right, just means life threw me a few curve balls. I've come out a stronger more knowledgeable person and so for that, I am thankful.

Moving on, today's blog is going to be a long one and I hope you have missed me as much as I've missed logging this journey. =)

Boot Camp

Today was my first day back at BC in WEEKS. We are ALMOST to the finish line of the 8 week challenge. As you all know we had our mid-way weigh-in and physical assessment testing about 2 in a half weeks ago (meaning there is only a week in a half left of this challenge!). At the mid-way point I came in second. Let me break it down for you.
1st place had a score of 34.8
Me? I had 34.2
The 3rd place person? 24.1

As you can see I am only losing by .6 and I know what I need to improve on and that is the fitness testing. I am great with flexibility, great with my form, but I get stuck in my mind as if I'm still a fat person. Meaning, I think like a fat person. Ever watch the shows "I Used to be Fat" or "Heavy"? Those people are always scared to do certain exercises because they don't think it's something a fat person can do with all of that extra weight on them. In my mind, I still think I have the extra weight on me sometimes and that is what happened during the mid-point weigh-ins. I know I didn't push myself as hard as I needed to.

My measurements on the other hand and weight-loss were great. I hope to improve on those again and yet I really want to bring up those fitness scores too! I did a plank for a minute and 15. The goal is to bring that up to 2 minutes. I HIGHLY doubt I can do...no wait...I HAVE GOT TO TRY. It's going to be hell. It's my core and I just don't know if I have it in me but if I don't believe in myself, I won't do it so ...for the next week in a half I'm going to push push and push some more until I get it. Push-ups I KNOW I can improve on. My sit ups? Eh, I set the bar high there so I dunno...I started out at the beginning of the challenge doing 30 full sit ups in a minute (you cant stop -once you stop your count stops) and I upped it to 36 at the mid-way point. The thing is, MAYBE I can get to 40? But I honestly don't know. Now if someone cheated in the beginning and did say 15 sit ups and then at midway was able to do 30...I mean..that's obviously a cheater. I'm just sayin'....see the dilemma?

Anyway, today was GREAT! Coming back I saw so many new faces and W even let us play some basketball to end the day. I must admit, it wasn't like normal days playing basketball. I obviously wasn't pushing myself as hard working out alone and I was EXHAUSTED. Being sick couldn't have helped me much but yeah...

One thing I must note is that while I've had a lot of respiratory problems with this sickness, working out cleared out my lungs and mannnnnnn I feel GREAT! Maybe I should work out more when I'm sick? I'm guessing that's not a good thing but who knows. =)

The bottom line of this whole thing is, I WANT TO WIN! If I don't, I'll be pissed. AT MYSELF. I'll wonder how I let it slip from me. All I can think about is how I can't wait to win 1st place and tell all of you and post the pictures of my prizes. Something you can see in pictures of what I have earned during all of my hard work. Which brings me to another topic today...


WHAT I GET IN RETURN

I'm not sure HOW I felt when I was fat. Okay okay, obese. I am not sure what I was thinking. Sometimes I get SO ANGRY at myself and wonder wtf I was doing. When I was home in Illinois (That's where I was for the past couple weeks) I was staying with my BFF Tai's mom. The first thing she said to me was that I was the skinniest and healthiest she's EVER seen me. Now this woman has known me since I was 13! She said she told Tai the same thing and that he said "No she was that way when we were younger"...thing is, I think he's wrong. He has never seen me as obese, although he did think it was getting out of hand there for a minute when I started not being able to walk like a "skinny" person because my thighs were rubbing together uncontrollably. lol okay see that's not even funny....ugh I guess I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Anyway, my ENTIRE FAMILY was SO motivating and gave me the most amazing compliments. Everywhere I went people noticed and I definitely FELT good. Hell, it seemed like I was the skinniest person everywhere I went, I mean, honestly the mid west is NOT full of fit people. Even the gym I went to, I didn't see one girl skinnier than me. Yes, I looked...can't help it. It made me SO SAD because if I'm STILL not at a healthy BMI (Which I don't put TOO much stock in) then how can these people be healthy? I want to live a FULL PRODUCTIVE life. That's what life is about, NO REGRETS...LIVING.

Anyway, while home, I got something great as a gift. BOTH of my younger brothers asked me to go to the grocery store with them.

The youngest, 20 year old, had me take him alone. We went in and I pointed out things that I eat and that would be easy and fast for him to make for his lifestyle and explained calorie counting to him. He has been doing it for a week now and I'm happy to say that he is sticking with it! He also got a gym membership and I seriously could just sit here and cry. I love him SO SO much and him making this choice is just so inspirational to me and let's me know that I've gotten something SO MUCH BIGGER then my own health back...I got my family back.

