Quitting Smoking & Gaining Weight...oh, AND Losing It!!!

On April 14th it will officially be 3 months (or 13 weeks) since I stopped smoking. When I embarked on this journey I knew I would gain weight back, I never knew how much. I knew I'd be irritable and I knew I would eat more and work out less. During this time I also started a new job, one on a live show AND moved to a new place. Through all of this, I knew I'd gain weight, again...I never knew how much.

Could I have stopped myself from gaining? Of course, but I knew if I tried my resolve would break somewhere. It's easier to lose weight than to stop smoking...so I had to choose my lungs on this one.

I also knew that in order to continue to NOT smoke and make for a better Kristin in the future, a healthier Kristin...I had to know myself enough to know what I was capable of and not capable of if I wanted to KEEP FROM smoking forever.

I called in help from an old bff of mine, Anna B., who works in researching smoking cigarettes and she told me to allow myself food as comfort when trying to stop my addiction to something as strong as nicotine.

During the past three months I have gained 17lbs. It's ALOT. I've also gained control over my feelings towards cigarettes. Do I still think about them? Yes, but A LOT less. I also just tell myself no. It's been such a struggle but this blog isn't really about quitting smoking, it is about me embarking on a healthy lifestyle, knowing my limits and my worth and pushing through to my goal no matter the length of time it takes.

Today was the first day I trusted myself enough to FULLY 100% commit back to a healthy lifestyle of working out 6x a week and eating healthy again to the point where I KNOW I won't smoke.

I have a feelign this journey is going to be a lot different then the last one. I want to lose 40lbs. I know it may seem excessive, especially to those ofy ou who tell me I have no where left to lose, but trust and believe, I do. I also need to gain back any muscle I've lost over the last 3 months.

At the end of July, myself, my sister and cousin and Anna B. are headed to Jamaica for a girls vacation. I plan on being down at least 30lbs by then.

The plan this week is to do Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred for a week or two weeks and then once my body has adjusted back to exercising, jump in to a 60 Day INSANITY session nonstop.

This is the plan and I hope you guys will again, have faith and trust in me and the rest of my life and know that this journey NEVER stops.

In fact, I'm super excited to be back at it and THIS TIME with healthier lungs!! I can FINALLY say when I reach my goal this time, I'll TRULY be COMPLETELY healthy. =) With no vices. =)

Liquor Out. Smoking Out. Working Out IN =)

xoxo,
Kristin

When Apologizing Isn't Enough! - I'm Sorry! Plus WEIGH IN!

I know, I'm ready for it. If you guys were all here and in my ear and I allowed you to slap me and scream and yell would it make it better? Over the past few weeks I have received so many texts and personal visits of people telling me to UPDATE MY BLOG ALREADY!!! So here it is...I am FINALLY settled in to a routine and ready to continuously update at the very least 3-5x a week. Promise.

Well where to begin? I will have a weigh-in at the end of this post and then again on Monday (to get back on track) even if it doesn't move much.

So here's the thing...the more I lose, the harder it is to get the weight to come off. Sometimes I only lose 0.4 in a week! That's crazy to me because I still remember that first week of losing 7lbs! LOL (of water weight!) but then I watch the Biggest Loser and even on shows like that those people are gaining! I NEVER gain. Okay, I won't say never, I should say, I try to never gain =) But when it's that TOM...ugh don't even get me started on TOM. Although I do love the big whoosh downwards after it's all over, damn water weight!

Anywayyyy, moving on. This past weekend was my very good friend Dr. T's 30th Birthday. She has been a friend of mine for over 9 years from when I first moved to NJ. She invited me into her circle of friends with open arms and while all of us are goin through major life changes right now  (I'm talking seriously, she just had a baby and got married, another just got engaged, one just graduated law school and here I am trying to get healthy and drop this weight!). With our busy schedules it's rare we all can get together at once so this dinner was going to be a great night for that!

There's one of the ladies in particular that I always love to see and chat with! (and one not so much haha) anyway, to me she has always been the epitome of beauty! Hell, they all have. When I first moved here from my county ass town I used to wonder if I'd EVER be able to pull off the styles they wore etc...I don't think I have even mastered that yet but hell, I've come a long way lol. Anyway, let's call her Cee for short.

I see Cee as the epitome of beauty and class really. I've never looked at her weight as being an issue EVER. Yet here she was telling me she wanted to lose 10lbs. I sat there and looked her up and down and couldn't see ANY part of her that I wouldn't have wanted to be before I learned I could lose weight and learn to love my body. It's interesting because I look in the mirror now and D shows me where he can see my abs forming and I am STILL not happy. I don't think I can or will EVER be happy til I get down to my goal weight!

Wait, I am happy. I'm just not ...SATISFIED. That's what I should say. Because don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE looking in the mirror now. Hell, I do it when I wake up, after a shower, after brushing teeth, just when passing BY a mirror and again before bed. The mirror is my new bff! But it's just so weird to me because I still see SO much more work that has to be done...but did I mention I wear a size 8 in pants now? Yes man. It's true.

Alas, what can ya do? I guess it is crazy that I've lost 60+ lbs and still have 20+ to go. It boggles my mind where I was 7 months ago but damn, how much longer til I've lost 80 and can finally just say...YEAH IM HERE!!!

Tomorrow (or Friday) I will blog and give you guys my work out schedule so you can see what I do weekly and if you have any tips or need any, we can be there for each other. =)

Weigh-In

So it's been awhile but the last time I did a weigh-in (on this blog, trust I do them at home once a week), it was March 1st. And if I'm being honest with myself, the weight just isn't coming off as fast, and if I'm being even MORE honest with myself, I could cut back on the yummy food a little bit more.

So here is what I wrote as of March 1st 2011:

I lost 2lbs this week bringing me to a total of 57.8lbs lost in 28 weeks. 26lbs to go! Let's GO!!!!!

Now it brings us to April 13th 2011 (today!) and this is where I'm at: I have lost a total of 4.2lbs since March 1st, bringing my total weight loss to 62 pounds in 34 weeks. I could have done better DEFINITELY, regardless of my body slowing down. I do go to the gym religiously, I think it's more just me getting back on track with my eating habits.

Of course any weight loss is always a good weight loss but I'd like to average that 2lbs a week again. I know it may not be logical but can a sister at least average a full 1 pound a week? That was like a 0.8 average up there!

Anyway, when I lose 7 more pounds I will be OFFICIALLY giving you my weight. Those closest to me already knew my starting weight and they know my current but, at 7 more pounds I'll feel comfortable enough to shout it out. Hell, it may need to be 13 more pounds lol anyway...I love you guys and if you're reading, LET ME KNOW (since ahem* some of you told me you read and love it but don't comment!) don't be a ghost reader! I am NOT a ghost writer!

xoxo,
K

Sidebar: I ran my first mile without stopping a couple of weeks ago and was able to run 2.1miles in 23 minutes. of course this may not seem like much to you, but to me, I'm just proud I was able to finish! Trying to work my way up to 3 miles in under 30 minutes, even if it takes all year. =)

Whewwwww

A lottttt going on in my life right now! Including, me joining a gym!

Davis and I have finally joined the same gym and I will definitely keep you guys updated on that and all of the classes they offer! It's time for me to move on and spread my wings for a bit, as my disdain of the way Boot Camp handled the challenge and how the fitness testing was done really got to me and pissed me off. I had to accept that and move on. It got me so far and now I have to go even further and I have got to venture out and see how certified trainers teach and influence! I want to learn all I can!

I have GOT to shake these last 23lbs before the summer hits! I don't care if I have to work out 2-4 hours a day 5x a week to get there!

Motivation was lacking, especially since my personal life took over and I had to deal with all of the issues there. Fortunately, I've gotten really good at maintaining and gained nothing during that time. Hopefully I can drop a pound or two by next Monday and let you guys know my official weigh-in numbers, which WILL be posted on Monday so stay tuned for that blog.

As of Monday, I will be back to regularly updating and all that jazz and soooo I look forward to sharing the stats and updates with you all!!!

xoxo,
K

New Challenge and DEFINITELY a New Day.

So, hello!

It's taken me a minute to write because I've been trying to let my anger subside so that the words that come through aren't harsh or filled with venom or bitterness. =)

As many of you know, I placed 2nd in the BC Challenge. Happy? No. The thing is, when the challenge began, had I been smart and just wanted to WIN and NOT improve myself, I would have "played possum" AND/OR done my planks and push-ups on my knees. NOT wanting to do that and wanting to push myself I chose to do both on my feet in the "Male" form.

When you do those types of exercises on your knees you are able to pull in MANY more reps. For instance, I had Davis test me AFTER the challenge ended to see where I would have placed.

When doing planks on my knees I got 6minutes and 13 seconds. Whereas in the challenge when I did them in "male" form, I got 2 minutes.

When doing push-ups on my knees I got 54. Whereas in the challenge when I did them in "male" form, I did 28. These were as many as you could do in under a minute without stopping.

