...Yeah, I always find somethin' wrong. You been puttin' up with my shit just way too long. I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most...So I think it's time for us to have a toast...Let's have a toast for the douchebags..." - Kanye West - Live @ MTV VMA's - Runaway
Oh yeah. I went there, I used a Kanye lyric. And what? You still don't forgive him? Bite me. That's a whole other topic...
Alas, I chose the lyrics above because what could be more true? Ya'll know I am all about finding "my truth". I seem to find a new one everyday and most of the time it always relates to one common denominator. I am my own worst critic (and everyone else's too).
Today was a cardio day and it was crazy. People taking pictures of us working out (okay just one perv) and running past commuters trying to get off of the train. That part gets to me. I'm wondering if they are judging me, all the while, I'm judging them. I literally looked at every person that passed us today and stared. Seems like for every 1 "toned" person there were 5 obese, overweight or just totally "skinny-fat" (I hate skinny fat btw) people. I literally wanted to run over to W and ask for his business card so I could pass the out as I ran. The commuters smiled, I would smile back. They would huff at us running past so I'd huff back. You get what you give.
Anyway, the point I'm TRYING oh so hard to make is, I wanted so badly to NOT be them. I wanted SO badly to go hide back then. I wanted to "runaway" as Kanye would put it. I used to stand, always stand because that way you don't make anyone mad sitting next to them when you're fat, on the train and hide in the back. Invisible. I am totally a people-watcher and I like to believe I'm a pretty great judge of character. If I know you (see: like you), I'm loud and happy and opinionated. If I don't...like I said, you get what you give.
I'm glad I'm out of my "hiding" phase. I now sit happily on the train and play games on my phone while not staring and not judging. Yet, I can't seem to stop when I'm exercising. They stare, so I can't help but stare back!
I would like to get to a point where I don't care what others think, I would really really like that. I'm working on it. Slowly. I feel like, it's as much of a progression as the weight-loss.
On another note, I feel good right now. I have really really bad knees, maybe I'll touch on that tomorrow. I don't know, my brain rambles so much sometimes. I truly think it is one of the reasons I am so gifted at my craft, too much creativity in my head.
I believe that is why I enjoy running so much (although today hurt). When I am running, my mind is empty. I enjoy running on the track more than in the street. Less people to stare at and I can really feel...peace. It is a feeling that I don't get too often living in the city.
I miss that about the mid-west. Quiet. Hills. Open roads. TREES!!! I wouldn't go back at this point in my life,but those are a few things that I really do miss. Including my mother! I swear without her support I don't think I would have ever done this. Finding a great support system is essential. She believes in me when no one in the world does. That's what mothers are for. =)
Although, last night while watching the Biggest Loser, I was SO infuriated with one mother! First, she gave her daughter gastric bypass at 14!! 14!! Now her daughter has major issues! She was the first voted off and upon going home, she called her mother and asked her to please not have ANY chocolate in the house. First thing she sees when she walks in the door? Chocolate. What kind of mother is that? My heart BROKE for her. I just burst into tears. I wanted to take that girl and tell her she could do it. I was so happy to see that so far she's lost 60 pounds on her own. I hope she knows she is an inspiration.
Someone said last night on the show "I feel like every excess pound I've gained is hiding a piece of who I really am". I concur.
Until next time....
Rambling Rambling...Kristin.
ps. Upon talking to a friend this morning I wanted to note something. Being overweight isn't the only thing that is bad for you. Neither is smoking or judging or any of the number of things I talk about here. A few things you should take note of are vanity. Vanity can do a number on your psyche. Acrylic nails? Should be outlawed. The fuck up your nails, God didn't give you nails to go and put something else on top of them. Perming/Relaxing your hair? Why would you put chemicals on something God gave you? Tanning, So not good for you...hello cancer. There are a multitude of things when it comes to vanity that you should take note of. I'm not saying change it, I'm saying acknowledge it and at least try. I have GOT to give up smoking. The first step is acknowledgement right?
xo
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
A Goal Properly Set is Halfway Reached
Hello all of my lovely readers. I feel so blessed to have my life to share with you all and even more blessed that so many of you care enough about me, to continue to read my ramblings everyday =)
Today's topic is about, you guessed it, setting goals.
After watching Thintervention last night, I was so disgusted with one (count: almost all) of the participants. It was amazing in the end though. One of the ladies experienced something that I experience every day that I push myself extremely hard. "the zone". It is the feeling I get when running, this amazing clearness of mind body and soul and it feels great. There is no question of stopping it's just GO. Jackie kept telling them to access their "inner warrior" but what does that even MEAN?!
W is constantly telling us to push through the pain, which is essentially the same thing. There are a million different ways to say this, and of course you can understand the concept, but can you put it into action?
It is SO much easier to give up. I used to tell D that he could never understand what it feels like to be fat because he's always been tall, skinny and athletic and he had no idea what it felt like to come from a family of obesity. I actually thought he was kind of a loser in that aspect. How strong could he be if he didn't go through what I went through? I threw MYSELF a pity party. I may hate pity from others but man, I love to sympathize with myself.
I know differently now. Yes it is hard to be overweight, obese and come from a long family line of obesity. That doesn't mean you have to follow the cycle. It's the same as any other situation you may come from. Just because you were brought up on welfare doesn't mean you have to succumb and continue to stay on it all your life. In fact, face it...you're weak if you do.
Setting SMALL goals is a way to get immediate gratification. My first small goal was to reach ten pounds lost. I did that in two weeks. The problem then came when I didn't reach my 25lbs lost fast enough. I thought for sure because I have dropped 30lbs in 6 weeks before that now that I was adding working out I would drop it in no time flat. Not true. The truth is I am eating better now, not starving myself and of course I'm gaining muscle. It's going to be a longer progression but my short term goals are helping me in this journey.
The next goal is to drop 25lbs. I am 7lbs away. I KNOW I can do this by the end of this boot camp cycle. I just have to continue to step up to the plate. Sure, I could give in when I'm at boot camp, when W says to run two laps around the track, I could say eh, no thanks. He wouldn't yell at me or even judge me (at least to my face)...but is that truly going to help me accomplish my goal? Who am I cheating? I'm not cheating him, I'm cheating myself.
So the next time you are contemplating whether or not you want to get up and go for that extra jog or an extra ten push-ups, ask yourself if it will help you reach your goal. The answer will always be yes. No one can carry you on their back. The more weight I'm losing, the easier it is for me to run. I can hold more of myself up now. Not just because I'm gaining muscle, but because I'm losing some of that weight that I found so hard to carry.
It was a rainy day in boot camp today but I gotta give it up for myself. I went, fought hard for my life and pushed. It feels great.
My only hope is that everyone out there gets up, gets out and does something. Whether it be in your career, relationship or health wise. Setting a small goal will help you achieve your dreams. Trust. This small town girl from the Midwest who came from nada did it once and I can do even more this time. =)
xo,
K
Today's topic is about, you guessed it, setting goals.
After watching Thintervention last night, I was so disgusted with one (count: almost all) of the participants. It was amazing in the end though. One of the ladies experienced something that I experience every day that I push myself extremely hard. "the zone". It is the feeling I get when running, this amazing clearness of mind body and soul and it feels great. There is no question of stopping it's just GO. Jackie kept telling them to access their "inner warrior" but what does that even MEAN?!
W is constantly telling us to push through the pain, which is essentially the same thing. There are a million different ways to say this, and of course you can understand the concept, but can you put it into action?
It is SO much easier to give up. I used to tell D that he could never understand what it feels like to be fat because he's always been tall, skinny and athletic and he had no idea what it felt like to come from a family of obesity. I actually thought he was kind of a loser in that aspect. How strong could he be if he didn't go through what I went through? I threw MYSELF a pity party. I may hate pity from others but man, I love to sympathize with myself.