The second youngest, 22 year old, asked me to take him mainly because I think he needed a ride lol. However, while there I was able to recommend a few choice things for him and he also gave me a few GREAT recommendations. It was a bonding moment I'm not sure I could have had with him 6 months ago.

It's hard to bond with these two grown men who were a mere 8 and 10 when I left home for college never to return. I feel like these bonding experiences have made us closer and I am SO SO THANKFUL.

You may think it's silly or crazy or doesn't mesh with what I'm going through in this journey but it DOES to ME. I've had SO much regret over the last 11 years of leaving home and not getting to see them grow up and help nurture them that these two trips to the grocery store felt like something I could put in my little memory book as a moment that should have been years ago and now is finally here.

Blessed, I am.

So, not only have I gained my self-esteem back and my family back...but I've also gained my niece not being embarassed to have me drop her off at school or pick her up (AT THE DOOR NO LESS)!! Given, she was never embarassed before but I hadn't seen her in 2 freaking years, she was in grade school then. She is now in 8th grade Jr. High, almost in High School and from what the family tells me, she does NOT let anyone drop her off at the door. Well, I got to and I love that little girl like no other.

I was also able to run up and down the hallways of our hotel (we stayed in for two nights) with my nephew and not get winded! I flipped him, turned him, did sprints and we stayedddd active. It was amazing. I can't even put into words how much these small things affected me...but they did. Know that they did and they will change your life too if you just put in the work...which brings me to my last soliloquy before the weigh-in update with pictures.

WORKING OUT & EATING RIGHT

Changing your body can't just be about one or the other. So many times I hear people or see people on Facebook saying they lost weight or they want to lose weight and I cringe. Same way people have probably cringed at me in the past.

Fine, lose weight, but do it the RIGHT way and make sure YOU ARE READY. If you're not ready, you're only going to fail and eliminate any sources of motivation you have.  People don't want to see you fail, (well some do but who needs those type of haters?) they want to see you succeed. So IF you fail, the next time you are ready to start, expect your fan base of supporters to be a bit smaller.

You can limit your calorie intake to 1200 calories all you want, but is that going to be sustainable for you? Especially if you're starting out at over 200+? Take it slow, you don't need weight watchers or nutrisystem or a program. You can learn to do something all on your own if you want. You don't need money to get healthy is all I'm saying. I hear EVERY excuse in the book! "Healthy food is too expensive" "Gym memberships are ridiculously priced!" Buy a few weights and check out on demand exercise videos or youtube exercise videos!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

The thing about JUST eating right is this, you will shed the pounds but the inches will come off MUCH MUCH slower and you won't notice a difference as much as you would if you worked out.

I have shed 20lbs in 3 weeks before and didn't notice even 10% of the difference I noticed when I shed 20lbs WHILE working out. My body is TIGHT. My legs are MUSCULAR, so muscular in fact that I now ENJOY watching myself in the mirror. I still can't stand to see my ass in the mirror (It is not NEARLY as perky as it needs to be...YET) but I love watching my legs. My love handles are there but damn are they TIGHT and compact. I am STRONG.

My inches have shed faster and faster the more working out I do. I still have over 20 pounds to lose but my body is going places ya'll. It's going places I never even DREAMED it could.

Okay wait, I lied. When I was obese I used to always think in my head that "Someday I'll look like that" or "Someday I could be in Miss Teen USA, once I lose 20lbs" then 20lbs turned into 30, then 40, then 50...until it just got so out of hand. The craziest thing is, I think my BFF's mom might have been right...I probably AM the smallest she's ever seen me because of what these WORKOUTS have done for and to my body. It's finally SHAPED it. KG has a SHAPE! It's crazy. I know.

My face has always been cute but when you had 80lbs of fat to it, your face disappears and you become a blob. Or, well, I did.

Anyway, I'll finally move on to weigh-in and pictures!


Weigh-In

It is now Week 27 (as of Monday) and on Monday I weighed in having lost 3.8 lbs over the last 2 weeks of being in "crazy off my rocker personal crash" mode. Meaning, my life was up in the air but I was still able to not only maintain my weight loss but still lose.

Which means, in 27 weeks I have lost a total of 55.8 pounds. The goal is to lose 83.8 lbs so I still have 28lbs to go!

People keep telling me, WHERE?! You're going to lose yourself! To that I say, Eff you! I may only need to go down 23lbs more but I won't know until I get A LOT closer to it. Once I'm down another 20 I will re-evaluate those last 3-8lbs and see where I stand with my body and what I WANT out of my body. Not what anyone else wants. In the pictures you will see below you will CLEARLY see where I need to lose the rest of my fat. We can't "spot-train" so I just have to keep pushing until it's gone!


