Look, let me cut straight to the chase. I've been MIA for the past few weeks, doesn't mean I haven't been working out or eating right, just means life threw me a few curve balls. I've come out a stronger more knowledgeable person and so for that, I am thankful.
Moving on, today's blog is going to be a long one and I hope you have missed me as much as I've missed logging this journey. =)
Today was my first day back at BC in WEEKS. We are ALMOST to the finish line of the 8 week challenge. As you all know we had our mid-way weigh-in and physical assessment testing about 2 in a half weeks ago (meaning there is only a week in a half left of this challenge!). At the mid-way point I came in second. Let me break it down for you.
1st place had a score of 34.8
Me? I had 34.2
The 3rd place person? 24.1
As you can see I am only losing by .6 and I know what I need to improve on and that is the fitness testing. I am great with flexibility, great with my form, but I get stuck in my mind as if I'm still a fat person. Meaning, I think like a fat person. Ever watch the shows "I Used to be Fat" or "Heavy"? Those people are always scared to do certain exercises because they don't think it's something a fat person can do with all of that extra weight on them. In my mind, I still think I have the extra weight on me sometimes and that is what happened during the mid-point weigh-ins. I know I didn't push myself as hard as I needed to.
My measurements on the other hand and weight-loss were great. I hope to improve on those again and yet I really want to bring up those fitness scores too! I did a plank for a minute and 15. The goal is to bring that up to 2 minutes. I HIGHLY doubt I can do...no wait...I HAVE GOT TO TRY. It's going to be hell. It's my core and I just don't know if I have it in me but if I don't believe in myself, I won't do it so ...for the next week in a half I'm going to push push and push some more until I get it. Push-ups I KNOW I can improve on. My sit ups? Eh, I set the bar high there so I dunno...I started out at the beginning of the challenge doing 30 full sit ups in a minute (you cant stop -once you stop your count stops) and I upped it to 36 at the mid-way point. The thing is, MAYBE I can get to 40? But I honestly don't know. Now if someone cheated in the beginning and did say 15 sit ups and then at midway was able to do 30...I mean..that's obviously a cheater. I'm just sayin'....see the dilemma?
Anyway, today was GREAT! Coming back I saw so many new faces and W even let us play some basketball to end the day. I must admit, it wasn't like normal days playing basketball. I obviously wasn't pushing myself as hard working out alone and I was EXHAUSTED. Being sick couldn't have helped me much but yeah...
One thing I must note is that while I've had a lot of respiratory problems with this sickness, working out cleared out my lungs and mannnnnnn I feel GREAT! Maybe I should work out more when I'm sick? I'm guessing that's not a good thing but who knows. =)
The bottom line of this whole thing is, I WANT TO WIN! If I don't, I'll be pissed. AT MYSELF. I'll wonder how I let it slip from me. All I can think about is how I can't wait to win 1st place and tell all of you and post the pictures of my prizes. Something you can see in pictures of what I have earned during all of my hard work. Which brings me to another topic today...
WHAT I GET IN RETURN
I'm not sure HOW I felt when I was fat. Okay okay, obese. I am not sure what I was thinking. Sometimes I get SO ANGRY at myself and wonder wtf I was doing. When I was home in Illinois (That's where I was for the past couple weeks) I was staying with my BFF Tai's mom. The first thing she said to me was that I was the skinniest and healthiest she's EVER seen me. Now this woman has known me since I was 13! She said she told Tai the same thing and that he said "No she was that way when we were younger"...thing is, I think he's wrong. He has never seen me as obese, although he did think it was getting out of hand there for a minute when I started not being able to walk like a "skinny" person because my thighs were rubbing together uncontrollably. lol okay see that's not even funny....ugh I guess I have to laugh to keep from crying.
Anyway, my ENTIRE FAMILY was SO motivating and gave me the most amazing compliments. Everywhere I went people noticed and I definitely FELT good. Hell, it seemed like I was the skinniest person everywhere I went, I mean, honestly the mid west is NOT full of fit people. Even the gym I went to, I didn't see one girl skinnier than me. Yes, I looked...can't help it. It made me SO SAD because if I'm STILL not at a healthy BMI (Which I don't put TOO much stock in) then how can these people be healthy? I want to live a FULL PRODUCTIVE life. That's what life is about, NO REGRETS...LIVING.
Anyway, while home, I got something great as a gift. BOTH of my younger brothers asked me to go to the grocery store with them.
The youngest, 20 year old, had me take him alone. We went in and I pointed out things that I eat and that would be easy and fast for him to make for his lifestyle and explained calorie counting to him. He has been doing it for a week now and I'm happy to say that he is sticking with it! He also got a gym membership and I seriously could just sit here and cry. I love him SO SO much and him making this choice is just so inspirational to me and let's me know that I've gotten something SO MUCH BIGGER then my own health back...I got my family back.
The second youngest, 22 year old, asked me to take him mainly because I think he needed a ride lol. However, while there I was able to recommend a few choice things for him and he also gave me a few GREAT recommendations. It was a bonding moment I'm not sure I could have had with him 6 months ago.
It's hard to bond with these two grown men who were a mere 8 and 10 when I left home for college never to return. I feel like these bonding experiences have made us closer and I am SO SO THANKFUL.
You may think it's silly or crazy or doesn't mesh with what I'm going through in this journey but it DOES to ME. I've had SO much regret over the last 11 years of leaving home and not getting to see them grow up and help nurture them that these two trips to the grocery store felt like something I could put in my little memory book as a moment that should have been years ago and now is finally here.
Blessed, I am.