I know differently now. Yes it is hard to be overweight, obese and come from a long family line of obesity. That doesn't mean you have to follow the cycle. It's the same as any other situation you may come from. Just because you were brought up on welfare doesn't mean you have to succumb and continue to stay on it all your life. In fact, face it...you're weak if you do.
Setting SMALL goals is a way to get immediate gratification. My first small goal was to reach ten pounds lost. I did that in two weeks. The problem then came when I didn't reach my 25lbs lost fast enough. I thought for sure because I have dropped 30lbs in 6 weeks before that now that I was adding working out I would drop it in no time flat. Not true. The truth is I am eating better now, not starving myself and of course I'm gaining muscle. It's going to be a longer progression but my short term goals are helping me in this journey.
The next goal is to drop 25lbs. I am 7lbs away. I KNOW I can do this by the end of this boot camp cycle. I just have to continue to step up to the plate. Sure, I could give in when I'm at boot camp, when W says to run two laps around the track, I could say eh, no thanks. He wouldn't yell at me or even judge me (at least to my face)...but is that truly going to help me accomplish my goal? Who am I cheating? I'm not cheating him, I'm cheating myself.
So the next time you are contemplating whether or not you want to get up and go for that extra jog or an extra ten push-ups, ask yourself if it will help you reach your goal. The answer will always be yes. No one can carry you on their back. The more weight I'm losing, the easier it is for me to run. I can hold more of myself up now. Not just because I'm gaining muscle, but because I'm losing some of that weight that I found so hard to carry.
It was a rainy day in boot camp today but I gotta give it up for myself. I went, fought hard for my life and pushed. It feels great.
My only hope is that everyone out there gets up, gets out and does something. Whether it be in your career, relationship or health wise. Setting a small goal will help you achieve your dreams. Trust. This small town girl from the Midwest who came from nada did it once and I can do even more this time. =)
xo,
K
Monday, September 27, 2010
Too Late, My Time Has Come...
"send shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time. Goodbye everybody, I've got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth". - Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
My truth? I'm obese. In the past 6 weeks I have decreased my BMI by 3.2, I have lost weight (you'll see the weigh-in figures below) and I have also lost more than a few inches around different areas of my body. However, I am still obese. In fact, if you're looking at my pictures and saying "I'm bigger than her" or "I'm about that size" then you too are probably obese...only you're in denial.
Nothing bothers me more than when a person thinks they are just the same as everyone else "The average woman is not a stick"...no but the average healthy woman isn't obese either. Being overweight is one thing, still not good but I'd rather be there than obese. People look at me and they say "You're not even that big"! That is NOT my truth. Don't feed me bullshit.
After boot camp today, while walking with L and our trainer, W, they both told me that I am shrinking and they notice it. I'm glad someone does! The great thing about this, whether I believe it or not, is that I do TRUST them. I know W would never lie or say something that isn't true. He has nothing to gain. I've never heard him utter a word of "you're looking better everyday" to someone that isn't. So if he says it, I may not believe it myself, but I trust it.
The reason I chose the lyrics above are simple. For the past 6 weeks I have been living my truth and leaving behind all the people who bullshit me, feed me fries and milkshakes knowing I don't need them (nor do they). The people who wanna "grab a quick bite at McDonalds" while KNOWING I'm on a whole different path. The people who say "You look fine girl, one freaking burger ain't gon' hurt nothin'!". Those people are not MY people. They are not FOR me. Hell, they aren't even for themselves.
If you have people like this in your life and you are on your way to a new lifestyle...have a talk with them. If they seem to not be supportive, drop em. Quickly. I almost find it as pity. Pity is something I have never tolerated. I am too strong of a woman to need anyone's pity. Feed that shit to someone else. I'm full.
Moving on...
Today's boot camp was great! The rain was pouring down (ya'll know I love me somepurple rain).
The new shoes? Oh man, perfection. I highly recommend Asics 2150 for those of you out there who may have bad knees, get shin splints easily, overpronate (I know - I had to look it up too), or just need more support in a running shoe. Did I mention they are way cute? Took me awhile to find a pair that was both supportive AND cute. They are a bit on the shiny side but I can deal. They will probably be black and blue from the track by the time I'm done with them anyway. Eh - What can ya do.
I'm gonna backtrack a bit, all the way back to High School. At good old RIHS I was...a drama/newspaper staff/choir person. Not in the sense that I got slushies thrown on me like the people in Glee...although I love Glee...I mean I would have hit anyone that did that...but I loved it all. My dad, all 5 of my brothers, my sister, my entire moms family and my entire dad's family all played SPORTS. No one was into anything I was into. I was almost like the black sheep of the family. Hell, I think I still am being I am all the way on this side of the world and every last one of them lives in the Midwest....but I digress...
Back at RIHS, in gym class the gym teacher would constantly ask me to join the track team. She said I was amazingly fast and I'd be great. Ha! I said no thank you and went straight to yearbook staff meetings. =) My mother said that I always beat every kid on the block when racing. I don't remember any of this, except the time I fell and scraped my damn knee while racing some little punk. He totally tripped me...anyway! (How the heck do I get so off subject?! My brain is insane!)
Anyway, long story short, I BELIEVE I could be good at running. Today we did short intervals. W said I did great. I actually came in 2nd in one and 1st in the other. I'm not sure if it's the shoes, me knowing I'm good or if it's just because I like the burn afterward, but I think I can dig running. The problem lies in my breathing.
My lungs are fucked. I've GOT to quit smoking. I'm just going to have to get to the point where I am tired of coming in last at long distance running and tired of feeling like I'm about to die after short runs. Once I get to that point I guess I'll be broken and I'll have to quit.
Overall - Today was a great day at boot camp. Although, I think my legs will be killing me for awhile. We did these leg lifts today that were honestly NO JOKE.
I came home real quick, and I took out my Light Chocolate Muscle Milk to drink. I had put it in the freezer for 20 minutes because I like my drinks extremely cold. Unfortunately, muscle milk is nasty.
I almost spit it up. I forced myself to drink half of it and then I grabbed a bowl of special K cereal with skim (yep! This week I start drinking skim!) milk.
D is going to have to drink the rest of that muscle milk. I was absolutely SO excited to come home and try it! I'm so bummed that it is that freaking nasty. I may try making skim chocolate milk. We'll see. No matter what, I am going to continue to drink milk after my workouts. I notice my body feels so much better when I do.
Weigh-In Time!
We are officially 6 weeks in and to date I have lost 18.2lbs! My mini-goal is to lose 25 by the end of this cycle so I have to step it up.
I think my body is hitting a plateau. Which means, in order for me to get over it I need to get back to the nitty gritty. 4-6 small meals a day. Watching what I eat more seriously. Don't get me wrong, I watch it, but I know I can do better. And most importantly, not missing ONE day of boot camp the rest of this cycle.
Get ready ya'll, cause I'm about to go IN! Or at east try =)
xo,
K
LOVING your comments and your tips! My goodness you guys are a bunch of helpful people! Did I mention every word of you thanking me for my inspiration inspires me SO SO much more than you will ever know. I actually use your words to push myself harder when I feel like I can't go anymore. Thank YOU.
Happy Monday!
My truth? I'm obese. In the past 6 weeks I have decreased my BMI by 3.2, I have lost weight (you'll see the weigh-in figures below) and I have also lost more than a few inches around different areas of my body. However, I am still obese. In fact, if you're looking at my pictures and saying "I'm bigger than her" or "I'm about that size" then you too are probably obese...only you're in denial.
Nothing bothers me more than when a person thinks they are just the same as everyone else "The average woman is not a stick"...no but the average healthy woman isn't obese either. Being overweight is one thing, still not good but I'd rather be there than obese. People look at me and they say "You're not even that big"! That is NOT my truth. Don't feed me bullshit.