Not to mention when I was doing my sit-ups the mat kept falling back and forth and really messed up my groove. I was exerting so much energy just pulling the mat back to me, I should have brought my OWN mat. But alas, that was MY FAULT.

Needless to say, the judging didn't give anyone extra points for doing a male version or female version nor were we all doing the same thing. The person who came in front of me, did do her exercises on her knees.

Alas, I cannot be mad anymore. I am disappointed in myself for not THINKING but my overall results, the inches I lost, the weight I lost, etc far outweigh that. And I did it ON MY OWN. As my friend F said the other day, No one sets my alarm clock for me, no one cooks my dinner or measures out my breakfast, no one counts my calories for me and NO ONE but ME forces me to get up, get out and DO something.

In fact, I think it's time to "graduate" from BC. When I first started BC I started there because I needed the accountability AND I wanted to be in a place where I could feel comfortable around other women. At the gym, I felt overweight and hated it not to mention I could barely drag myself there.

Boot Camp has taught me SO much but I have GOT to start trying other things! Fitness IS a way of life now and when I was home in Illinois I saw how far I've come. I was teaching my family AND people at the gym what THEY should do. It was amazing. I have read SO much on everything that I feel I need to take advantage of all of my knowledge. Not to mention, I want to see what different trainers have to offer in my area.

So, I won 3 months free of BC. I'm probably going to use them all up and in the meantime I'm going to be looking at different gyms in the area. I already have a few classes lined up with other girls in the class. BC has been a blessing to me on so many levels!

So, I have 3 months to get down to my goal weight (or within 5 pounds of it) and I'm PRAYING I can reach it! I have to push myself pretty hard to get there because I know that these next few weeks of getting competely back on track won't be easy.

We start a new cycle of BC next week and I'm going to go and do the work. =) Also hitting up a few gym classes in between those days!

As far as this last week has gone, I let the challenge get me down and out and I shouldn't have. I have maintained but I have not lost any and that stops NOW.

I wanted to hit goal within a year. Once I saw that it was coming off a bit faster then I anticipated, I changed that to May 31st 2011. That would give me a little over 13 weeks to lose 25lbs. I would LOVE to do it. So...here's me going for it!



xo,
K

Nervous...& Weigh-In

It's Tuesday and I'm nervous. The challenge is over as of Saturday.

Here's how it goes. Saturday we weigh-in, get our final measurements taken and then we have fitness testing. I MUST IMPROVE ON FITNESS TESTING! I know my measurements will be good/better, I think my weight should be fine and it's the FITNESS TESTING I must improve on. This is the part that scares me because I am in competition with NO ONE BUT MYSELF. All I have to do is improve upon MY numbers more then anyone else improves on theirs. Easy right? No!

Anyway, it's gotten to the point where I can barely sleep at night because I am SUCH a competitor I just dream up ways to win. Like literally running through numbers in my head. It's sick. UGH!

Moving on before I go postal, GREAT work out today. It truly was killer. The camera man was back today and I really enjoy him, he's a good spirit so it's easy to talk to him but man was it a horrid hair day. I would post the last video from the start of the challenge but I looked a hot mess so that is gonna have to wait til I see how I look in this one. I believe that both videos will be combined and shown at our potluck which is Saturday where the winners of the 1st ever Boot Camp Fitness Challenge will be announced!

Speaking of the awards ceremony, D is coming! Haha, it will be his first time meeting our trainer and a lot of my BC girls! I'm kind of excited for that. He and my mother have been my BIGGEST cheerleaders. In fact, my mother called me last night and gave me that whole "you're already a winner, look how far you've come" speech when I was freaking out. D just tells me I can do anything I put my mind to, thing is, he really believes it. He truly believes in me and I guess just thinks, eh, she'll do it. He's so laid back and perfect for my high strung self. It's sickening, truly, we are a really sickening PDA couple. No, really.

On that note, I'm going to tell you my weigh-in numbers.

I lost 2lbs this week bringing me to a total of 57.8lbs lost in 28 weeks. 26lbs to go! Let's GO!!!!!

Sidebar: If you haven't read last weeks blog yet, please do! Pictures are in the post as well and it's one of my faves!

xo,
K

I Do What I Want To Do...You Should Too! Plus Weigh-In & PICTURES!!

Good morning readers!

Look, let me cut straight to the chase. I've been MIA for the past few weeks, doesn't mean I haven't been working out or eating right, just means life threw me a few curve balls. I've come out a stronger more knowledgeable person and so for that, I am thankful.

Moving on, today's blog is going to be a long one and I hope you have missed me as much as I've missed logging this journey. =)

Boot Camp

Today was my first day back at BC in WEEKS. We are ALMOST to the finish line of the 8 week challenge. As you all know we had our mid-way weigh-in and physical assessment testing about 2 in a half weeks ago (meaning there is only a week in a half left of this challenge!). At the mid-way point I came in second. Let me break it down for you.
1st place had a score of 34.8
Me? I had 34.2
The 3rd place person? 24.1

As you can see I am only losing by .6 and I know what I need to improve on and that is the fitness testing. I am great with flexibility, great with my form, but I get stuck in my mind as if I'm still a fat person. Meaning, I think like a fat person. Ever watch the shows "I Used to be Fat" or "Heavy"? Those people are always scared to do certain exercises because they don't think it's something a fat person can do with all of that extra weight on them. In my mind, I still think I have the extra weight on me sometimes and that is what happened during the mid-point weigh-ins. I know I didn't push myself as hard as I needed to.

My measurements on the other hand and weight-loss were great. I hope to improve on those again and yet I really want to bring up those fitness scores too! I did a plank for a minute and 15. The goal is to bring that up to 2 minutes. I HIGHLY doubt I can do...no wait...I HAVE GOT TO TRY. It's going to be hell. It's my core and I just don't know if I have it in me but if I don't believe in myself, I won't do it so ...for the next week in a half I'm going to push push and push some more until I get it. Push-ups I KNOW I can improve on. My sit ups? Eh, I set the bar high there so I dunno...I started out at the beginning of the challenge doing 30 full sit ups in a minute (you cant stop -once you stop your count stops) and I upped it to 36 at the mid-way point. The thing is, MAYBE I can get to 40? But I honestly don't know. Now if someone cheated in the beginning and did say 15 sit ups and then at midway was able to do 30...I mean..that's obviously a cheater. I'm just sayin'....see the dilemma?

Anyway, today was GREAT! Coming back I saw so many new faces and W even let us play some basketball to end the day. I must admit, it wasn't like normal days playing basketball. I obviously wasn't pushing myself as hard working out alone and I was EXHAUSTED. Being sick couldn't have helped me much but yeah...

One thing I must note is that while I've had a lot of respiratory problems with this sickness, working out cleared out my lungs and mannnnnnn I feel GREAT! Maybe I should work out more when I'm sick? I'm guessing that's not a good thing but who knows. =)

The bottom line of this whole thing is, I WANT TO WIN! If I don't, I'll be pissed. AT MYSELF. I'll wonder how I let it slip from me. All I can think about is how I can't wait to win 1st place and tell all of you and post the pictures of my prizes. Something you can see in pictures of what I have earned during all of my hard work. Which brings me to another topic today...


WHAT I GET IN RETURN

I'm not sure HOW I felt when I was fat. Okay okay, obese. I am not sure what I was thinking. Sometimes I get SO ANGRY at myself and wonder wtf I was doing. When I was home in Illinois (That's where I was for the past couple weeks) I was staying with my BFF Tai's mom. The first thing she said to me was that I was the skinniest and healthiest she's EVER seen me. Now this woman has known me since I was 13! She said she told Tai the same thing and that he said "No she was that way when we were younger"...thing is, I think he's wrong. He has never seen me as obese, although he did think it was getting out of hand there for a minute when I started not being able to walk like a "skinny" person because my thighs were rubbing together uncontrollably. lol okay see that's not even funny....ugh I guess I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Anyway, my ENTIRE FAMILY was SO motivating and gave me the most amazing compliments. Everywhere I went people noticed and I definitely FELT good. Hell, it seemed like I was the skinniest person everywhere I went, I mean, honestly the mid west is NOT full of fit people. Even the gym I went to, I didn't see one girl skinnier than me. Yes, I looked...can't help it. It made me SO SAD because if I'm STILL not at a healthy BMI (Which I don't put TOO much stock in) then how can these people be healthy? I want to live a FULL PRODUCTIVE life. That's what life is about, NO REGRETS...LIVING.

Anyway, while home, I got something great as a gift. BOTH of my younger brothers asked me to go to the grocery store with them.

The youngest, 20 year old, had me take him alone. We went in and I pointed out things that I eat and that would be easy and fast for him to make for his lifestyle and explained calorie counting to him. He has been doing it for a week now and I'm happy to say that he is sticking with it! He also got a gym membership and I seriously could just sit here and cry. I love him SO SO much and him making this choice is just so inspirational to me and let's me know that I've gotten something SO MUCH BIGGER then my own health back...I got my family back.