So, not only have I gained my self-esteem back and my family back...but I've also gained my niece not being embarassed to have me drop her off at school or pick her up (AT THE DOOR NO LESS)!! Given, she was never embarassed before but I hadn't seen her in 2 freaking years, she was in grade school then. She is now in 8th grade Jr. High, almost in High School and from what the family tells me, she does NOT let anyone drop her off at the door. Well, I got to and I love that little girl like no other.
I was also able to run up and down the hallways of our hotel (we stayed in for two nights) with my nephew and not get winded! I flipped him, turned him, did sprints and we stayedddd active. It was amazing. I can't even put into words how much these small things affected me...but they did. Know that they did and they will change your life too if you just put in the work...which brings me to my last soliloquy before the weigh-in update with pictures.
WORKING OUT & EATING RIGHT
Changing your body can't just be about one or the other. So many times I hear people or see people on Facebook saying they lost weight or they want to lose weight and I cringe. Same way people have probably cringed at me in the past.
Fine, lose weight, but do it the RIGHT way and make sure YOU ARE READY. If you're not ready, you're only going to fail and eliminate any sources of motivation you have. People don't want to see you fail, (well some do but who needs those type of haters?) they want to see you succeed. So IF you fail, the next time you are ready to start, expect your fan base of supporters to be a bit smaller.
You can limit your calorie intake to 1200 calories all you want, but is that going to be sustainable for you? Especially if you're starting out at over 200+? Take it slow, you don't need weight watchers or nutrisystem or a program. You can learn to do something all on your own if you want. You don't need money to get healthy is all I'm saying. I hear EVERY excuse in the book! "Healthy food is too expensive" "Gym memberships are ridiculously priced!" Buy a few weights and check out on demand exercise videos or youtube exercise videos!
YOU CAN DO THIS!
The thing about JUST eating right is this, you will shed the pounds but the inches will come off MUCH MUCH slower and you won't notice a difference as much as you would if you worked out.
I have shed 20lbs in 3 weeks before and didn't notice even 10% of the difference I noticed when I shed 20lbs WHILE working out. My body is TIGHT. My legs are MUSCULAR, so muscular in fact that I now ENJOY watching myself in the mirror. I still can't stand to see my ass in the mirror (It is not NEARLY as perky as it needs to be...YET) but I love watching my legs. My love handles are there but damn are they TIGHT and compact. I am STRONG.
My inches have shed faster and faster the more working out I do. I still have over 20 pounds to lose but my body is going places ya'll. It's going places I never even DREAMED it could.
Okay wait, I lied. When I was obese I used to always think in my head that "Someday I'll look like that" or "Someday I could be in Miss Teen USA, once I lose 20lbs" then 20lbs turned into 30, then 40, then 50...until it just got so out of hand. The craziest thing is, I think my BFF's mom might have been right...I probably AM the smallest she's ever seen me because of what these WORKOUTS have done for and to my body. It's finally SHAPED it. KG has a SHAPE! It's crazy. I know.
My face has always been cute but when you had 80lbs of fat to it, your face disappears and you become a blob. Or, well, I did.
Anyway, I'll finally move on to weigh-in and pictures!
It is now Week 27 (as of Monday) and on Monday I weighed in having lost 3.8 lbs over the last 2 weeks of being in "crazy off my rocker personal crash" mode. Meaning, my life was up in the air but I was still able to not only maintain my weight loss but still lose.
Which means, in 27 weeks I have lost a total of 55.8 pounds. The goal is to lose 83.8 lbs so I still have 28lbs to go!
People keep telling me, WHERE?! You're going to lose yourself! To that I say, Eff you! I may only need to go down 23lbs more but I won't know until I get A LOT closer to it. Once I'm down another 20 I will re-evaluate those last 3-8lbs and see where I stand with my body and what I WANT out of my body. Not what anyone else wants. In the pictures you will see below you will CLEARLY see where I need to lose the rest of my fat. We can't "spot-train" so I just have to keep pushing until it's gone!
The greatest thing about our bodies are that they are OURS and we should be able to and CAN do ANYTHING WE WANT TO DO to them, and I DO, YOU SHOULD TOO!
Did I mention I have an awesome boyfriend who loved me as a fat ass, a teenage girl in angst and a crazy person? Oh yeah, and he still loves me now, while I'm at my best. =) He is definitely one of my biggest cheerleaders. So if you have a man or a partner who isn't cheering you on, best to cut him out. You need to be accountable for you, and if he doesn't love you enough to be supportive, find it in your heart to get healthy for YOU and find someone who loves ALL of you. But I'm no therapist...just my two cents.
Okay so here's the disclaimer as usual!
When I first began I didn't take pictures so the first picture you will see is a candid taken of me. The next will be one month after starting my journey, and then you will see the most current updated picture taken today.
EVERY TIME I get new shirts, I out grow them so please excuse how baggy the shirt is at the bottom, maybe I should start taking the photos in wife beaters? Any suggestions on this are appreciated!
|Before weight loss on vacation 2010 June|
The picture to the left is me in September 2010. One month after starting my journey. The picture of me to the right is the me of today, February 23rd 2011. Same with the pictures below of the side view.
Looking at these pictures shows me how far I have come. Is it embarrassing? A little bit but my pride won't let me be too embarrassed to post. There are others going through this same disease I had. Lack of motivation. If anything, this motivates me to continue my path towards a healthy lifestyle for LIFE.
There is no fix quick. It takes patience, learning, A LOT of reading different studies, finding what works for YOU and NO EXCUSES.
Am I a 10? Hell no. I have a ways to go and these pictures just prove that to me but I am in a MUCH better place then I was back in September.
I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, comments, suggestions, advice and all that good stuff below!
Thank you for hanging in there with me while I'm working to cultivate this beach body and get my healthy back!