After boot camp today, while walking with L and our trainer, W, they both told me that I am shrinking and they notice it. I'm glad someone does! The great thing about this, whether I believe it or not, is that I do TRUST them. I know W would never lie or say something that isn't true. He has nothing to gain. I've never heard him utter a word of "you're looking better everyday" to someone that isn't. So if he says it, I may not believe it myself, but I trust it.
The reason I chose the lyrics above are simple. For the past 6 weeks I have been living my truth and leaving behind all the people who bullshit me, feed me fries and milkshakes knowing I don't need them (nor do they). The people who wanna "grab a quick bite at McDonalds" while KNOWING I'm on a whole different path. The people who say "You look fine girl, one freaking burger ain't gon' hurt nothin'!". Those people are not MY people. They are not FOR me. Hell, they aren't even for themselves.
If you have people like this in your life and you are on your way to a new lifestyle...have a talk with them. If they seem to not be supportive, drop em. Quickly. I almost find it as pity. Pity is something I have never tolerated. I am too strong of a woman to need anyone's pity. Feed that shit to someone else. I'm full.
Moving on...
Today's boot camp was great! The rain was pouring down (ya'll know I love me some
The new shoes? Oh man, perfection. I highly recommend Asics 2150 for those of you out there who may have bad knees, get shin splints easily, overpronate (I know - I had to look it up too), or just need more support in a running shoe. Did I mention they are way cute? Took me awhile to find a pair that was both supportive AND cute. They are a bit on the shiny side but I can deal. They will probably be black and blue from the track by the time I'm done with them anyway. Eh - What can ya do.
I'm gonna backtrack a bit, all the way back to High School. At good old RIHS I was...a drama/newspaper staff/choir person. Not in the sense that I got slushies thrown on me like the people in Glee...although I love Glee...I mean I would have hit anyone that did that...but I loved it all. My dad, all 5 of my brothers, my sister, my entire moms family and my entire dad's family all played SPORTS. No one was into anything I was into. I was almost like the black sheep of the family. Hell, I think I still am being I am all the way on this side of the world and every last one of them lives in the Midwest....but I digress...
Back at RIHS, in gym class the gym teacher would constantly ask me to join the track team. She said I was amazingly fast and I'd be great. Ha! I said no thank you and went straight to yearbook staff meetings. =) My mother said that I always beat every kid on the block when racing. I don't remember any of this, except the time I fell and scraped my damn knee while racing some little punk. He totally tripped me...anyway! (How the heck do I get so off subject?! My brain is insane!)
Anyway, long story short, I BELIEVE I could be good at running. Today we did short intervals. W said I did great. I actually came in 2nd in one and 1st in the other. I'm not sure if it's the shoes, me knowing I'm good or if it's just because I like the burn afterward, but I think I can dig running. The problem lies in my breathing.
My lungs are fucked. I've GOT to quit smoking. I'm just going to have to get to the point where I am tired of coming in last at long distance running and tired of feeling like I'm about to die after short runs. Once I get to that point I guess I'll be broken and I'll have to quit.
Overall - Today was a great day at boot camp. Although, I think my legs will be killing me for awhile. We did these leg lifts today that were honestly NO JOKE.
I came home real quick, and I took out my Light Chocolate Muscle Milk to drink. I had put it in the freezer for 20 minutes because I like my drinks extremely cold. Unfortunately, muscle milk is nasty.
I almost spit it up. I forced myself to drink half of it and then I grabbed a bowl of special K cereal with skim (yep! This week I start drinking skim!) milk.
D is going to have to drink the rest of that muscle milk. I was absolutely SO excited to come home and try it! I'm so bummed that it is that freaking nasty. I may try making skim chocolate milk. We'll see. No matter what, I am going to continue to drink milk after my workouts. I notice my body feels so much better when I do.
Weigh-In Time!
We are officially 6 weeks in and to date I have lost 18.2lbs! My mini-goal is to lose 25 by the end of this cycle so I have to step it up.
I think my body is hitting a plateau. Which means, in order for me to get over it I need to get back to the nitty gritty. 4-6 small meals a day. Watching what I eat more seriously. Don't get me wrong, I watch it, but I know I can do better. And most importantly, not missing ONE day of boot camp the rest of this cycle.
Get ready ya'll, cause I'm about to go IN! Or at east try =)
xo,
K
LOVING your comments and your tips! My goodness you guys are a bunch of helpful people! Did I mention every word of you thanking me for my inspiration inspires me SO SO much more than you will ever know. I actually use your words to push myself harder when I feel like I can't go anymore. Thank YOU.
Happy Monday!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Imperfect, That's All That I'll Ever Be...
Such strong words. I judge, I'm working on not doing that so much. But the person I judge the most is myself. I can be so hard on ME sometimes I just want to smack myself!
Boot camp today was ROUGH. A lot of cardio. I mean back to back to back exercises in these quick spurts and a lot of running. As time was winding down all of a sudden W said we were going to do two laps around the track. This wouldn't have been a big deal at the BEGINNING of class, but it was the end and I was truly pushing myself today, so I was wiped. He THEN said that we had 6 minutes to complete this.
Okay, seems like a lot of time right? Well...I was watching the Biggest Loser the other day and I just knew I couldn't do it. I mean in my heart of hearts I know that I am a smoker and I don't want to quit. Well, I want to, but I don't feel I'm ready to completely give it up. However, that is changing a LOT and mostly because of boot camp. My endurance isn't what it used to be (before smoking). I know that if I gave up smoking, within one month I would be running laps around without stopping to walk.
Needless to say...I almost broke down and cried when he said that. I told him too. I completely let him know that I felt he was setting me up for failure. Sometimes his face screws up and you can see the tension and that he probably wants to slap me lol but he just said go and do it. So I did.
I came in last (big shocker) but I did it. I actually ran the last lap faster than the first because of the girls cheering me on. It felt extremely good. It's that rare feeling I get when I push through the burn. Today I definitely rated myself a 5 out of 5 for effort. I can't explain the feeling that I got (besides being out of breath) but it was a good one.
Anytime someone partners with me, I always apologize to them. I somehow figure in that moment they wish they were with someone else. I don't know why, I'm a pretty funny/cool/amazing individual but in that moment I just think about how weak I am.
W put us in pairs to do an obstacle course. For the first time EVER my team came in first. Not by much, and really it isn't a competition but I'm going to be happy for that one moment and then never again will I make it a competition in my head. I pushed and pushed and did it. Exhausted isn't even the word.
Oddly enough though, I am full of energy (okay maybe not oddly enough, that's what exercise does, right?). I am ready to take on the world. I honestly don't think a pack of wild wolves could outrun me today.
Wrapping it up...I really do need to quit smoking, probably sooner than I originally thought. I know it is going to continue to bother me as I get further and further along in this process and hopefully that will be the driving force of my motivation to quit.
xo,
K
Boot camp today was ROUGH. A lot of cardio. I mean back to back to back exercises in these quick spurts and a lot of running. As time was winding down all of a sudden W said we were going to do two laps around the track. This wouldn't have been a big deal at the BEGINNING of class, but it was the end and I was truly pushing myself today, so I was wiped. He THEN said that we had 6 minutes to complete this.
Okay, seems like a lot of time right? Well...I was watching the Biggest Loser the other day and I just knew I couldn't do it. I mean in my heart of hearts I know that I am a smoker and I don't want to quit. Well, I want to, but I don't feel I'm ready to completely give it up. However, that is changing a LOT and mostly because of boot camp. My endurance isn't what it used to be (before smoking). I know that if I gave up smoking, within one month I would be running laps around without stopping to walk.
Needless to say...I almost broke down and cried when he said that. I told him too. I completely let him know that I felt he was setting me up for failure. Sometimes his face screws up and you can see the tension and that he probably wants to slap me lol but he just said go and do it. So I did.