The greatest thing about our bodies are that they are OURS and we should be able to and CAN do ANYTHING WE WANT TO DO to them, and I DO, YOU SHOULD TOO!

Did I mention I have an awesome boyfriend who loved me as a fat ass, a teenage girl in angst and a crazy person? Oh yeah, and he still loves me now, while I'm at my best. =) He is definitely one of my biggest cheerleaders. So if you have a man or a partner who isn't cheering you on, best to cut him out. You need to be accountable for you, and if he doesn't love you enough to be supportive, find it in your heart to get healthy for YOU and find someone who loves ALL of you. But I'm no therapist...just my two cents.

PICTURES

Okay so here's the disclaimer as usual!

When I first began I didn't take pictures so the first picture you will see is a candid taken of me. The next will be one month after starting my journey, and then you will see the most current updated picture taken today.

EVERY TIME I get new shirts, I out grow them so please excuse how baggy the shirt is at the bottom, maybe I should start taking the photos in wife beaters? Any suggestions on this are appreciated!

Before weight loss on vacation 2010 June

 

The picture to the left is me in September 2010. One month after starting my journey. The picture of me to the right is the me of today, February 23rd 2011. Same with the pictures below of the side view. 

Looking at these pictures shows me how far I have come. Is it embarrassing? A little bit but my pride won't let me be too embarrassed to post. There are others going through this same disease I had. Lack of motivation. If anything, this motivates me to continue my path towards a healthy lifestyle for LIFE.

There is no fix quick. It takes patience, learning, A LOT of reading different studies, finding what works for YOU and NO EXCUSES. 

Am I a 10? Hell no. I have a ways to go and these pictures just prove that to me but I am in a MUCH better place then I was back in September.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, comments, suggestions, advice and all that good stuff below!

Thank you for hanging in there with me while I'm working to cultivate this beach body and get my healthy back!

xo,

K

If You're Unhappy, Fix it.

This blog is dedicated to one of the sweetest guys I ever met. CM. You are missed and loved more than you could have ever possibly known.

It is with a heavy heart that I type this. I just woke up (for good). I woke up feeling nauseous and sick to my stomach (same thing?). I couldn't find the strength to even get out of bed. So, needless to say, my sickness kept me from bootcamp today for the first time!

Thinking of CM makes me reflect upon all those who we may have lost contact with and never realized how much of an impact they had on our life. CM ended his own life and at such a young age. You can never fully know how sad someone is inside. I feel like, if I hadn't made this change in my life...that could have been me in a few years.

I was soooo unhappy with my body that I would literally stay at home rather than go out. I would miss friends birthday parties, and if I went, I would make sure they took pictures from the chest UP. THEN I would ask to see them and delete any where a hint of my double chin showed. I lost contact with a lot of people I loved either 1. because I was too lazy to go see them or 2. because I was too embarrassed for them to see me like that. It got to the point where I was the fat girl making comments about being fat and those jokes were funny...or I thought, but mostly I think my friends were giving me nervous laughter. I was the fat girl who could make fun of herself but inside I was dying.

If you find yourself making fun of your body...CHANGE IT!

Don't let this happen to you. Prove to yourself that you can get up and conquer your fears, whatever they may be. The great thing about having body issues is...YOU CAN CHANGE THEM WITHOUT SURGERY! (I am not one for surgery, unless it is like a breast lift or something). God created us all equal but being healthy is both a mental state and a physical state. Working out helps me both mentally (I don't mind going out even though I'm still big!) and physically (I can actually get my lazy ass up to go out)!

Anyway, all of that aside, after speaking to F on FB and finding out she was the only one in bootcamp today, I felt HORRIBLE. I then got up, turned on my tv and started looking for a workout I could do in our apartment.

I found a Jackie Warner full circuit workout and did every move for 35 minutes. I was sweating and in pain and my head is still throbbing from being sick but I feel better! CRAZY!

I'm so proud of myself. Maybe that is weird. I missed bootcamp but I still got up and worked out...and I did it on my OWN!!!

Full circuit workouts are the BEST! You feel your entire body tingling afterward. I still like working out at boot camp better (people actually talk back to me there)! I can't wait for tomorrow's session. I plan on pushing myself harder than ever before.

Alas, I must go relax.

Love you all!!!
-K

ps. TOMORROW IS PICTURE DAY!!!! Nervous as all get out but eh...we'll see!

sidebar: New song by Willow Smith (first I guess)...AMAZINGNESS!! Wanted to hate, but can't even....

Whip My Hair - Willow Smith  YES that is Will Smith and Jada's daughter! Give me one more month and I promise you I will be in some club (okay maybe lounge) Whippin my hair back and forth...