The second youngest, 22 year old, asked me to take him mainly because I think he needed a ride lol. However, while there I was able to recommend a few choice things for him and he also gave me a few GREAT recommendations. It was a bonding moment I'm not sure I could have had with him 6 months ago.

It's hard to bond with these two grown men who were a mere 8 and 10 when I left home for college never to return. I feel like these bonding experiences have made us closer and I am SO SO THANKFUL.

You may think it's silly or crazy or doesn't mesh with what I'm going through in this journey but it DOES to ME. I've had SO much regret over the last 11 years of leaving home and not getting to see them grow up and help nurture them that these two trips to the grocery store felt like something I could put in my little memory book as a moment that should have been years ago and now is finally here.

Blessed, I am.

So, not only have I gained my self-esteem back and my family back...but I've also gained my niece not being embarassed to have me drop her off at school or pick her up (AT THE DOOR NO LESS)!! Given, she was never embarassed before but I hadn't seen her in 2 freaking years, she was in grade school then. She is now in 8th grade Jr. High, almost in High School and from what the family tells me, she does NOT let anyone drop her off at the door. Well, I got to and I love that little girl like no other.

I was also able to run up and down the hallways of our hotel (we stayed in for two nights) with my nephew and not get winded! I flipped him, turned him, did sprints and we stayedddd active. It was amazing. I can't even put into words how much these small things affected me...but they did. Know that they did and they will change your life too if you just put in the work...which brings me to my last soliloquy before the weigh-in update with pictures.

WORKING OUT & EATING RIGHT

Changing your body can't just be about one or the other. So many times I hear people or see people on Facebook saying they lost weight or they want to lose weight and I cringe. Same way people have probably cringed at me in the past.

Fine, lose weight, but do it the RIGHT way and make sure YOU ARE READY. If you're not ready, you're only going to fail and eliminate any sources of motivation you have.  People don't want to see you fail, (well some do but who needs those type of haters?) they want to see you succeed. So IF you fail, the next time you are ready to start, expect your fan base of supporters to be a bit smaller.

You can limit your calorie intake to 1200 calories all you want, but is that going to be sustainable for you? Especially if you're starting out at over 200+? Take it slow, you don't need weight watchers or nutrisystem or a program. You can learn to do something all on your own if you want. You don't need money to get healthy is all I'm saying. I hear EVERY excuse in the book! "Healthy food is too expensive" "Gym memberships are ridiculously priced!" Buy a few weights and check out on demand exercise videos or youtube exercise videos!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

The thing about JUST eating right is this, you will shed the pounds but the inches will come off MUCH MUCH slower and you won't notice a difference as much as you would if you worked out.

I have shed 20lbs in 3 weeks before and didn't notice even 10% of the difference I noticed when I shed 20lbs WHILE working out. My body is TIGHT. My legs are MUSCULAR, so muscular in fact that I now ENJOY watching myself in the mirror. I still can't stand to see my ass in the mirror (It is not NEARLY as perky as it needs to be...YET) but I love watching my legs. My love handles are there but damn are they TIGHT and compact. I am STRONG.

My inches have shed faster and faster the more working out I do. I still have over 20 pounds to lose but my body is going places ya'll. It's going places I never even DREAMED it could.

Okay wait, I lied. When I was obese I used to always think in my head that "Someday I'll look like that" or "Someday I could be in Miss Teen USA, once I lose 20lbs" then 20lbs turned into 30, then 40, then 50...until it just got so out of hand. The craziest thing is, I think my BFF's mom might have been right...I probably AM the smallest she's ever seen me because of what these WORKOUTS have done for and to my body. It's finally SHAPED it. KG has a SHAPE! It's crazy. I know.

My face has always been cute but when you had 80lbs of fat to it, your face disappears and you become a blob. Or, well, I did.

Anyway, I'll finally move on to weigh-in and pictures!


Weigh-In

It is now Week 27 (as of Monday) and on Monday I weighed in having lost 3.8 lbs over the last 2 weeks of being in "crazy off my rocker personal crash" mode. Meaning, my life was up in the air but I was still able to not only maintain my weight loss but still lose.

Which means, in 27 weeks I have lost a total of 55.8 pounds. The goal is to lose 83.8 lbs so I still have 28lbs to go!

People keep telling me, WHERE?! You're going to lose yourself! To that I say, Eff you! I may only need to go down 23lbs more but I won't know until I get A LOT closer to it. Once I'm down another 20 I will re-evaluate those last 3-8lbs and see where I stand with my body and what I WANT out of my body. Not what anyone else wants. In the pictures you will see below you will CLEARLY see where I need to lose the rest of my fat. We can't "spot-train" so I just have to keep pushing until it's gone!


The greatest thing about our bodies are that they are OURS and we should be able to and CAN do ANYTHING WE WANT TO DO to them, and I DO, YOU SHOULD TOO!

Did I mention I have an awesome boyfriend who loved me as a fat ass, a teenage girl in angst and a crazy person? Oh yeah, and he still loves me now, while I'm at my best. =) He is definitely one of my biggest cheerleaders. So if you have a man or a partner who isn't cheering you on, best to cut him out. You need to be accountable for you, and if he doesn't love you enough to be supportive, find it in your heart to get healthy for YOU and find someone who loves ALL of you. But I'm no therapist...just my two cents.

PICTURES

Okay so here's the disclaimer as usual!

When I first began I didn't take pictures so the first picture you will see is a candid taken of me. The next will be one month after starting my journey, and then you will see the most current updated picture taken today.

EVERY TIME I get new shirts, I out grow them so please excuse how baggy the shirt is at the bottom, maybe I should start taking the photos in wife beaters? Any suggestions on this are appreciated!

Before weight loss on vacation 2010 June

 

The picture to the left is me in September 2010. One month after starting my journey. The picture of me to the right is the me of today, February 23rd 2011. Same with the pictures below of the side view. 

Looking at these pictures shows me how far I have come. Is it embarrassing? A little bit but my pride won't let me be too embarrassed to post. There are others going through this same disease I had. Lack of motivation. If anything, this motivates me to continue my path towards a healthy lifestyle for LIFE.

There is no fix quick. It takes patience, learning, A LOT of reading different studies, finding what works for YOU and NO EXCUSES. 

Am I a 10? Hell no. I have a ways to go and these pictures just prove that to me but I am in a MUCH better place then I was back in September.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, comments, suggestions, advice and all that good stuff below!

Thank you for hanging in there with me while I'm working to cultivate this beach body and get my healthy back!

xo,

K

24 Weeks In - WEIGH-IN!!!!

Helllllllllooo!

So, I know I haven't updated in awhile and that is two-fold. One reason being we have SO much snow and I've been SO busy! The other thing is, I'm injured =( While I wish it was an injury I could just work through, it is not and so I have kept it mainly to myself and hope to be back in the saddle Wednesday.

With that said, I've stayed on plan the entire week and this week! I will make this weigh-in short and simple and I also PROMISE to get pics for you by Wednesday! HOPEFULLY I can get them done tomorrow in time to post on here. =) I love before and after pics so trust, I want to get them done as badly as I know they need to go up here!

So, weigh-in time!

I lost 2.2lbs this week! That brings me to 50.6 lbs lost in 24 weeks!!! Life is good. I always told myself that once I had lost 50lbs the rest would be easy but I know that is not the case. It is going to get harder (and TRUST ME IT HAS!!) and I'm going to have to REALLY push myself which is why being out of commission for working out is KILLING ME slowly. I'm miserable! Trust. Miserable but I look good. =) I guess in a sense it's good because I know I won't be burning off those extra calories in work outs so I truly have been watching what I eat a LOT more.

Last night we would out to dinner with D and his fam for his brothers bday. When I walked up it was hysterical because his aunt and cousin were freaking out and kept asking me to stand up and show my belly then his cousin (whom I adore) said "OMG YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET YOU!" I took it all in and thought it was all really sweet. At one point they apologized like "Not saying you were fat before!" and I'm like no, yes I was fat, you can say it. I got SO good at posting only flattering (and they really weren't that flattering to be honest) pics of myself that I never saw how fat I had gotten!

With 33lbs to go...here's to hoping I get there and LIKE being there. It will be a test to see if I'll be happy at that weight or not. Once I get to 55lbs down I may just tell you all my weight. =) That will be eye-opening I'm sure...for all of us.

xo,
K

Have a GREAT week!

And...They're BAAAACK!!! Plus Weigh-In 23 Weeks in!

Hello all of my faithful readers and any newbies joining us!

Yesterday in boot camp I noticed a pain in my arch and it began (once again) shooting up to my shins. I kept going of course because pain is never going to deter me, especially when it's a pain you just have to work through or let it take control of YOU..no pain can take control of me. No no no.

So today in BC, this time it was MUCH stronger. My shin splints are back ya'll. No BS. The pain is ROARING! However, after all the research I've done, I know the only thing to do is stretch, ice em and rub em and then just keep pushign through the exercises, WHILE IN PAIN! I did a few alternate exercises during certain things that caused me great agony but overall I'm pretty satisfied w/ the work out today, even w/ the shin splints.