I came in last (big shocker) but I did it. I actually ran the last lap faster than the first because of the girls cheering me on. It felt extremely good. It's that rare feeling I get when I push through the burn. Today I definitely rated myself a 5 out of 5 for effort. I can't explain the feeling that I got (besides being out of breath) but it was a good one.
Anytime someone partners with me, I always apologize to them. I somehow figure in that moment they wish they were with someone else. I don't know why, I'm a pretty funny/cool/amazing individual but in that moment I just think about how weak I am.
W put us in pairs to do an obstacle course. For the first time EVER my team came in first. Not by much, and really it isn't a competition but I'm going to be happy for that one moment and then never again will I make it a competition in my head. I pushed and pushed and did it. Exhausted isn't even the word.
Oddly enough though, I am full of energy (okay maybe not oddly enough, that's what exercise does, right?). I am ready to take on the world. I honestly don't think a pack of wild wolves could outrun me today.
Wrapping it up...I really do need to quit smoking, probably sooner than I originally thought. I know it is going to continue to bother me as I get further and further along in this process and hopefully that will be the driving force of my motivation to quit.
xo,
K
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I'm Not Afraid...but it hurts!
Hello lovely readers! I want to make this a quick one but I'm not sure that is possible. Here's me trying...
"I don't give a damn what you think, I'm doing this for me" gotta love it. Eminem - Not Afraid That video was taped at the concert I was at, a little wobbly but overall pretty decent sound considering...
Such a great song! The truth is, we as a people DO care what others think about us. When it comes to our health and getting fit however, we shouldn't. As D and I watched Biggest Loser last night I found myself judging some of them pretty hard, and for others I would just cry tears of sadness and empathy.
The problem was that most of the people who didn't make the final cut didn't WANT it. The fake hysterics, the fake oh I have asthma, the fake oh I can't run or breath but yet I can talk? Give me a break. I've been there. I know what it feels like when you just don't WANT to go anymore so you say you can't breath...problem is, if you can talk? You can breath...and you can 9 times out of 10 keep going.
I'm not saying these people should care about what I have to say. Lord knows when I was fat my friends kept telling me what I wanted to hear "You are SO pretty, look at those eyes"! "I love love your hair"! or on the off occasion where I would find a dress or something that fit halfway decently "WOW, you look REALLY good in that"! It was THOSE comments on what I was wearing that gave me my "aha" moment as Oprah would call it.
WTF did they mean I look good in THAT outfit? I don't look good regularly? Oh because this fits me better I'm hiding the fat? Like wtf?! I know they meant well but fuck me, it did a number on my psyche. It's one thing to say "I love that dress"! or "Work that dress girl"! Or something like that, but I was constantly trying to hide myself...being overweight AND black? You're almost like the Invisible Man. Problem with me is, I don't want quietly into ANY room. I make my presence known and I command it....usually.
Over the years I've began to back down on that because let's face it, as the pounds slowly piled on more and more, everyone around me got skinnier it seemed! This is NYC, not the Midwest. Where I'm from, everyone LOVES their steak and potatoes and man do they love their Hungry Hobo (best.food.ever). There is a fitness center but for the most part, I can't say I know more than a handful of people that use them.
In High School I would dress up in the craziest outfits. I swear I thought I was a Spice Girl (Mel B preferably - Ha!). It wasn't hard to find cute clothes and fit into them easily. Even in college I stayed a pretty decent size. I didn't understand what everyone was talking about "freshman fifteen"? I didn't gain. Here's a picture from back in '02:
I was never skinny or rail thin but I wasn't fat. I kind of yo-yo'd with my weight but overall, I fit into the things I wanted to buy. Period.
It sucks SO bad to walk into a store and either 1. all your sizes are gone because America is FAT or 2. You can't fit into anything! My last "aha" moment happened when I went to buy new dress pants (something I haven't done for years because in my line of work you rarely need them). They were a size 16. I almost fainted right there in the dressing room when I couldn't button up the 12 and then the 14. I started an argument with D just to release some tension and it was then that I realized this totally isn't just affecting me. It is going to affect US for the rest of our lives together. He doesn't deserve that. I don't deserve that. He has been nothing but loving and helpful (and he doesn't say things like oh that outfit looks good on you).
Anyway, long story short...I'm not afraid to lose this weight. What I am afraid of, is the losing of the weight changing me. I already judge people way too harshly. I gotta slow that down.
Tomorrow's blog: You're OBESE - NOT FAT, Idiot...or Something On Smoking...
Haven't decided.
Love you all!
Lovinggggggggg the comments!
xo,
K
Sidebar: The shin splints came back HARDCORE today in one of my legs. I rated myself a 3.5 today because of it. I'm so sad. =(
Sidebar2: On another note, I'm still debating if I'm staying in bootcamp or not for the winter months. D can probably work out w/ me just the same and I can do it now. Every last one of you know I like to pay for things that last...clothes, vacations and I like to SAVE SAVE SAVE. So, we'll see how it goes and what I feel at the end of this cycle =) In the meantime, I'll be floating along for the next four weeks. =) - Just don't be surprised if you see me switch things up a bit!
"I don't give a damn what you think, I'm doing this for me" gotta love it. Eminem - Not Afraid That video was taped at the concert I was at, a little wobbly but overall pretty decent sound considering...
Such a great song! The truth is, we as a people DO care what others think about us. When it comes to our health and getting fit however, we shouldn't. As D and I watched Biggest Loser last night I found myself judging some of them pretty hard, and for others I would just cry tears of sadness and empathy.
The problem was that most of the people who didn't make the final cut didn't WANT it. The fake hysterics, the fake oh I have asthma, the fake oh I can't run or breath but yet I can talk? Give me a break. I've been there. I know what it feels like when you just don't WANT to go anymore so you say you can't breath...problem is, if you can talk? You can breath...and you can 9 times out of 10 keep going.
I'm not saying these people should care about what I have to say. Lord knows when I was fat my friends kept telling me what I wanted to hear "You are SO pretty, look at those eyes"! "I love love your hair"! or on the off occasion where I would find a dress or something that fit halfway decently "WOW, you look REALLY good in that"! It was THOSE comments on what I was wearing that gave me my "aha" moment as Oprah would call it.
WTF did they mean I look good in THAT outfit? I don't look good regularly? Oh because this fits me better I'm hiding the fat? Like wtf?! I know they meant well but fuck me, it did a number on my psyche. It's one thing to say "I love that dress"! or "Work that dress girl"! Or something like that, but I was constantly trying to hide myself...being overweight AND black? You're almost like the Invisible Man. Problem with me is, I don't want quietly into ANY room. I make my presence known and I command it....usually.
Over the years I've began to back down on that because let's face it, as the pounds slowly piled on more and more, everyone around me got skinnier it seemed! This is NYC, not the Midwest. Where I'm from, everyone LOVES their steak and potatoes and man do they love their Hungry Hobo (best.food.ever). There is a fitness center but for the most part, I can't say I know more than a handful of people that use them.
In High School I would dress up in the craziest outfits. I swear I thought I was a Spice Girl (Mel B preferably - Ha!). It wasn't hard to find cute clothes and fit into them easily. Even in college I stayed a pretty decent size. I didn't understand what everyone was talking about "freshman fifteen"? I didn't gain. Here's a picture from back in '02:
I was never skinny or rail thin but I wasn't fat. I kind of yo-yo'd with my weight but overall, I fit into the things I wanted to buy. Period.