What a Difference a Day Makes! (and Weigh In)

Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzupppppppp (said ala Martin!) everyone! Sorry, totally an inside joke between D and I but I couldn't resist.
(Note: Weigh-In will happen at the end of this post)

I hope everyone had a FANTASTIC LONG Labor Day weekend and didn't forget what it is we actually were celebrating. I also hope you all kept away from all the fatty foods that come out during these days. I know I did. =)

I have a lot of ground to cover so let me start by discussing the weekend.

Over the past 3 days I did absolutely nothing. Okay, a little, but really not much. I spent time with D and his family (even got a workout in with his mom on Sunday!). I'm like a walking gym, she mentioned my blog and how proud she was of me and that she wished she could get up that early...one thing led to another and out to the car I went to get both of my yoga mats. Next thing D knew, me and his mom were running in place for 5 minutes and on the floor doing planks the next second!

It was fantastic! Not as intense as usual but it was weird for me to even have the energy to run out to the car to get a yoga mat. Duly noted in my mind. It is so important to note these small changes in myself. They are what drives me to keep going when I don't feel like I'm losing weight.

Which brings us to our next topic...I FINALLY NOTICE A DIFFERENCE! It's not much but it's something!

For as long as I have been fat I have wanted to get my collarbone back. Weird? Maybe! However, the collarbone, to me, represents femininity. I want to FEEL feminine and in order to do that, I need a collarbone (we all have our quirks-STOP JUDGING!). Well this weekend, as I looked in the mirror, smiling at myself, I noticed the first marks of a collarbone. In the place where my neck meets my collarbone there is a SLIGHT (albeit noticeable to me!)  indention there. OMG!! It's working!! I about died. No, really...I almost fainted.

Then, during workout today my pants kept falling down! SO annoying but SO gratifying. Although I am not looking forward to all the money about to be doled out to spruce up this wardrobe. It's gonna have to wait til I'm at least down a few sizes. 

Anyway, this entire weekend I felt like I wasn't doing anything. Yes, I went out grocery shopping, went to the beach, visited friends and D's family but overall, I felt lazy and I didn't really WANT to do any of it. After working out this morning, I realized WHY. Working out is an INTEGRAL part of my survival now. After only 3 weeks I now find my mood depends on that workout. I'm not sure if that is sad or good but it's almost like a drug. Eh, I have an addictive personality, I guess it could be lucky or horrid (cigarettes anyone?).

Over the past few years I've realized how much I DESPISE talking on the phone, this is so stupid, but now I'm in a better mood and I can talk and talk to T and not get bored! (Love you girl!). I also found that I want to judge people less (or more in some instances). I'm not so moody and critical of others, although I bet D would argue with me on that one. I just FEEL good. I can't stress it enough.

What you do with your life is YOUR business, but it ends up involving others when you're out and about and you move too slowly or you sit next to them on the train (Yes, I'm THAT girl). Or, as noted in our workout today, if there is an emergency and your family needs you, do you want to be panting because you can't get to your kids or loved ones fast enough? I do not want to be THAT girl.

I'm scared once I lose weight I'll start talking more ish about bigger people. It petrifies me. I think the reason I'm scared of that is because I feel like if I can do it, ANYONE can. I will say that over and over until it starts to sink in to anyone out there who wants to do it. IT IS SO TRUE. I am SO NOT athletic! However, I will be working to make sure that doesn't happen. I know it's wrong on SO many levels, sooooo I'll shut it. Especially because I'm still a big girl. =)

Okay, so now on to today's workout. Only 4 people in class today! Can you imagine? Today was a lower body day and W pushed and pushed harder. I love him for that! I came in last but for once, because of F, I didn't feel stupid. Everyone is so encouraging and it's just like one big love fest. My knees hurt, my thighs hurt, my core hurt!

And then it was onto something I LOVED and HATED all at the same time. A frisbee game that was designed to trick you! I totally went into this with my game face on (those that know me know I HATE to lose - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION). We were on teams of two, with W as the ref, and we had to try to run and throw the frisbee ....eh, it's confusing. Whatevz. Long story short, we were constantly running. Whether it was to make a goal or to stop the other team from getting a goal. Bottom line? We totally lost but it had nothing to do with effort, it was that damn frisbee getting caught in the wind! Okay, and maybe a little bit of me not really being able to catch it at the right times lol.

Ahhhh, today is a good day! The sun is shining and I'm smiling!

Now for the weigh-in.
I lost 1.8 lbs this week. A lot of you may be discouraged with this. Don't be. I'm thrilled. 1.8lbs is 1.8lbs less than I was last week and honestly I'm shocked it is that much. I ate a lot of carbs I shouldn't have eaten (albeit healthy ones) last week. A lot of grain! This week I'm going to try to cut it down more. Plus, my body is gaining muscle. I'll be burning more calories with these muscles but they also weigh more. My body is going to go through ups and downs, I'm just SO GLAD I didn't gain.