I remember when I first started and that blew my mind. I persevered tho, I can do it again.

Our class is slowly dwindling. At the beginning of the session we had 18 people in our class (there are two other classes besides ours) and now I would guesstimate that we are down to a solid 10 people that come regularly. It hurts my heart to know so many people say they are ready for a healthy lifestyle and then...just give up. I really think that had we been assigned like big sister/new sister duties that might not have happened but what can ya do? I push everyone I can, just like they all push me to be better =)


This morning after BC I was pretty emotional. Listenig to Bye Bye by Mariah and thinking about my father and how sick he was when he passed away. He would be SO proud of me if he were alive today. To see I turned around and got myself in order before it was too late. I'm not where I NEED to be yet but I will be soon enough. I really wish he could see everything I'm doing and be there to support me, but when in doubt, I pray and I talk to him out loud and I know he can hear me.


ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYY I guess I should move on to WEIGH-IN!!!

Am I happy? Eh...not so much. Am I disappointed? A bit! But I know I will just push myself harder this week. I had TOM so I'm hoping that it is playing a part right now (in water weight). Alas, I cannot lie to myself so here goes.

I lost 1.6 lbs this past week which brings me to 48.4 lbs total lost thus far (23 weeks total). Freaking 1.6 lbs away from 50lbs lost. Can I just hit 50lbs lost already?! I mean damn! On another note that means I have lost a total of 5.2lbs since the challenge began 2 weeks ago. If I can keep it up to 5lbs every two weeks then I can definitely lose the 20lbs I wanted to lose for this boot camp challenge. Anywhere between 16-20 and I'll be happy. =)

Anyway, before and current pictures coming tomorrow!!!! Hope you'll all be back to read that. It's weird, weigh in days are definitely my busiest traffic days. Yet, I get the least amount of comments. Not sue if that is because people who WANT to see me fail come and pray I'm failing or if people just don't like to comment. =) Either way, I'm suceeding so the haters can suck it! I put it out there for everyone, judge and judge away =)

Love you ALL, and I mean that!

xo,
K

Even Mother Nature Can't Stop Me! 2 Weeks of the Challenge ALMOST down!

WHEW! So, where to begin? Let's see...I woke up to snow covering our car. Joy! No.

Once I was done shoveling and scraping I realized my socks were soaked through and so were my shoes! I had to run back upstairs to get a new pair of both and by this point I had about 15 minutes to get to class SAFELY because HELLO! Today was the day we had a camera man there filming our every move.

I am SO glad I got my eyebrows done yesterday because W asked me to do a testimonial and although I didn't want to per-say, I did for two reasons. One: I LOVE Boot Camp. I believe in it. I believe in W and I believe in the girls in the class. Two: DUH! I totally didn't want it to count against me for the challenge. LOL True story.

I'm hoping that the challenge will include form and technique along with all the body fat percentage and muscle percentages etc. I've been working my BUTT off at improving my form and technique and I think it is paying off. I was told that my push-ups were perfect today =) I'm told that a lot. The reinforcement from our trainer is SO IMPORTANT! I like the way that feels, I also like knowing I'm doing it correctly, especially because form is SO important to me and I see so many people doing it wrong (on tv and otherwise) and I just don't want that to be me anymore. That's a personal goal of mine because for so long I couldn't even DO a push-up, let alone do it correctly.

I also like the way it feels when I'm doing an exercise and I feel muscle. For instance, when doing wall sits I used to look down at my legs and just see nothing but thighs full of fat. Now I look down and they are firm and smaller...I dig that, I dig that SO much.

Unfortunately, before going on camera I was caught looking in the glass door at my reflection (sidebar: I liked what I saw) but I guess I am STILL constantly concerned what others will think. Okay, not constantly, I mean the circumstances were a bit far off today, there was someone there taping our EVERY move and working in TV, I wanted my best angles...which is hard to get when you're sweating profusely and working your body. Eh, what can you do? At least I won't look lazy!

Anyway, it is that TOM and I am oh so bloated and gross feeling so that is another reason I was just like UGH. When W is pushing me to my limits and it's TOM, I literally want to scream in his face "ARE YOU A WOMAN?! DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE BLOATED AND CRAMPING"!?!??!!?!? Today in fact I almost did that while doing suicides and being pushed...but I clamped my mouth down and just did it...I'm not even sure if there was a woman trainer I would like that, but damn it's hard when a man is telling you what to do and it's TOM and they have NO IDEA what it feels like. LOL Okay, TMI? Don't you just love abbreviations? I do...obvz. =)

Okay so I'm off to get some work done...as if I haven't gotten work in today already!

One quick note, I've been on plan all week =) No missteps and no mishaps and I'm feeling GREAT about that. Let's pray when I weigh-in it will show on the scale.

I'll be going to Boot Camp tomorrow (Saturday) because I couldn't make yesterdays session. I will also be weighing in on Tuesday instead of Monday next week, because of TOM! After that we'll go back to the regularly scheduled Monday's =)

I should also be posting pictures on Tuesday if all goes well, it may have to be Wednesday though depending on what D's schedule is. Have I mentioned lately that I have THE BEST BOYFRIEND ever? He is so amazing. Seriously...I <3 him =)

xo,
K

I Probably Think I'm Cooler Than You....plus WEIGH-IN @ 22 Weeks!

Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner
Seriously love this song...It helped to bring me back down to earth. True story. I'm nowhere near the level of stupidity the girl in the song he is speaking of is, but...I've been there before and I DO NOT want to go back. Getting older is such a blessing as you learn and grow and CHANGE! I love it =) 

Good mornTING!!!!!!

I'm going to jump right into the weigh-in and tell you guys how much I lost the first week of the challenge and then I'm going to go into just a BIT of the mental parts of losing weight FOR ME and lastly, I'll give you guys a few healthy snack choices that you can easily fit into your calorie range. Just remember, no food 2-3 hours before bed and you should be good =)

Weigh-In
This week I dropped a total of 3.8lbs! Yay!!! That brings my weight loss to 47 pounds in 22 weeks!! 3 pounds away from losing 50 freaking pounds!!! Okay well technically it's 46.8lbs lost. =) The goal for next week is to lose at least 2.2 but I'm aiming for 3-4. Let's see how that goes. =)

It's insane to even think about. It may not seem like a lot to those of you out there that are struggling with weight loss as well but imagine carrying around an extra 47pounds ball with you everyday on your way to work. Not fun!

Here's the thing. I know I have it better then some. Mentally, I'm fine, and by fine I mean I KNOW I'm cute. No one can tell me otherwise. I look in the mirror at this face and I love it. True story. I mean, yes I could stand for some botox in my forehead (soon enough) but overall I mean...I really was blessed with such a cute face.

But there is also an underlying problem in that mental state of mine. There is this phenomenom called "phantom fat", (Phantom Fat - MSNBC article) and while I DO NOT have the exact description, I do have parts of it. For instance, I'll see a space in front of me...my brain is telling me I can't fit through it and to turn to the side, when I do, I realize I have tons of space around me and remember, Oh yeah...I've lost a lot of weight. Somehow my brain has yet to catch up. I'm not quite there yet. Another example is when you go to the store to buy clothes, and you get the same sizes you used to get only to realize after trying them on that umm they are two sizes too big. It's a very weird thing to experience. I am trying to reprogram my mind around those issues. Like I said, I don't have it as bad as some. I don't hate myself or my body...in fact I was told today to stay humble. Why? you ask...well I mentioned that I was going through FB pics yesterday and about to take SO many down or hide them from my friends because I couldn't BELIEVE I let myself get that big or that I even had the AUDACITY to post pictures of myself looking like that! But, a great point was made, I have to remember where I came from to get where I am going. There is nothing more in the world that I want more, then to be confident AND have the ability to do anything physically that I aspire to.

So with that said, I think I need to be reminded (and maybe remind all of you) how far I've come and how I truly used to be "that girl" that I never wanted to be. You know, the one who couldn't do more then one push up, the girl who could barely run for more then ten seconds. The one who CRIED the first day of boot camp during AND after hysterically.

I truly thought the hardest part of this journey was going to be getting started. I mean it seems like this MASSIVE road is in front of you and how the HELL are you supposed to get to the end? Then, a light bulb went off in my head. I realized the hardest part was going to be maintaining and getting BETTER. There is ALWAYS room for improvement so my head DOES have to come down some. I'm not sure if I'm ready to work on that yet. I like feeling confident, the one thing I have to remind myself of and DEF begin working on is worrying about others. I'm in competition with no one but myself, I have to keep reminding myself that just because *I* think I'm better then the next person at something, there was also a time when I wasn't. I'm going to start working on that from now until the end of my life and apply it to everything I do, whether it's work, fitness or my relationships.

I've learned SO much about myself and food (don't even get me started on how much WRONG information people are giving out there!) and just my addiction to it and what caused me to become the size I was, that I feel as though if I can get this completely under control, only THEN will I truly be able to help others realize their potential and be an inspiration.