It sucks SO bad to walk into a store and either 1. all your sizes are gone because America is FAT or 2. You can't fit into anything! My last "aha" moment happened when I went to buy new dress pants (something I haven't done for years because in my line of work you rarely need them). They were a size 16. I almost fainted right there in the dressing room when I couldn't button up the 12 and then the 14. I started an argument with D just to release some tension and it was then that I realized this totally isn't just affecting me. It is going to affect US for the rest of our lives together. He doesn't deserve that. I don't deserve that. He has been nothing but loving and helpful (and he doesn't say things like oh that outfit looks good on you).
Anyway, long story short...I'm not afraid to lose this weight. What I am afraid of, is the losing of the weight changing me. I already judge people way too harshly. I gotta slow that down.
Tomorrow's blog: You're OBESE - NOT FAT, Idiot...or Something On Smoking...
Haven't decided.
Love you all!
Lovinggggggggg the comments!
xo,
K
Sidebar: The shin splints came back HARDCORE today in one of my legs. I rated myself a 3.5 today because of it. I'm so sad. =(
Sidebar2: On another note, I'm still debating if I'm staying in bootcamp or not for the winter months. D can probably work out w/ me just the same and I can do it now. Every last one of you know I like to pay for things that last...clothes, vacations and I like to SAVE SAVE SAVE. So, we'll see how it goes and what I feel at the end of this cycle =) In the meantime, I'll be floating along for the next four weeks. =) - Just don't be surprised if you see me switch things up a bit!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Ring the Alarm
Best song to wake up to? (Besides a Mariah song - speaking of which, if you haven't seen me in my video debut, you can check it out here - Mariah Carey - I Want to Know What Love is, Gotta love MC! I'm about one minute in, and on and on, with my girls who were also asked to be in it by the one and only herself! <3 ) yeah a bit of self promotion. Okay so I got off track...but I guess I'll come back to the original track and right now I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent....excuse my word vomit. Thanks.
After watching this video that was filmed back in September of '09, you have NO idea how much I cried. I mean I was totally happy that M wanted us in her video. The problem was, I was/am FAT. I figured they'd put make up on me, have me in wardrobe and I'd be FIERCE. NOT! I went into wardrobe and couldn't fit ANYTHING. Finally they found me some spandex pants ha, oh the 80's. It wasn't so bad, I mean the stylist was totally cool about it and extremely sweet (even gave me a betsey johnson necklace to take home!). But, overall...I was disappointed. My make up was FIERCE, my hair game was TIGHT...my body and that double chin? EMBARASSING. Mariah fans all over the world already hate me. Yet when this video came out, the fans WENT IN on me. It was horrid. Not to mention Hype Williams was directing the shoot and all I could think about was how fat he probably thought I was. I also thought, yeah he's putting me in the middle because I'm the biggest and he's balancing it out.
I don't want to go back to feeling like that. If someone calls tomorrow and says "M wants you in her new xmas video, you down"? I wanna feel like YEAH AND I look good! Every news piece or entertainment piece I've ever been in (minus '02 w/ M) I've been fat. It's not a good look. Just google, you'll see. It's really not cute.
Okay so I digress...enough of the above diatribe. Sorry about that folks. I just get so caught up in the way I look sometimes and never focus on the positives...something W tried to tell me to do today.
So...back to the original scheduled programming. What is the best song to wake up to, besides a Mariah one? Ring The Alarm - Beyonce .
Needless to say, this should have been my alarm this morning. I totally overslept. Getting out of bed is the HARDEST part of working out. See, the most important thing to me is that I work out in the morning. When working out before eating your body is forced to feed off of fat in order to get energy. On top of that, how many people actually work out after work and continuously do that 5x a week? I just know, for myself, I couldn't do that.
With 15 minutes to get ready and get in the car, I had the fastest shower known to man, my teeth were probably not brushed properly and my hair was a hot mess. Whatever. I went and once again, as I actually got into my car, I realized I was glad I was going.
I literally almost decided to stay home today and I'm so glad I didn't. Y was back today! So glad because when she is there, or F is there, I find I push myself harder. Today I rated myself at a 4.5. I would have rated myself a 5, except at the end I began to slack off during push-ups.
In case you're wondering, I did drink my milk. =)
A few people asked me to list what I eat for dinner so I'm going to post this weeks menu. Please remember when reading it that I am eating what *I* deem is appropriate for me. I change it up from time to time and I watch my intake during the day. This is JUST dinner:
Monday: 1 Turkey Burger (99% lean meat) on whole wheat bun and BBQ Beans.
-This is good because D can then put cheese and whatever else he wants on his burger and eat as many as he wants. He really doesn't eat the beans tho. Naughty Naughty! They are GOOD for you! It's also good because if you make one extra you can take it to work the next day and that alone will do you good for lunch =)
Tuesday - 1 crabcake baked and 1 cup of rice with carrots and peas.
Wednesday - Turkey chili! (1 1/2 cups)
Thursday -I'm going out to eat Thai w/ friends =) I'll let you know what I order.
Friday - Salmon & green beans
And that's all she wrote folks! This blog has to be filled w/ so much incorrect grammar! Sorry! I am on a time crunch!
Xoxo,
All of your comments, suggestions and love is SO SO appreciated!
K
After watching this video that was filmed back in September of '09, you have NO idea how much I cried. I mean I was totally happy that M wanted us in her video. The problem was, I was/am FAT. I figured they'd put make up on me, have me in wardrobe and I'd be FIERCE. NOT! I went into wardrobe and couldn't fit ANYTHING. Finally they found me some spandex pants ha, oh the 80's. It wasn't so bad, I mean the stylist was totally cool about it and extremely sweet (even gave me a betsey johnson necklace to take home!). But, overall...I was disappointed. My make up was FIERCE, my hair game was TIGHT...my body and that double chin? EMBARASSING. Mariah fans all over the world already hate me. Yet when this video came out, the fans WENT IN on me. It was horrid. Not to mention Hype Williams was directing the shoot and all I could think about was how fat he probably thought I was. I also thought, yeah he's putting me in the middle because I'm the biggest and he's balancing it out.
I don't want to go back to feeling like that. If someone calls tomorrow and says "M wants you in her new xmas video, you down"? I wanna feel like YEAH AND I look good! Every news piece or entertainment piece I've ever been in (minus '02 w/ M) I've been fat. It's not a good look. Just google, you'll see. It's really not cute.
Okay so I digress...enough of the above diatribe. Sorry about that folks. I just get so caught up in the way I look sometimes and never focus on the positives...something W tried to tell me to do today.
So...back to the original scheduled programming. What is the best song to wake up to, besides a Mariah one? Ring The Alarm - Beyonce .
Needless to say, this should have been my alarm this morning. I totally overslept. Getting out of bed is the HARDEST part of working out. See, the most important thing to me is that I work out in the morning. When working out before eating your body is forced to feed off of fat in order to get energy. On top of that, how many people actually work out after work and continuously do that 5x a week? I just know, for myself, I couldn't do that.
With 15 minutes to get ready and get in the car, I had the fastest shower known to man, my teeth were probably not brushed properly and my hair was a hot mess. Whatever. I went and once again, as I actually got into my car, I realized I was glad I was going.
I literally almost decided to stay home today and I'm so glad I didn't. Y was back today! So glad because when she is there, or F is there, I find I push myself harder. Today I rated myself at a 4.5. I would have rated myself a 5, except at the end I began to slack off during push-ups.
In case you're wondering, I did drink my milk. =)
A few people asked me to list what I eat for dinner so I'm going to post this weeks menu. Please remember when reading it that I am eating what *I* deem is appropriate for me. I change it up from time to time and I watch my intake during the day. This is JUST dinner:
Monday: 1 Turkey Burger (99% lean meat) on whole wheat bun and BBQ Beans.
-This is good because D can then put cheese and whatever else he wants on his burger and eat as many as he wants. He really doesn't eat the beans tho. Naughty Naughty! They are GOOD for you! It's also good because if you make one extra you can take it to work the next day and that alone will do you good for lunch =)
Tuesday - 1 crabcake baked and 1 cup of rice with carrots and peas.