I'm back on the wagon this week, less grains, more vegetables (I hate veggies). Grocery shopping was great this week as we were able to find a lot of really fresh fruit and veggies and a lot of good lookin fish for dinner. D is even making jerk chicken this week with veggies. HA! I can't wait to see how that turns out. =p

Long story short, I am happy. Thrilled really. I am making progress and that is all I can ask of myself.

This is our last week of this session of bootcamp but I have 2 make up days next week so I'll be going to those and then probably to the gym w/ D the other days (maybe not, maybe I'll run and workout on my own). I will figure that all out as it draws closer.

Thank you all for reading and leaving comments, you know I love you!

xo,
K

Sidebar: If you have Comcast, call them and tell them THEY SUCK. But also, watch Thintervention on Bravo! It just started and although I think Jackie Warner's tummy looks disgusting...it's a GREAT show! Gives great tips on things you can eat etc. Who knew egg yolk was actually a calorie burner? I didn't! I've been cutting those mugs out of my eggs! Now I'll have two full eggs instead of 3 egg whites and 1 yolk.

Now I just wish Biggest Loser would start! I need some Jillian in my life!

Oh and a word from W on alcohol (which I'm banning anyway) but for those of you who can't give it up yet:

The average margarita has 3x more calories (550) than a Cosmo and 4.5x more than a glass of wine! Lesser of two evils.

Let's GET IT IN!!!!!!

Hello all of my lovely readers and HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND!

I hope that everyone has Friday off and is enjoying their day, if not, then what better to do at work than read this here blog? Exactly. Nothing beats that!

Today was OFFICIALLY 3 weeks DOWN of bootcamp! I feel AMAZING, great, powerful and I'm positively GLOWING.

It's so weird for me. Seriously.

Today, my girl, Esq, drove up from Piscataway and attended bootcamp with me and it was truly a different experience for me. To have a friend there who is already in shape and athletic AND hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks? Amazing. Why you ask?

1. She told me she could definitely tell I lost weight. And believe me, Esq is a straight shooter. She doesn't bullshit.

2. Because she was totally worked out! She said it was INTENSE and was super proud of all I've accomplished.

I mean, I'm super proud too but it's nice to have someone come in and LIVE what you go through everyday of the week. TO have her approval and excitement over me finishing 3 weeks, well, it meant the world! And, today was a CORE day, I DESPISE core days. 3 weeks ago I couldn't have even told you which part of my body was core, I probably would have said "My back". Uh...yeah.

During the morning run, I ALMOST cheated. I was so frustrated with never coming in first or even close. You can have no idea how I feel until you've constantly came in last. Over and over and over again. It's almost like being picked last for a team in High School, only, in High School I was NEVER picked last. Ha!

Today both Esq and another girl from bootcamp, A, asked me why I get so upset about that. Esq said they aren't cheating anyone but themselves if they cheat and although it is true....I dunno. I can't honestly say why it bothers me. I probably need to work on that, that is definitely a personal problem. Now I have to figure out where it stems from.

All I know is that I HATE coming in last.

Needless to say, I finished the route as requested and came back to our instructor ready to go!

I am getting faster, I feel it! It's amazing, even if I can't run the full time, my endurance is building slowly but surely! I am really worried about the week off in between sessions but luckily I have at least one day (the rain day) to make up so that will be good.

Towards the end of our session W totally put me on the spot! He said if I could do high kicks (touching his hand as he stood in front of me) for the entire time, he would let everyone be out. I KNOW everyone was thinking "Oh great! Ask slow ass Kristin"! Guess who pushed through it?! ME! I totally pushed through it, even if I almost threw up after it was all said and done. I am just so proud of myself.

There is no feeling like the feeling of content I have in my heart for my mind body and soul. I'm not 100% yet, I'm not "skinny" yet, hell I'm not even a normal weight yet...BUT, I am HAPPY because I know there is a light!


Here is a picture of our FABULOUS group today! Well, a few of them with our instructor! =)

Love you girls!

Sorry it is so blurry and I'm also sorry for any typos or grammatical errors as I'm typing this straight from the heart and FAST!

With that said, I am off to enjoy my weekend and I hope you all enjoy yours as well!

xoxo,
K


Sidebar: Test yourself this weekend, try not to drink alcohol! Needless calories!

Monday - WEIGH IN #2 !!!

Hello my lovely readers =)

I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend! I know I did!

I went out to eat twice this weekend, and each time before we left I checked out the restaurants menu's online to figure out what I would order BEFORE we got there. This was such a helpful tool to me. I do not want to give up the things I love to eat but I also want to plan for it so that I can make sure I'm still keeping within a healthy range of foods.