When people tell me I have inspired them, I just want to say no no no. Truly. I can't be an inspiration until I have everything under control and maintenance. For now, I just gotta work on me.

The most important thing I think anyone entering a program is that it should never be JUST about vanity. Sure, that is a reason for everyone but your health should be numero uno. Who wants to be the fat mom who can't run with her kids at he park? Feeds her child terrible things? Or the dad who sits on the couch flipping the station while vegging out with a whole pizza to himself while his kids beg him to play ball?

Now is the time to fix all of that so that my kids never even WANT fast food. So I know how to make a healthy meal that they'll love. So I know that when my kids want to learn to ski, go swimming, go hiking and camping that I'll be the mother right up there with them racing them to the end. THAT is the me that I was destined to be and that only *I* can make myself be.

I read a lot about people blaming their parents for their eating habits. My children will NEVER place blame on me.

Anyway, I think I've written enough today huh? Just want to give you guys a few healthy SNACK options for those times in between lunch and dinner or breakfast and dinner =)

Remember, 4-6 small meals a day is genius.

1. Orville 100 Calorie Smart Pop - LOVE THIS. No need to add salt! It has a GREAT taste.

2. Trader Joes Turkey Jerky! OMG Heaven! I went on a MISSION to find this this past weekend. A serious one. It is so amazing as an extra snack! Just remember not to eat the whole bag in one sitting. If you do, it's fine but I recommend 1/3 of the bag per snack.

3. Special K cracker chips - Sour cream & Onion - SERIOUSLY!?! I LOVEEEE potato chips. I still can't believe I haven't had them in over 4 months but yeah, I haven't (just like I havent had liquor) but these are yummmmmmmmmmy and give you that chip taste AND feel! 27 chips is only 110 calories and the fat calories are even small! I only eat about 20 chips per snack but feel free to eat all 27 if you are so inclined. =)

4. As usual, grapes, bananas (yum!), oatmeal, pears, ANY FRUIT really are all great for you. But don't overdo it, there is a LOT of sugar in some of those.

5. If I know I'm going to be out for awhile I sometimes take protein snacks with me. I will take about three pieces of thinly sliced turkey and roll it over a pickle, (make 2 of them) and put them in a baggy. If I get hungry I have a great healthy snack waiting for me. =)

And with that said, I'm off! Next week I'll be taking some before and after photos =) It's been a month and I think it's about that time!

Now if I could just stop smoking....

xo xo,
K

sidebar: Anyone catch that show Heavy on A&E last night? My girl Tiff MADE ME record it lol and honestly I'm glad she did. It gives such a great perspective on the MENTAL side of this whole weight loss thing. Crazy. If you didn't catch it I highly recommend it to ANYONE!

One Week of Our 8-Week Challenge DOWN!

Woohoo! Hellllllllllllooooooo!

So, as the title suggests, we have officially ended week 1 of the 8 week challenge. I have stayed on plan the entire time and my body is really responding!

I have upped my weights from 5lbs to 8lbs and I feel GREAT!!!! Today's work out was definitely tough. There were about 20 different stations, some of which included, planks, russian twists, push ups, heavy ass ropes, tricep dips, suicides, etc. which had to each be done for a minute. We all rotated. In between switching to the next exercise we all would have to do 30 seconds of jumping jacks or burpees or high knees or well...whatever W said to do haha. I went through so much water today...I'm exhausted!!! Yet...I feel GREAT!

My body is truly responding, I have not been sore all week. I think I am FINALLY getting to a point where I am "in shape". Dare I say that?! I mean, I had a bit of soreness in my arms from upping the weights but it was nothing really out of the ordinary or crazy. I feel good.

Anyway, I'm off!!! I'm hoping that on Monday (official weigh-in day) I am AT LEAST down 3lbs from the start of our challenge a week ago. My body needed to get back on track and I'm so happy I am finally there!

Let's see what Monday brings. =) Next week I will also be posting before and after (or current) photos. Yay! Those always make me feel ten times worse about myself but eh, it has to be done for bookkeeping sake. Ha!

Tonight I am off to see a Broadway show with the mans mother and then this weekend I have a birthday party (no drinking for me!) on Saturday and then on Sunday or Monday, D and I have a romantic dinner planned at a place that makes fondue. =/ Needless to say I'll really have to work that off the next morning or just watch my calorie intake the rest of the day.

xo!
K

Mind, Body and Spirit...Confidence is key!

Hello all of my lovely readers!

Major shout out to those of you who stuck with me through the Holidays and trusted in my abilities to maintain.

One thing I've learned through this journey is that without confidence in yourself, nothing is possible. It is okay to have doubts sometimes, as long as they are just DOUBTS and not you giving up completely. When I have stumbled, I have picked myself right back up and jumped on again.

Had I never imagined I could lose close to 45lbs I probably never would have. I have another 35-40 to go (depending on if I like the way I look or want to lose more). I am SO excited and can't wait to see the outcome.

I attended boot camp both Monday and Tuesday. WHEW a lot of new people! More then any other cycle! I assume it is two fold, partly because of it being a "challenge" where you win pretty awesome prizes and then MOSTLY because in the new year people always "say" they are going to lose weight.

Only time will tell how many of them stick with it but I truly hope I see them all next cycle AFTER the challenge is over. It would be amazing to see so many women sticking with getting healthy.

The way I feel is indescribable. I love trying on clothes (even if I don't buy that many because I know I'm not gonna fit em for long), I love walking down the street, hell, I even love certain exercises at boot camp!

I didn't end up attending BC (boot camp) today because of the snow. I could not shovel our car out for the life of me...eh, what can ya do? Oh, that's right. I can do exercises at home. They won't be as intense but I'm going to force myself to do at least 15 minutes of weight training. I need my arms to be fire when the fat dissipates.

I weighed myself today (3x all got the same number - Cuz I didn't believe it!) and I'm already down 2lbs from last weigh-in. I'm hoping I can stick there and maybe lose a pound more. I think my body was/is ready because I've just been maintaining and not really making all that great of food choices and also not exercising, so it is thanking me for getting back on track. My body loves me =)

And sidebar: when I say my body, I mean the good parts, not the fat lol.

I've noticed in pictures I look SO MUCH YOUNGER. It is amazing to me the difference my face has. It is CLEAR, my skin is SOFT and man I am so sorry and do not mean to sound cocky but DAMN I am seriously adorable! I even posted a picture on Facebook of me with my glasses on, I never do that. It's either contacts or I take the glasses off. My self esteem has just skyrocketed. I'm afraid to see what I'll be like when I'm 40lbs lighter.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before but even after I drop the initial 80-90lbs I was trying to lose in the first year...I'll have another year of toning, conditioning and losing body fat. Turns out that in order to have a six pack you must have at the very most 18% body fat. So that will probably be another personal challenge AFTER I reach this goal. *Fingers crossed* that I can reach it within a year, although I'm guessing I'll reach it in the next 5 months which would be about 3 months early. =) Yeah, I have that kind of confidence in myself these days. =)

Last but not least, I am WINNING this challenge. I trust that I can at least place in 1st or 2nd. I don't want 3rd, I don't want any part of it. It would be a major blow to my ego so I HAVE GOT to push through this. The part that scares me is the trainer of BC is choosing based on many different variables. I have no idea if these new girls will have me beat. I know had I started off in BC on this challenge I would have won hands down. I lost so many inches and over 20lbs that first 8 weeks so yeah...That is why I'm saying if I can drop 16-20 AFTER having done this for over 4 months? I think I can win. But I also have to get stronger and faster and just overall more healthy. I need to drop my BMI (which he calculated by one of those hand things you hold). I need to drop that more anyway...I remember when it was an unmentionable number. =/

I have been doing very good food-wise, no missteps and honestly I don't even want to "work in" a treat in my calorie range. If it's unhealthy, it's not going into my body for the next 8 weeks.

All I can say is that in four months I've done a 180. My mind has changed, I no longer obsess all the time of what others think of me (altho I am still a bit self conscious in BC). I am living my life for ME ME ME. I have fun everywhere I go, cutting certain friends out has been a BLESSING in disguise. It's just insane how much time you don't even realize you spend on people, and when they are gone and the drama is too, it's crazy how little you truly think of them, if ever! I highly highly recommend this to anyone who has a friend who brings nothing but drama. (ie. Nene Leakes, if you are reading this, Kim - "Close your legs to married men!")

My body - I think that goes without saying. I can fit a very tight Medium but I feel more comfortable in Larges. I remember when XXL sometimes wouldn't even fit! Crazy talk. I don't even want to mention my jeans! I love trying on different sizes and seeing them FIT! I even wear leggings now without feeling like one of those fat girls that shouldn't even have them on cuz you can see all their cellulite.

Spirit - Through the roof! I've gotten closer with the Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ through whom ALL things are possible. Truly and indefinitely. I am so blessed and so loved...I cannot WAIT to see what this year brings. I only hope to continue my growth of Mind, Body and Spirit.