Wednesday - Turkey chili! (1 1/2 cups)
Thursday -I'm going out to eat Thai w/ friends =) I'll let you know what I order.
Friday - Salmon & green beans
And that's all she wrote folks! This blog has to be filled w/ so much incorrect grammar! Sorry! I am on a time crunch!
Xoxo,
All of your comments, suggestions and love is SO SO appreciated!
K
Monday, September 20, 2010
New Boot Camp Cycle - Weight Loss Weigh-In!
Hello my lovey senoritas and senors. =)
Today marks the first day of a new boot camp cycle! How excited was I? VERY, yet ...not really. I mean, I was stoked to go and meet the new faces but usually I'm pretty much alone when it comes to working out 5x a week. There are other sessions (like the 5:45, but I'm sticking with the 6:45am session) where the girls come 5x a week but mostly, people do the 3x a week thing.
Moving on...we all had ONE week off! I ENJOYED it. I decided to let my body rest, not do any research and just try and eat right to the best of my ability. I succeeded! Not that hard to succeed when you don't have to wake up at 5:30am, however the eating was a bit hard. I'm getting better though.
What am I doing RIGHT NOW? I am drinking milk! WTF. I cannot STAND milk. I think it's vile, nasty...okay just typing that is making me want to spit it back up. Let me try to focus on the positive...it's okay when it's ice cold. I also like dipping oreos in it...but alas, I have no oreos and wouldn't do it if I did.
D has been telling me for WEEKS that I need to drink some kind of protein shake or something after I work out. I've seen his nasty ass protein shakes. I'm not going there and I refused. Who can down something so thick and sugary and all those different flavors? I'll keep taking my vitamins and eating cereal and call it a day. That is until I woke up.
I decided there was a reason my muscles were sore and just coming off of it during the week we had off. I jumped in yesterday and decided to do research. Turns out, as usual (and as I really did know in the back of my mind) I do need SOMETHING.
I read this article: Drink Your Milk!
If you don't have time to read the article, the basic premise is this:
According to a study published in Medicine & Science in Sport & Exercise, women who drank two large glasses of fat-free milk after lifting weights gained more muscle and lost more fat than women who drank sugar-based energy drinks. Scientists also found they increased their lean body mass and got stronger.
This is a recent study! I love this stuff!
How stupid could I be to truly believe that my body could handle all of the extra weight PLUS all of the running, jumping, resistance and weight lifting I was doing? Especially, ALL AT ONCE when I've never in my life done it before?! Even the most athletic people have to drink something to help their bodies recover. What an ego maniac I was!
As I'm typing this, I just finished my milk. It wasn't so bad. =)
Right now I'm drinking 1% but I am guessing I'm going to have to go down to skim soon. I'm going to try the 1% for a week, see what happens. Then try the skim, see what happens in the 2nd week. THEN I'm going to POSSIBLY try muscle milk LIGHT (I love that they have light). We'll see, I want to make sure I'm not adding too many calories for something I absolutely abhor, yet I also want to keep my body healthy.
Today in boot camp we had 5 people. It's crazy! The class before has 20 girls easily! I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't mind. Less people to compete with and W is able to show us each individual attention. I'm imagining though that throughout the week, some of the regulars will be back and ready to go. I can't wait. =) I miss F and Y! (F is on vaca).
It was crazy...all I could think about was my first day of boot camp exactly 5 weeks ago. How I cried, how I whined, how I yearned to stop and did more than anyone else...how my body gave out on me and most of all? How hard everything was.
W took me to the side today and told me that this session he is going to expect more of me. I think I expect more of myself too. I'm not sure...but I really believe I do. He wants me to push through the burn and the pain so I can come out feeling great. I know what that feels like, I've done it before. The process is murderous. I already feel like I'm dying sometimes when I do it but I know that I could give more. On a scale of 1-5 today I rated my effort at a 4.
On our morning jog though, I was able to run longer than ever before. Still not up to par with some of the vets, but I'm getting there. =)
I just feel good knowing that this time I was nowhere NEAR tears! I left boot camp once again feeling victorious and happy.
Alrighty, time for weigh-in.
In five weeks I have officially lost 16 pounds. It may not seem like much, or it may seem like a lot. I don't care. I'm doing all that I can exercise wise and also food wise. I am not starving myself, I'm eating. I am not doing something so unrealistic that I can't keep it up. Progress comes slowly and I can't imagine being that girl 5 weeks ago who couldn't do a few push ups.
Thank you guys for all of your love, support and checking in on me! Your comments and emails mean the world to me. TRULY they inspire me and push me!
Love love love you!
K
Today marks the first day of a new boot camp cycle! How excited was I? VERY, yet ...not really. I mean, I was stoked to go and meet the new faces but usually I'm pretty much alone when it comes to working out 5x a week. There are other sessions (like the 5:45, but I'm sticking with the 6:45am session) where the girls come 5x a week but mostly, people do the 3x a week thing.
Moving on...we all had ONE week off! I ENJOYED it. I decided to let my body rest, not do any research and just try and eat right to the best of my ability. I succeeded! Not that hard to succeed when you don't have to wake up at 5:30am, however the eating was a bit hard. I'm getting better though.
What am I doing RIGHT NOW? I am drinking milk! WTF. I cannot STAND milk. I think it's vile, nasty...okay just typing that is making me want to spit it back up. Let me try to focus on the positive...it's okay when it's ice cold. I also like dipping oreos in it...but alas, I have no oreos and wouldn't do it if I did.
D has been telling me for WEEKS that I need to drink some kind of protein shake or something after I work out. I've seen his nasty ass protein shakes. I'm not going there and I refused. Who can down something so thick and sugary and all those different flavors? I'll keep taking my vitamins and eating cereal and call it a day. That is until I woke up.
I decided there was a reason my muscles were sore and just coming off of it during the week we had off. I jumped in yesterday and decided to do research. Turns out, as usual (and as I really did know in the back of my mind) I do need SOMETHING.
I read this article: Drink Your Milk!
If you don't have time to read the article, the basic premise is this:
According to a study published in Medicine & Science in Sport & Exercise, women who drank two large glasses of fat-free milk after lifting weights gained more muscle and lost more fat than women who drank sugar-based energy drinks. Scientists also found they increased their lean body mass and got stronger.
This is a recent study! I love this stuff!
How stupid could I be to truly believe that my body could handle all of the extra weight PLUS all of the running, jumping, resistance and weight lifting I was doing? Especially, ALL AT ONCE when I've never in my life done it before?! Even the most athletic people have to drink something to help their bodies recover. What an ego maniac I was!
As I'm typing this, I just finished my milk. It wasn't so bad. =)
Right now I'm drinking 1% but I am guessing I'm going to have to go down to skim soon. I'm going to try the 1% for a week, see what happens. Then try the skim, see what happens in the 2nd week. THEN I'm going to POSSIBLY try muscle milk LIGHT (I love that they have light). We'll see, I want to make sure I'm not adding too many calories for something I absolutely abhor, yet I also want to keep my body healthy.
Today in boot camp we had 5 people. It's crazy! The class before has 20 girls easily! I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't mind. Less people to compete with and W is able to show us each individual attention. I'm imagining though that throughout the week, some of the regulars will be back and ready to go. I can't wait. =) I miss F and Y! (F is on vaca).
It was crazy...all I could think about was my first day of boot camp exactly 5 weeks ago. How I cried, how I whined, how I yearned to stop and did more than anyone else...how my body gave out on me and most of all? How hard everything was.
W took me to the side today and told me that this session he is going to expect more of me. I think I expect more of myself too. I'm not sure...but I really believe I do. He wants me to push through the burn and the pain so I can come out feeling great. I know what that feels like, I've done it before. The process is murderous. I already feel like I'm dying sometimes when I do it but I know that I could give more. On a scale of 1-5 today I rated my effort at a 4.