Restaurant # 1: Red Lobster.
Yes I know I know. The typical "hood fab" restaurant of choice for us black folk! Kill me, I can't resist!

I chose to order 1lb of crab legs (only dipping every 3rd piece in butter - I'm NOT giving up my butter!) and shrimp and grilled broccoli. I wanted SO BADLY to get dessert but alas, D was NOT in the mood to share one so we decided against it. With A LOT of attitude coming from me. I mean I was totally full but I was being utterly greedy.

I mean, I went OFF on him. As if it were HIS fault that he was full and couldn't share a dessert. Needless to say, once we made it out to the parking lot I realized how happy I was that I didn't eat half of a dessert that I had to apologize and thank him.

It truly is a blessing to have him in my life.

Restaurant #2
IHOP

Who knew IHOP had a menu for people who want to eat healthier? When I was on their website looking at what to eat I couldn't BELIEVE my eyes! My normal meal there was over 3000 calories! WHAT!?!? 3000 calories in ONE sitting?! CRAZY TALK!

I instead ordered off of the IHOP for Me Menu . I ordered 2 buttermilk pancakes, egg substitutes scrabbled and two pieces of turkey bacon all for 400 calories. I ate slow and enjoyed my meal thoroughly.

It's the small things folks!

I went to bed last night at 10pm. It was extremely hard to pull myself away from the Emmys and not watch Enterouge or Hung or Big Brother (I'll catch up tonight!)...but I did it! My body isn't fully use to whatever my sleep pattern is, I think I confuse it a lot. I woke up at 4am when I didn't have to get up until 5:30am. That totally sucked. 

Mondays Bootcamp

Today I pushed myself 110%. Shin splints were KILLING me yet I found I could push through it. Not sure if it was just because of the rest this weekend but I decided I wasn't doing those lame moves and instead I would run with the rest of the girls. Everyone was ahead of me but I tried to stay within a block of the last girl and at the end I pushed myself and made it. May not seem like much to you, but to me it really felt good...even though I was battling splinters inside of my damn leg.

It was/is EXTREMELY hot out today. I was sweating BEYOND what I normally sweat. L then let me know that the more you sweat, the better in shape you are because it is your body's way of releasing or something like that. I'll have to look it up.

Okay so the time we've all been waiting for! WEIGH IN!

The goal was to lose 4lbs this week. Although, I must admit, I was hoping to lose more like 5lbs. I just weighed myself and I lost EXACTLY 4lbs. It isn't great but it IS goal so I can't be too disappointed in myself. I have a feeling if I didn't go out to eat at both restaurants this weekend, I might have lost more. Good to know so that I can stay motivated this week.

So that is 10lbs in two weeks. Not too shabby but not too great either. I found myself crying this weekend when I saw my face in the reflection of the car window. That double chin just WONT go away!!! I want collar bones! UGH!

I'm in an extremely weird mood but damn do I feel GOOD and motivated! I'm back to a healthy week of food. We did all of our grocery shopping and I'm looking forward to one of the girls, Y, from bootcamp, sending me a recipe later on this week that I'm going to try!

I hope everyone has a great day!

Thank you for your support and advice!!

Love,
K

WEIGH IN Monday!!

Yay! The day that we've all (okay maybe just me?) been waiting for is finally here! It's officially been one week!

It is truly amazing what your body is capable of. Last Monday, when I officially started bootcamp, I was extremely sore. I didn't admit it completely to all of you, but I knew it in my heart/brain, that I did NOT complete nearly enough of the exercises. I completed less than half of what the rest of the class was able to complete. I was tired, teary eyed, I felt like throwing up...in fact, I would be hard pressed to find another time in my life when I felt more inadequate as a woman.

However, in ONE WEEKS time, my body has shown me what it is capable of and I am SO BLESSED to have it! How could I treat it so badly after all of these years? I remember thinking to myself last week "My body is so mad at me for pushing it so hard that is why it is making me feel like shit". In truth, it was the total opposite (of course I knew this but my mind was trying to convince me of what the heart did not want to believe). Sometimes, we just have to trust our heart (and treat it kind)!

With no pretense I can honestly say that I am overweight, obese even. That is SO so HARD to admit to all of you, even if you see it everyday, it is STILL hard to say out loud.  Yet my body WANTS to survive. It WANTS to bear children someday. It WANTS to run for miles on end. It WANTS to have nutrients to sustain. Most of all? It WANTS to PUSH itself so that I am able to live the fullest life I am capable of.

Today was unlike any other day at bootcamp. I came in and when we began running (always first thing) I may not have been able to keep up with the rest of the class but DAMN I came in about 2 minutes or less behind everyone else and it was a pretty far run! That's when I realized that my body had missed exercising over the weekend (yeah I never went to walk those dogs...).