Anyway, I adore you all for sticking with me through the holidays and hope that for the next 8 weeks you'll be here pushing me on to WIN this whole challenge. I WANT it both for my self esteem, and because I NEEDED this to help push me through the holiday maintenance. Did I mention I'm competitive? Yeah...that's me, all KG.

xo,
K

You Just Gotta Ignite The Light & Let it It Shine!!!

Do you ever feel already buried deep? Do you know that there's still a chance for you? Just own the night, like the fourth of July! Cause baby you're a firework, come on show em what you're worth!

Firework - Katy Perry

As much as I can't stand this product of the industry, she can sing and to top it off, this song makes me want to freaking conquer the WORLD! Obviously because of the line "You're original, cannot be replaced". Well duh. I already knew that but the entire song is like, AWESOME!

Sorry it's been so long since my last update. The holidays have come and gone and now I shall update you!

My mother came in for a visit, 12 days of pure BLISS! I love my mom beyond all belief! Of course I cried about a pound worth of tears when I saw her and it was heaven.

We went grocery shopping the first day she was here and went out to good old Wal-Mart (you know the place with horrible service and the place that also pays their workers close to nothing?). While there she asked me if there was a sale on yoga mats because EVERYONE had one. So we went to look, uh, no. There was no sale. Then I realized, ohhhhh it's about to be the New Year and EVERYONE is SAYING they are going to make a change in their eating habits or their exercise regimen. We counted over 35ppl with like yoga mats. It was crazy. I couldn't help but laugh.

I wasn't laughing at those people per-say. It was more of..wow, that USED to be me. I bought a cheap ass yoga mat. Still have it in fact. I had to laugh to keep from crying. Statistics show that over 75% of those people won't even make it through two weeks of an exercise plan, let alone dieting. It's so sad to think about.

That is why I had to start mine BEFORE the New Year. I also didn't limit myself very well over the holidays. I mean I watched what I ate sometimes but I also ate out, A LOT! And it was YUMMY! But the greatest part was that some things I USED to eat, I didn't even want this time because I knew how unhealthy they were. Plus, for the most part, I was able to limit my weight gain to around .8 (so almost a pound) at the end of the day...that's a win for me. I'm not angry. I wanted to maintain and I just about did it. Had I done my exercises (I didn't exercise ONCE in these past two weeks) I probably would have lost weight. Eh, what can ya do? I wanted a break and I got it!

Seeing my mother leave was the hardest part of the holidays. She spent Christmas with us and a beautiful New Year only to say goodbye on the 4th. =( The best part was when the snow storm hit us and we were trapped inside our apartment for two days straight to fend for ourselves. While it can be said we were kind of bored out of our minds, I will never forget those two days because we truly bonded. I adore her. She was also SHOCKED by how much I've shrunk. Moms are your biggest cheerleaders!

So, that brings us to...TODAY! The Boot Camp Fitness New Year New You Challenge. Let me explain a bit of what this is.

For 8 weeks the girls in Boot Camp will be competing to place or to just get stronger/faster/smaller.

Here's the thing, there are 1st, 2nd and 3rd prizes. Of course I want 1st but I'd settle for 2nd I guess...although I wouldn't be completely thrilled with it, I want 1st. Being I'm a competitive person...I say you either give it all or go home.

So today was our assessments. A BEFORE picture was taken. I was weighed, measured all over my body, they took my body fat percentage, my muscle percentage and to top it off we had a fitness assessment.

For the fitness one I kind of sucked. I think it had something to do with being out of boot camp for 2 weeks but I pushed through. The goal is to double all of those numbers, except the sit ups one, I think I did pretty great on those so if I can just get them up about 5 more then I'll be happy. I also want to increase my muscle but hopefully lose 16-20lbs. If I can do ALL of that then I honestly don't think I can lose. Truly.

I think the thing MOST people forget about when losing weight is gaining muscle and strength! That is HUGE HUGE HUGE to me, which is why working out REGULARLY (meaning more then 3x a week) is SO important to me! I do NOT want to lose weight and have fat hanging off of me or still not be able to run a mile or climb a freaking MOUNTAIN if I want to!

With all that said....Now that you guys know what it is, hopefully I won't have to explain it to anyone.


We are going to have a mid-session evaluation and then a final evaluation. I will know mid-way through if I need to work a bit harder. I'm SO excited! Haha, will I be this excited 8 weeks down the line if I lose or didn't do as well? I don't know but this is the push I need to get over this hump!

I should state for the record if I go by the weight that was given today I have officially lost 43lbs EXACTLY. That's good shit. Let's hope I can it to 60lbs lost by the time these 8 weeks are up!



I would show you guys the measurements and such but I'm really not that comfortable...YET. In the meantime I'll share a few pictures taken over the holiday break session.

Oh Madame Tussaud's how we love thee!

Until Monday...
Xoxo,
K


ps. Did I mention I am going to have to try to go to EVERY DAY of boot camp if I want to win? I'm talking 5x a week for 8 weeks. There can be NO missed sessions unless it is unavoidable. OUCH!

I Can NOT Tell a Lie

This is going to be very short and sweet.

Yes I went to boot camp this morning. No I did not end up going last night, that is why you should always work out in the morning! You never know what your day is going to turn into!

and lastly...I cannot tell a lie. I am petrified of what this Christmas season is going to bring. Food upon more food and I do NOT want to gain. I think I'll be satisfied if I just maintain. I can say all I want that I'm going to work out 20-30 minutes a day on my own but without boot camp to hold me accountable...I'm not sure I've reached that level yet. I mean, my MOM is coming! We have so much to do...and she's bringing my favorite pizza EVER..not to mention my favorite sandwich EVER. UGH

I am scared. However, I do not drink alcohol anymore, I don't even want to. I drink only water and milk for protein and I know that eating in moderation is key. I also know that it is okay to indulge as long as I hold myself accountable and make sure there is a good mix of healthy stuff in there too. I am going to take these three things and try my hardest to make it through until this season is gone!

xo,
K

New Year! New You!! YAY!!!

Hello Everyone!

So let me first apologize for not updating since Tuesday! I would like to put all fears to rest, YES! I went to boot camp every day this week! Busted my ass so bad I sprained a muscle but still went and worked out. Feels GREAT. My leg is feeling a bit better today.

We had a boxing day today and I think I'm finally getting the hang of it, after W took some one on one time with me today to explain a few things. I have a hard time with balance and I've been working on my core strength a lot to build that up.

Soooo here's the rub! This week is the week our 8 week Challenge Kick-off was announced! How excited am I? Pretty damn excited! It all begins January 8th 2011!


Not only will there be a 1st, 2nd and 3rd prize winner (with awesome prizes) but he is also doing superlatives. Ya'll KNOW I love superlatives, well if you didn't know, now ya know!


The greatest part about the entire program he is creating for the new year 8 week New Year New You Challenge is the fact that it is going to push me to my limit. I am a competitive person by nature and now that I believe in myself, I TRUST I am going to win or place 1st or 2nd. (If I place 3rd I'll be okay too). See, I say this, and then if I don't place I'll have to back down. LOL Oh well!


F and I already have a breakfast date set up for tomorrow to discuss our game plan! HAHA, we are going to rock it. Or at least try really hard. The worse that can happen is we don't win but yet we still lose weight and gain muscle!


For more info on the 8 week challenge, ESPECIALLY for all you Jersey City/NYC ladies, check it out here: New Year! New You!

With that said, I am off to enjoy my weekend!

Doing a bit of breakfast in the morning with F and then we are heading to ice skate. Should be interesting seeing as how I haven't ice skated since I was what? 12? Hence the reason we are going EARLY. Hopefully the ice won't be packed. It will be a nice work out for my legs too. =)

On a side note, today looking in the mirror at boxing, I noticed I am FINALLY getting what resembles a butt. It may be small but at least it is shaping...I can't wait to see what a year in boot camp will do to it. I cannot BELIEVE it is about to be 2011!! Insane! I'm SO glad I started cultivating my beach body before the summer. =)

I won't have a six pack by THIS summer, but I should be at goal weight by this summer and then it will be time to start working on complete toning and a six pack for 2012!!

xo,
K

Friday - Boxing! Ummm...Can I Just Pull Hair Instead?

Hello my lovely readers!

It is Friday and I hope you guys are ready for a fun filled weekend full of ...well, whatever it is you like to do on your weekends! I for one let my body rest and spend time with the man but this weekend we have a game show audition...Yes really. We always talk shit when watching this particular show, you know the typical "Oh wtf!!! We could SO do that!" or "Once we reach 50G's LEAVE, they are SO STUPID to keep going!" Anyway, I decided I feel confident enough in my endurance and fitness level (and the way I would look) to try out. D actually agreed to audition with me! He has high doubts that we'll make it but ya'll know me, I don't doubt myself. If we do, GREAT...I'm seriously getting to 50k and stopping...if we don't...Oh well! I work in TV so I'm not jaded. I know how it works!