On our morning jog though, I was able to run longer than ever before. Still not up to par with some of the vets, but I'm getting there. =)
I just feel good knowing that this time I was nowhere NEAR tears! I left boot camp once again feeling victorious and happy.
Alrighty, time for weigh-in.
In five weeks I have officially lost 16 pounds. It may not seem like much, or it may seem like a lot. I don't care. I'm doing all that I can exercise wise and also food wise. I am not starving myself, I'm eating. I am not doing something so unrealistic that I can't keep it up. Progress comes slowly and I can't imagine being that girl 5 weeks ago who couldn't do a few push ups.
Thank you guys for all of your love, support and checking in on me! Your comments and emails mean the world to me. TRULY they inspire me and push me!
Love love love you!
K
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Apologetic...
To all of you readers and to my body.
I have been eating right but exercise just is NOT in my repertoire the past few days! AH!!
I received the best gift a girl could get yesterday from a great friend, Floor seats to Jay-Z/Eminem Home and Home concert at Yankee Stadium! The concert went past 1am and I am EXHAUSTED!!! Did not get home until 3:30am!
Needless to say, I'm pooped. It was an amazing show though, does dancing and singing until your back, legs and entire body shakes count as exercising? I did just weigh myself (I do NOT recommend doing this, I dunno why I did it...) and it says I lost one pound but yeah, I don't FEEL it!
Back to working out tomorrow! Remember, it is the OFF week of bootcamp (new cycle starts on Monday) so it will be working out to On Demand videos or DVDs. Hopefully, when I'm home and relaxing I have the energy to exercise. THIS IS WHY I HAVE to exercise in the morning! By the time the day is over, I just don't feel it! I also notice my level of energy is majorly down without exercise.
Anyway, I keep saying tomorrow so I won't say that today. I'll say I'm GOING to do it tonight. Where the hell is my motivation?
One piece of good news? I was in a stadium filled with Salty carb induced pretzels, hot dogs, beer etc...and I didn't touch ONE thing, except a bottle of water =) I'm guessing my healthy eating is what is helping me lose weight but to be honest, I want to be toned and when I was exercising everyday, I noticed changes. Now I don't feel energized, instead I just feel fat.
xoxo,
K
ps. Any motivational words ...SAY EM! I need em!
I have been eating right but exercise just is NOT in my repertoire the past few days! AH!!
I received the best gift a girl could get yesterday from a great friend, Floor seats to Jay-Z/Eminem Home and Home concert at Yankee Stadium! The concert went past 1am and I am EXHAUSTED!!! Did not get home until 3:30am!
Needless to say, I'm pooped. It was an amazing show though, does dancing and singing until your back, legs and entire body shakes count as exercising? I did just weigh myself (I do NOT recommend doing this, I dunno why I did it...) and it says I lost one pound but yeah, I don't FEEL it!
Back to working out tomorrow! Remember, it is the OFF week of bootcamp (new cycle starts on Monday) so it will be working out to On Demand videos or DVDs. Hopefully, when I'm home and relaxing I have the energy to exercise. THIS IS WHY I HAVE to exercise in the morning! By the time the day is over, I just don't feel it! I also notice my level of energy is majorly down without exercise.
Anyway, I keep saying tomorrow so I won't say that today. I'll say I'm GOING to do it tonight. Where the hell is my motivation?
One piece of good news? I was in a stadium filled with Salty carb induced pretzels, hot dogs, beer etc...and I didn't touch ONE thing, except a bottle of water =) I'm guessing my healthy eating is what is helping me lose weight but to be honest, I want to be toned and when I was exercising everyday, I noticed changes. Now I don't feel energized, instead I just feel fat.
xoxo,
K
ps. Any motivational words ...SAY EM! I need em!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
So...Here's the thing...
Okay, so here's the thing...I've been slacking. Not in the "Oh I am gonna eat this Big Mac and fries" sense but more like the..."I'm not working out this week so I'm gonna chill" or "It's my birthday so I'm just gonna take a break" sense.
It sucks to know you should be doing something but you don't.
Here is the deal.
Saturday we went to Six Flags to celebrate my birthday. I felt like (and so did everyone) I should be really proud of myself. We got lunch specifically from Wa-Wa before going. (Don't judge me, It was my choice and I freaking LOVE their sandwiches!) and I drank nothing but water all day (as usual) but then around 6pm after all that walking around and the smells of funnel cakes and ice cream and pizza wafting to my nose...D and I decided to split an order of fries. =/ I know I know. I hadn't eaten french fries in a month. It's not like I committed a murder but for some reason I felt SO BAD afterward.
Then I realized, I spent all that time walking around the park, hours in fact, going on rides and enjoying MY day so splitting an order of fries is something I NEVER would have done. In fact, I would have had a burger, fries AND a funnel cake or ice cream, ALL to MYSELF. So splitting an order of french fries? Not gonna kill me.
Did I mention after all that we also went to see a movie and I avoided the popcorn, candy and soft drinks? Yeah, pretty rad.
Sunday, I woke up with a sore back (Thanks Kingda Ka!) and did our grocery shopping (bought a new crockpot yay!) and pretty much stayed in. We had so many season finales to watch, including the VMAs. Anyone catch True Blood? So not impressed with that finale....anyway...
I stayed on track Sunday for the most part. Only problem? Once again, I didn't eat six small meals. I definitely didn't eat anything too bad but I really should have had 6 small meals. It's SO hard for me on the weekends.
Monday was a free day for me. It was my ACTUAL birthday. D got me a cupcake as requested, I ate half of it. I felt horrible after. Is this what it is going to be like forever? I mean, I know the answer to that...of course not. But how do you enjoy foods that you once loved and then feel guilty afterward? It's not a fun feeling.
I did NOT work out on Monday and once again today, I did NOT work out. Ithink KNOW this has something to do with me feeling like crap and totally unmotivated.
The day isn't over, so I'm going to hope and pray I can just get up the energy and go for a run later. Usually, I celebrate my birthday all week with drinking, parties and rooftops and MORE drinking. I didn't this year and that is an accomplishment within itself but I could be doing better.
Even more depressing? I weighed myself today and I lost .2lbs. 0.2!!! UGH. So demoralizing, yet it is better than gaining and with a new bootcamp cycle starting next week I know I can lose 2lbs this week (I WILL be working out the rest of this week Wed-Fri) and next week the goal is going to be 3lbs.
I CAN do this and I WILL do this. I just gotta get my mo-jo back. Damn birthday. =/
So, goals? To lose 1.8lbs at least by next Monday. (9/20)
Second goal? To lose 3lbs the following week by 9/27)
Here's to praying it can happen.
Morale to this story is, if you're not working out, you're not helping yourself. You truly are only hindering yourself. My entire mental state is fucked because of skipping workouts. Not to mention I just read an article that says it can take you up to a year to really get used to WANTING to work out. The motivation has to be internal versus external. Here's a link to the article a friend shared with me: It takes more than a year to truly get into exercise . Oh Joy. Luckily, I kind of already knew this and more than my outside rewards, I want to be healthy.
With that said, I'm off to find some motivation for this week. First blog post that wasn't so positive? Sorry guys. =(
Love you all!
K
On a side note, here is a picture taken of me at six flags. It was one of the first times that I actually liked the first shot and didn't have someone retake it.
I'm not sure if that is arm definition but I'd like to believe it is. =)
Also as an aside, my old supervisor, LN, just joined a bootcamp (in her neck of the woods of Brooooklynnn) and thanked me for the motivation. How amazing is that?! Way to go LN! Cannot WAIT to hear more about it!
It sucks to know you should be doing something but you don't.
Here is the deal.