It was an upper body day and it was pouring rain. I just KNEW W was not about to make us run on the slick boardwalk. The waves were crashing and the water was just pouring down. In fact, upon walking up to the area in which we workout, both L and I commented about how there was no way W would make us run on this. Huh? It's like he didn't see the rain. We immediately had to take off.

Once we finished running we began working out our upper bodies and it was so amazing. FORM is VERY important. I am still trying to get it down completely but I am getting SO much better! I can't even believe the things my body is capable of, I know I keep repeating myself but I am just in AWE!

My point is, if you are sitting on your ass reading this and thinking to yourself "I need to do something", GET OUT AND DO IT. Gyms aren't for everyone so if you're like me and don't "do" gyms, get on google! Type in your cities name, type in bootcamp or spinning class or Zumba (even tho I think that shit looks totally wack). Don't tell yourself that you're going to start out small and work your way up. Start out BIG and do what you can.

Everyone's bodies are not the same. Maybe you'll feel what I felt today after two days, maybe it will take two weeks. Who cares? You'll GET THERE. Believing in yourself and your future is half of the battle.

There was a recent study done that says in order for a normal weight woman to maintain her weight over the course of the years (on average women gain anywhere from 1-2lbs per year regardless) then they need to exercise at least 1 hour 7 days a week. You can find some info on this study here: NY Post Article. The reason I chose this article is because it shows you older women who raise families, work fulfilling careers and STILL find time to exercise an hour a day. Uh, hello people out there wondering if they can do it.

I started this blog to keep myself disciplined. To remind myself of what I was accomplishing everyday and yet now I'm getting so many e-mails from those of you who say it helps them. You have no idea how much YOU help ME. You push me in ways you couldn't believe and for that I truly am thankful. It also doesn't hurt that our bootcamp instructor isn't in your face rude and quite the opposite really. He makes you want to keep on keepin on.

This weekend D & I went shopping and for the first time since I was at home in Illinois living with my family 11 years ago (Hello 5 brothers and a sister!) I have a gallon (a whole gallon!) of milk in my home! I HATE milk with a passion but you need it. We decided to go with the 1% since I'm not too keen on the skim just yet. All in time.

I also was able to get some great stuff for salads, meals that are great for both D (he is 6'5 and works out but has to eat a lot of protein because for some reason I guess he likes gaining weight?) and myself. Last night I made turkey tacos and whereas I usually load my tacos with meat and cheese, instead I put in the lettuce and tomatoes first, sprinkled just a bit with skim cheese and added the meat on last. I can usually have anywhere from 3-4 of these along with spanish rice. However, last night I ate one. Waited 5 or so minutes and ate another. Just when I thought I would get up and get another one, my body let me know I was full. No need to keep eating.

It is SUCH a beautiful thing when your body talks to you and you actually LISTEN!

I almost had wine this weekend but decided there is no reason to waste calories on something so menial when I've always known how to have a good time without it. =)

Okay so now it's the time to tell you all how much weight I have lost in the past week. Drumroll please!

6.2lbs gone! Yes I did put that .2 there! Everything counts in my eyes! You may not think it is that much or you may think it is great! I don't care. I know that I'm doing everything right and I FEEL good. It's going to go slowly. There is no miracle to make it disappear. I'm doing it the healthy way without any pills or starvation. I am listening to my body and I'm loving it. =)

If you are going to do weigh-ins an important thing to remember is that it's not so much about the weight more than your inches that you are losing. Also, don't weigh yourself everyday, once a week is more than enough. Try to pick a time that is consistent. Such as, every Monday at 9am. Your body weight fluctuates because the body is made mostly of water. It is important to weigh yourself around the same time of day every week.


I'm a smoker and I've got to STOP that too! I know, I know. I love my body but I don't love it enough to quit smoking. Eh, I do but all in due time. Maybe one of you can start a blog on quitting smoking so I can get some inspiration? ha!

Love you all!

-K

Also - Let me know if any of you have any suggestions on what you'd like to see here. Recipes? Tips on what to buy at the grocery store. Pictures. Anything at all. I'm not an expert but I sure love to read and it's all working for me!

Please feel free to post any advice or tips you may have as well!

Day 4 - I Get High High High High...

Not in the puff puff pass sense, but more like the "I'm on cloud 9 and it's gonna SUCK when I come down" sense.

Let me start off by saying yesterday was one of the worst days personally that I've had in awhile. I think I cried about 10 times. Crying for me isn't something that happens once in a blue moon. I am a FIRM believer that everyone should cry whenever they feel the need, scream when you wanna scream, and laugh when you wanna laugh. I try to do all three at least once a day just because IT IS GOOD for you. Seriously, my best friend Ang did a study on it in like High School haha.Uh...moving right along...