Moving on, today was a boxing day and can I just state for the record, I HATE BOXING! I would rather just pull someone's hair and bite the fuck out of them until they are reaching to stop me from biting and then slam their head in the ground. I know, harsh...but I mean REALLY?! All of that punching wears me out. Hopefully I can get my arms in tip top shape so that I don't find punching such a chore. My jaw on the other hand has plenty of strength (from eating?) and I'm guessing I could bite someone for hours if they messed with me. =) Laugh, I'm joking! (sort of)

Anyway, we were all discussing how crazy we look in boot camp. I wish you could see us. Hair not combed, just water brushed over our faces, sweaty, no make up...just hot messes. I actually think we all look pretty good for getting up at 5:30am and running all around and punching out bags (and each other). It is funny to see us all dressed up though. That is why I love our mixers. One night we get to get all dressed up and see each other as normal beings and not super mutants. =)

Yesterday one of the girls from BC, F, sent me a GREAT link! It is all about how much endurance or muscle strength you lose if you stop working out. So, say you gained 50% of muscle strength while working out for 2 months. If you stop exercising, you'll lose 50% of the muscle you gained in 2 months or less. Stop for 4 months and you'll lose ALL of it. Crazy right? Check out this link: Fitness Bandwagon . It really is a GREAT read. I recommend reading it while eating your lunch. Maybe you'll wanna get up afterward and do some stand up-kick outs (Do em for me, I despise them with a passion!).

I found some other great articles on smokers who exercise and will definitely touch on that next week as that is a subject that deserves it's own blog. If you smoke and exercise...well let's just say that blog will be for you...and me!

I also received the most AMAZING e-mail ever this morning. A woman, L, who used to be in our 6:45am session (and now goes to 5:45am) e-mailed me to say she was up this morning and reading my blog. She said the day that I came to boot camp and (i wrote about this) F grabbed my hand to pull me along and she called out my name and told me to keep going and I DID, that was the day she realized boot camp wasn't just about being in shape...well wait, her exact words were "not just for the great workouts, but for the unsolicited support of women going through the same thing you are". That right there sums it up for me.

When it happened, F thought I would think she was too overbearing. L didn't know me from any other person on the street. I was a complete stranger to these women and yet they saw me struggling and THEY alone made me want to push forward. If complete strangers believe in you...you can believe in yourself. Trust.

and with that...I'm off!

Love you guys all SO MUCH. And if any of you are in the Jersey City area and want to try out our boot camp for free, next week is bring a friend week! I'd love to be your host and bring ya in to try it out! Make those New Year resolutions NOW and STICK WITH THEM!

xo,
K


Sidebar: My testimonial went up on the boot camp website yesterday! Check it out here: Boot Camp Testimonial. I am the second one down. Although I am not at goal yet, I plan on getting there =) and once there I will definitely do an updated testimonial. I cannot testify enough! haha.

love ya!

I Told You Give Me a Minute & I'll be Right Back... PLUS WEIGH-IN

Beyonce - Diva - This song ALWAYS gets me pumped and I tend to imagine myself singing it about weight loss and how far I've gotten rather than about selling records. =) I'm a dork.

If I ever get complacent and start to feel myself TOO MUCH, there is nothing like a quick dose of reality to put me in my place. Every month when I do my before/after pictures I see how far I've come and yet how far I have to go.

Today at boot camp I was going off about 2 hours of sleep. Exhausted, I climbed out of bed and into the cold brisk dark morning and headed to boot camp. Albeit reluctantly. It's crazy, when I'm there I'm in love. I love the girls, I love the work outs. I love pushing myself...I love to see if I can do the "challenge by choices" (These are exercises that he gives but then adds something special, like standing on one foot while doing it) and then if I can, I just am filled with overwhelming pride.

Sometimes, I get so discouraged and angry at myself if I can't do something. All it takes is a quick reminder through my blog to remind me what my first week at boot camp was like. I couldn't even BREATHE let alone finish any exercise. The great thing about BC? None of that mattered then and it doesn't matter now. I am only in contest with myself and seeing how far I've come is truly a testament to that age old saying "If I can do it, anyone can". I guarantee I could run laps around just about anyone out there. At least for ten minutes =) Ha!

It's crazy because I know I am SO hard on myself and it's only been 16 weeks! I see how far I've come but for some reason I want it all and I want it now! Luckily my head game is smarter than my heart game because I know that losing weight at an unhealthy pace is not safe for me or for my skin! So, I push all that aside and keep trucking along. Some days are great, some days are HARD, some days I don't succeed at all but overall, I am striving and that is all I can ask for.

Well it's the time you've all been waiting for! Weigh-In for week 16!

I lost 2.2lbs this week bringing my total up to 38lbs lost EXACTLY! I am thrilled with this however I wish I could just break 40lbs! Once I'm at 40lbs I will be at the halfway point and I honestly NEED that. I wonder where all of the fat went because when I look at my before and after photos...I dunno. It just reaffirms that I still have a ways to go! The goal is to get there by May 2011 but we shall see.

Okay, so picture time! Here is a picture of me BEFORE starting my journey:

Before 

This picture was taken 3 weeks after the start of boot camp. So I had lost over 10lbs by this point:

Sept 10th 2010

Sept 10th 2010

Now here are the pictures I took this morning...YES! In the same exact shirt! I think that is where I can tell the biggest difference. The arms are looser and the stomach area is looser. It looks like a completely different shirt.

December 6th 2010

December 6th 2010

And just for the heck of it, Here is a picture from this past weekend in a tighter shirt and NOT after just having sweat out my hair working out:

It's hard looking at these photos but it is definitely a reality check. If I thought I had come far, I am correct. That shirt is hanging completely off of me (which I should probably fix and get some tighter shirts in order to properly track the loss). It doesn't hug my curves or show off my shape at all! BUT it does help me see that I have to keep on pushing! 42lbs (maybe more) to go and a lot of toning needed!

Thank you for checking in and as always, your comments are MUCH appreciated! I need all the encouragement I can get. =) Hence the reason, I don't mind sharing this on Facebook with my over 600+ "friends". Who else in the WORLD would have the cojones to do that?! Eh, I'm KG bitches. I do me.

xo,
K

Are Those MY Legs?!

Hello readers!

Just got in from boot camp and whew! He said it was a "light" day but try telling that to my thighs and stomach muscles! The pain (NO PAIN NO GAIN!) yesterday was so bad that I had D check my entire body to look for bruises. I felt like my muscles had cracked! Well, it was BRILLIANT and IS brilliant! No matter if it is a "light" day or a "hard" day...the beauty of boot camp is, YOU are your own boss. You can choose to go through the motions or you can choose to push yourself as hard as possible.

I have a new method that has worked wonders for me to continue to break through my walls and push through the pain. I go and go and go, whether it is the ladder, push ups, tap downs, free weights, WHATEVER IT IS, I go until I feel like I'm going to throw up and I try to go FAST. Once I feel like throwing up I opt out, count to five and if I STILL feel like throwing up, I count to twenty outside and then go back in and start all over again with a new gusto. Usually after counting to 5 I am totally fine and can start again quickly. However, about twice during class I go out and count to 20 and then go back in. I'm hoping by the end of of this cycle I'll only be going out once during class. =)

As weird as it sounds, I try to feel like passing out or throwing up during each exercise lol. I figure if I'm not panting, sweating and FEELING something in every fiber of my being, I'm not doing shit. And why the hell would I pay to get a work out if I'm not going to put in the work?!

So, last night while looking at my body for bruises (Ha!) I had my leg up and was turning it...all of a sudden I saw...wait for it....MUSCLE! It was INSANE!!! D then caught me flexing in the mirror all night. I couldn't help it...I was so amazed at how my body is transforming. If my stomach wants to be the last to go, that's fine. The stubborn thing can stay round and protruding but my sides are going down and my legs are slimming and dare I say it? THEY ARE TONING! Crazy talk! If my stomach doesn't get into gear quickly it's gonna be very sad when the rest of my body is getting shown off and it is stuck underneath empire waists and sweaters!

You know, in the winter time it is all about jeans and boots and sweaters so I really hadn't paid too much attention to my legs. Except to note the fact that I can officially fit into EVERY PAIR of boots I try on and have room to spare!

They say the stomach is the last thing to go when losing weight. That's fine with me. I think I can deal with it. I'm working out NOW so that when it finally decides to go, there is a six pack underneath there waiting to shine. I know, I know, it could take a full year for that to show through. I have to lose EVERY OUNCE of fat on my body in order to show a six pack. I'm down for the challenge.

Once I am officially at goal weight then it will only be a matter of toning and tightening up my skin along with losing any additional body fat. That will be a whole other challenge (along with weight maintenance). I'm totally looking forward to it.

I don't understand people who try to lose weight without working out. I'm sorry. I don't. Sooo you wanna be skinny fat? That's so gross. Yes, I'm judging. Whatever! Why do all that hard work of eating correctly etc OH and saying "I am trying to change my lifestyle to be healthy". Well, I'm sorry to inform you but part of your health involves working out. If you can't run a mile, I'm gon' need you to try.

See? This is why I have gone on this mission. I cannot have these thoughts and not live by my own rules I set forth. I don't want to live my life being a hypocrite.