Needless to say when I awoke this morning I was actually looking forward to boot camp for the first time! When we arrived we immediately had to run laps. Today's bootcamp was at the park (it alternates between 2 different places so we get a different view each day). I have a love/hate relationship with this park. Love, because it is gorgeous. Hate, because it is crawling with people. Today he had us on one half of the basketball courts (they are pretty huge) and of course all of these guys are out there shooting hoops.

You do NOT know embarassing until you are in a dri-fit tight ass shirt and pants and are struggling physically and sweating profusely and you just feel SO gross in front of a TON of dudes watching while you work out. I don't care what anyone says, they totally were watching and I felt beedy eyes. I'm not sure they liked what they saw at this point. I swear, I can't wait til the day when I am not so self concious and I actually don't give a f*** what other people think....Wow. Did I just say that? I can't believe I admitted it.

So often in life I honestly don't give a f*** what people think. But when it comes to my health or weight, I honestly do.

I get really discouraged when I think of how many years I wasted thinking I was "fat" when I truly wasn't and was a healthy size 4-8. Something was seriously wrong with my body image and I guess that's how I let it get this far. You have to be educated about your health before you can go in the right direction. Even the skinniest of women or men aren't necessarily healthy.

Body image & nutrition is something everyone should really study up on. I know they teach it both in high school and college, but the only thing I remember from that class is a teacher asking me if I knew what oral sex was and me saying it was when you talk during sex. (Yeah, I was THAT girl, totally naive).

I am, of course, on a natural high at the moment and I do NOT want to come down! We did serious suicides (you know the ones where you go to a line, touch, go back, go to the next line, go back and so on and so forth). I come from an entire family of athletes, I played basketball for a bit but got too wrapped up in my dreams of NYC and decided to stop and just focus on choir, drama and newspaper staff. (Okay you got me, I was always on the bench). Anyway, I used to LOVE suicides and so I really wanted to push myself when we were doing them, and I did! I ran each one (except the last, i more like jogged/walked) and it felt SO good!

Anyway, we did a lot of all over training today. Tons of cardio, tons of lifting and tons of squats.

When researching the bootcamp I would watch their videos and see the exercises they do and I would say to myself, "Yo, seriously...I'm not going to be able to do ANY of those" and what do you know? I can actually DO them! I may not be able to have the coordination EXACTLY down yet but W is SO good at helping me get it together. It really is like having a personal trainer, only you have the teamwork of others to help push you along! One lady even ran back to help me! I mean seriously, can it get any better?

I did make ONE mistake today, he was trying to make us do an exercise that I had seen in the videos and I knew immediately that I just couldn't do it. So what did I do? I said "I can't". Man, if you say "I Can't" he makes you do ten pushups. So...yeah. You guessed it. I had to do TEN horrendous pushups. But I think I was more stoked just to do them! I would even love to work out for an extra 30 minutes after every class!

With that said, in September the pool near my house has swimming lessons and I think I'm going to start taking those as well twice a week. Yes! I can swim! I just want to get better at it and with my endurance getting stronger I know I can swim even better! Why not, right?

On a serious note, to all of you out there wondering if you can do it? If I can, you can. I know you hear that so much. But it really is true. There is no secret or miracle weight loss or miracle anything.

I can easily drop 30lbs in 6 weeks. I've done it before, but I have never done it by exercising. Just by lowering my calorie intake. I've found that counting calories doesn't work for me! After I lose 30lbs I always go back to eating what I want! I'm from the midwest so steak and potatoes has always been a mainstay for me! And I LOVE to cook yummy down south food! But now I'm trying something different. PORTION control!

Have I had a steak yet? Nope! But if I want one, I'll have one. It won't be huge and I won't load my potato up and I'll definitely eat slow and wait for my body to tell me it's full, when it is, I'll stop. Food is FUEL now. That's all it is.

Usually I try to eat a really healthy cereal full of flax and grains when I get home. But today I just wasn't in the mood. Instead, I treated myself to a cup of apple jacks and skim milk of course! Ha! I know, I didn't go CRAZY but it's much better than an sausage egg and cheese I would normally have from McDonalds. But, the point I'm trying to make here is that you don't have to give up everything you love. Once you do the research on places like McDonald's etc. you'll start to view that food as disgusting. It's true! Now, that's not to say that on Day 30 I won't treat myself to a small fry, I just might! But I won't be super sizing or even getting a medium size!

I don't know if I will stick with everything on the nutritioin. I can't see the future. But I do know that for now, I'm praying with all of my heart and really positive that I CAN do it. And if I can, so can you!

Again, thank you to all of you who read the blog! Your support has been more than amazing on Facebook!

If any of you have questions on the boot camp or want to join, let me know =)


Love,
K