Anyway, I'm off!

Next week will be new pictures so I'm hoping to slim down significantly this week. Maybe 3 pounds? Maybe 4? What you guys don't know is my exact weight. I've never said it before...not sure I will ever but maybe. If I lose 4 pounds I will have crossed a thresh hold in my weight. 1. It will be my first goal weights halfway point 2. I will have lost more than 40lbs. 3. I will be out of the 1?0's. =) and moving into a new set of 10's!

Holla!

Your comments, inspirational words and congrats mean more to me than anything in this world during the Holiday season. My life is in a REALLY great place and it is because of all of YOU. My friends, old and new and those that I have allowed to be a part of my life, Thank you for allowing ME to be part of yours.

Love,
K

Best Friends One Girl Could Have!

Hello readers!

I know I promised you all glitz and gold and pretty little paragraphs tied up in ribbon, my bad for not getting it done.

I am getting sick! WTF? I've already BEEN sick this year, who needs/wants to be sick twice in a year? The thing is, I know it is harder for my body to heal itself when I am running around and stuff but it has to be making me healthier. My body is playing games with me!

Here's the thing, I think I caught this one in time. I THINK I'll be able to nip it in the bud before it gets bad. That's the good news. The bad news? The bad news is that on another note, we did have make up boot camp this week (a free for all Mon-Thurs) and for some odd reason...I couldn't get out of bed to go! It was just TOO early and I was just TOO sleepy and comfortable. I think that as it gets colder it's going to get harder and harder to leave my sweetie. Needless to say, it MUST be done.

A new boot camp cycle starts next week and I have a goal of losing ten more pounds by xmas which would bring my total loss to 45lbs since mid august! I'd be okay with that. The thing is, CAN I do it? I don't know. Especially the way I haven't worked out this week!

It's the TOM and ya'll know what that means. Cranky Kristin. Although I must admit, I've found myself a lot more carefree and nonchalant these days. That's not to say I still don't have attitude, I do but moreover I'm just OVER drama. It's weird because for so long I thrived on it and used it as a stifle in my life.

I guess I'm learning to be happy in my own skin. =) This weekend was very festive! I attended the pre-taping of Mariah Carey on the Rockefeller Christmas Tree lighting taping and that was a BLAST! Me and my girl Tash ended up front row. Which of course, was fabulous. Then our girl Tiff came in town and we headed to the No H8 Campaign photo shoot in Hoboken at the W. That was a BLAST! Was even joined by a boot camper, F! The wonderful lady who I went to see Carrie Underwood with.

It felt great to take the No H8 photos and know that when I receive them back (4-6 weeks) I wouldn't see someone I didn't know. It would be MY FACE! Not some fat girls I don't know. The problem with 4-6 weeks is I'm going to be even smaller by then soooo eh, who cares. Whatevz! I hope I love em =) Such a GREAT cause and I met so many loving and wonderful people. Everyone deserves to be happy. Ya'll know my views on THAT!

I also had a mini reunion with my college girls, pre-thanksgiving annual dinner! It was truly overwhelming, all of their comments on my weightloss. I was filled with so much joy I almost began to cry! That is until one hater stepped out and tried to rain on my parade. Needless to say, I was so proud of myself. I handled myself with class and grace. Haters can no longer get to me. Seriously. I'm beautiful, I know it. I don't give a fuck what anyone else says. The pouch DOES need to go tho! I do feel bad that it was another overweight girl, in my mind we should always stick together and never try to bring someone else down, especially when I could give her a few tips. Eh, what can ya do?

One more thing to note, It's so weird now, when D tells me I'm beautiful, I actually HEAR him and totally BELIEVE him. That feels good. Not just outside but inside. "Our love is stronger than any love, addicted just can't get enough". - MC - Word girl. Word.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving festivities. Remember all we have to be thankful for in this world. Your health, your family, your friends, the roof over your head, the food on your table, your career, the car you're driving, the best friend you haven't called in awhile but you know will be there for you when you need them, the love of God shining down upon all of us. We are here and we MUST LIVE.

xo,
K

ps. Yes I've been on point and eating right! Haven't left course once =) Feels amazingggggggggggggg! Now if I could just wake up in the mornings! Here's to me working out on my own tonight!

What's Black and White and Exhausted All Over? (Plus - Weigh-In!)

You guessed it, ME!

Just a quick FYI, this blog is going to be extremely all over the place and probably have grammar errors throughout it. I am exhausted and not in the mood to type anything other than what is coming from my head!

Sorry for not checking in yesterday, life has been one big heave ho of surprises! I love it this way though...truly, if you have negative people in your life (passive aggressive, always starting something, never happy in their own skin)...negative thoughts, ideals, just any negativity, See it, reach out and grab it and push it away from you. The sooner the better. I've cut off some major negativity and gained a BUNCH of positivity in return. I seriously am in LOVE with life right now! Always remember, you can tell a LOT about a person from how many CLOSE friendships they have. If they have too many or one or none? I'd probably say get out quickly. Life is for living, not living uptight! (That's jay ya'll!)

I am however, extremely exhausted. Last night out of the blue a fellow Boot Camper text me and asked if I wanted to head over to the Carrie Underwood concert with her. It was amazing. That girl sure can SANG! One song I had never heard before (why, i dunno) "Temporary Home", oh man, it touched me in so many ways....anyway, the concert started at 7:30 and didn't get over until 11:05! Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep!

However, imagine if you will being in an arena that serves hot dogs, cheese fries, pepperoni pizzas, soda, popcorn and chicken wings! Did I mention alcohol? I was FAMISHED and had no time to prep dinner so before I left the house I grabbed a banana, that stifled me for another hour. But once at the arena I had to find something healthy....I didn't let the smells get to me, I ended up settling on half of a tomato wrap with turkey lettuce and tomato. NO Mayo or cheese! But I did put a half packet of mustard on it for flavor =) I dunno why but I was extremely proud of myself for this feat! I guess because I proved to myself that I do have will power, but not only that, I was kind of disgusted at all of the people sitting around stuffing their faces with loads of shit that will take days to digest or just become fat. =( That's not to say it didn't smell good though!

Anyway, today's boot camp was HARD. It was indoors on a basketball court (which it will be at Mon-Thurs, Friday is indoors at a boxing studio).

Our trainer said today that we lack camaraderie. I have to disagree. We have gotten to the point where all of us know each other so well that I think we know each others moods and limits. We are always going to have off days and yes, maybe we could pump each other up more but I know I wasn't the only one who got a text or two after boot camp with a GOOD JOB from other girls in order to lift everyone's spirits.

Today was back to back weights, leg exercises, squats, suicides after suicides. I was so exhausted from it all. I can't say I don't feel GREAT because I do! Except, I am TIRED!

Being I didn't blog yesterday I'll now do my weigh-in. So yeah, the goal was 3lbs lost to make up for last week. Sadly, I didn't hit that goal. I instead hit a 1.8 loss. Am I super bummed? HELL NO. This brings my total weight loss 13 weeks in to 30.8! I am in disbelief! I know that next week is gonna be a big number. I feel it in my bones and my body, mainly because, I had an off week and it takes your body time to adjust and get back into the groove of things. I am REALLY back in the groove now.

I feel like such a new person. It is cool to just eat right etc. but when you incorporate exercise your body begins to SHAPE itself and get tighter. It is truly amazing to watch it as it happens.

I went shopping this weekend for just a FEW items. Like I have said before, I refuse to buy an entire new wardrobe that I will only be wearing for 1-2months. Upon entering the GAP, I took two sizes down. A 14 (I was a 16) and a 12. I tried on the 12 first, when it FIT and fit WELL I almost fell out in the dressing room. I NEVER come out of dressing rooms, oh you best BELIEVE I came out and showed D! He was so proud. I looked GOOD in them jeans too lol. I know it was probably crazy to spend 70 on jeans I'll only be wearing a few months but I find them to be a great investment for my self esteem.

I also had to buy a new bra. At this point, all of my former bras are now falling off of me, no...literally FALLING off. I have gone from a VERY VERY TIGHT (I'm talking last notch tight) 40C to a 38C and even fit a few 36's...but I think those were made big. I ended up getting a few 38C's and I'm pleased with the purchase! I also was able to buy a size TEN (Yes, a 10!!!) dress. It is VERY VERY tight and VERY VERY short but whatever. I'm gon' rock it and I don't care what anyone has to say! Only positivity!


I hope you all enjoyed today's blog! I am in a good place and I wish you all nothing but blessings. Your words of encouragement and comments have allowed me to get this far. You make me accountable even when I don't want to be.

When I made the decision to start a blog AND post it on my Facebook page where EVERYONE could read it...I knew it would cause a lot of people to read and a lot of people to laugh at my past failures (the ones not comfortable in their own skin) and a lot of people who really could relate. But I did it for the GOOD people AND mainly to motivate myself. I don't fail. I succeed. I don't care how long it takes me...I will reach my goal weight, goal size and damn it, I WILL get an ass. =)

Until next time,
K