Saturday we went to Six Flags to celebrate my birthday. I felt like (and so did everyone) I should be really proud of myself. We got lunch specifically from Wa-Wa before going. (Don't judge me, It was my choice and I freaking LOVE their sandwiches!) and I drank nothing but water all day (as usual) but then around 6pm after all that walking around and the smells of funnel cakes and ice cream and pizza wafting to my nose...D and I decided to split an order of fries. =/ I know I know. I hadn't eaten french fries in a month. It's not like I committed a murder but for some reason I felt SO BAD afterward.
Then I realized, I spent all that time walking around the park, hours in fact, going on rides and enjoying MY day so splitting an order of fries is something I NEVER would have done. In fact, I would have had a burger, fries AND a funnel cake or ice cream, ALL to MYSELF. So splitting an order of french fries? Not gonna kill me.
Did I mention after all that we also went to see a movie and I avoided the popcorn, candy and soft drinks? Yeah, pretty rad.
Sunday, I woke up with a sore back (Thanks Kingda Ka!) and did our grocery shopping (bought a new crockpot yay!) and pretty much stayed in. We had so many season finales to watch, including the VMAs. Anyone catch True Blood? So not impressed with that finale....anyway...
I stayed on track Sunday for the most part. Only problem? Once again, I didn't eat six small meals. I definitely didn't eat anything too bad but I really should have had 6 small meals. It's SO hard for me on the weekends.
Monday was a free day for me. It was my ACTUAL birthday. D got me a cupcake as requested, I ate half of it. I felt horrible after. Is this what it is going to be like forever? I mean, I know the answer to that...of course not. But how do you enjoy foods that you once loved and then feel guilty afterward? It's not a fun feeling.
I did NOT work out on Monday and once again today, I did NOT work out. I
The day isn't over, so I'm going to hope and pray I can just get up the energy and go for a run later. Usually, I celebrate my birthday all week with drinking, parties and rooftops and MORE drinking. I didn't this year and that is an accomplishment within itself but I could be doing better.
Even more depressing? I weighed myself today and I lost .2lbs. 0.2!!! UGH. So demoralizing, yet it is better than gaining and with a new bootcamp cycle starting next week I know I can lose 2lbs this week (I WILL be working out the rest of this week Wed-Fri) and next week the goal is going to be 3lbs.
I CAN do this and I WILL do this. I just gotta get my mo-jo back. Damn birthday. =/
So, goals? To lose 1.8lbs at least by next Monday. (9/20)
Second goal? To lose 3lbs the following week by 9/27)
Here's to praying it can happen.
Morale to this story is, if you're not working out, you're not helping yourself. You truly are only hindering yourself. My entire mental state is fucked because of skipping workouts. Not to mention I just read an article that says it can take you up to a year to really get used to WANTING to work out. The motivation has to be internal versus external. Here's a link to the article a friend shared with me: It takes more than a year to truly get into exercise . Oh Joy. Luckily, I kind of already knew this and more than my outside rewards, I want to be healthy.
With that said, I'm off to find some motivation for this week. First blog post that wasn't so positive? Sorry guys. =(
Love you all!
K
On a side note, here is a picture taken of me at six flags. It was one of the first times that I actually liked the first shot and didn't have someone retake it.
I'm not sure if that is arm definition but I'd like to believe it is. =)
Also as an aside, my old supervisor, LN, just joined a bootcamp (in her neck of the woods of Brooooklynnn) and thanked me for the motivation. How amazing is that?! Way to go LN! Cannot WAIT to hear more about it!
Monday, September 13, 2010
It's My Birthday!!!
Today is our off week of bootcamp. Minus the make up days for rain, Labor Day and my sick day =) (Happening Tues-Thurs)
I will be taking today off to relax and enjoy my 29 years on this earth.
Many blessings to all of you who are checking in on me!
I will be taking today off to relax and enjoy my 29 years on this earth.
Many blessings to all of you who are checking in on me!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Four Weeks Down! With Pics!
Well the day is here! An update through pictures...
I took a lot of them (well D did) but honestly I'm not thrilled with ANY of them so I'm going to save them all and throughout the program I'll do side by side shots of front, side and back, for now, you get a front and a side. I can NOT show you the back yet. UGH! I just can't! Why is my ass square?! Needless to say, I won't be doing fashion week this year...however, I plan on going to every show I possibly can next year! (Well the ones I get invited to-and possibly the ones I don't ha!)
Anyway, remember, the first before picture is not a picture I actually meant to be a before pic, as I didn't start it in time, so it is just a photo of me taken by a friend. Someone tell me how in the hell I had the nerve to wear that?! =)
Now, I can admit, it's not that HUGE of a difference. I wasn't expecting one. No one should let four weeks get them discouraged. I am losing fat and gaining muscle AND energy and endurance! The bottom line is, if you can make it past one month, imagine what you could do in 2 or 3 or 6?!
I wanted to give everyone a heads up on what I'm eating so I listed a days meal plan below. Remember, I eat things that I want. I am just healthier about my choices, I'm not going to have a 500 calorie piece of pizza (When you know you can't just eat one slice). It's loaded with fat and grease and ugh. Just the thought....
Breakfast: 2 eggs and 1/2 cup of Special K w/ 1% milk and 1 pack of sweet n low
Snack: 1 pickle (sorry I had a craving)
Lunch: 1 Lean Cuisine Pepperoni Pizza (So yummy and easy and quick!!! Only about 330 calories!)
Dinner: 3/4 cup of shredded chicken 1/4 of a red potato, onions and carrots (all made in the crockpot)
Dessert: (I only eat this once a week) but I get the Smart Ones Desserts, my fav is the Reeses peanut butter cup low fat ice cream!
Like I said, I don't count calories but this is all definitely under 1400 calories and yummmmmmy. I am full and I eat at decent times. You shouldn't be eating dinner past 8 if you're in bed at 10. Remember to try to eat dinner 3-4 hours before you go to bed!
I really try to limit (and have) my dessert to once a week. If I have dessert it has to be something low in fat and I bust my ass the next day to burn it off.
Eating protein in the morning for breakfast will help you stay full throughout the day.
I have OFFICIALLY made it through 4 weeks of bootcamp! I have 3 days next week (it's our off week). Then a new session starts Sept. 20th! My birthday is Monday so I still haven't decided if I'm going to do anything that day or not.
Gotta get some work done so...I'm outtie!
LOVE YOU ALL!!! Thanks for reading and following along on my journey. Don't forget to tune into the VMA's on MTV Sunday! It's gonna be a banger!
xoxo,
K
ps. CRUNCHES SUCK!
I took a lot of them (well D did) but honestly I'm not thrilled with ANY of them so I'm going to save them all and throughout the program I'll do side by side shots of front, side and back, for now, you get a front and a side. I can NOT show you the back yet. UGH! I just can't! Why is my ass square?! Needless to say, I won't be doing fashion week this year...however, I plan on going to every show I possibly can next year! (Well the ones I get invited to-and possibly the ones I don't ha!)
Anyway, remember, the first before picture is not a picture I actually meant to be a before pic, as I didn't start it in time, so it is just a photo of me taken by a friend. Someone tell me how in the hell I had the nerve to wear that?! =)
 | ||
| Before (Best side angle I could find. See the gross ass fat hanging out of my back even from the SIDE!) |
 | |
| After - Not great but improving! |
 | |
| Front - After |
Now, I can admit, it's not that HUGE of a difference. I wasn't expecting one. No one should let four weeks get them discouraged. I am losing fat and gaining muscle AND energy and endurance! The bottom line is, if you can make it past one month, imagine what you could do in 2 or 3 or 6?!
I wanted to give everyone a heads up on what I'm eating so I listed a days meal plan below. Remember, I eat things that I want. I am just healthier about my choices, I'm not going to have a 500 calorie piece of pizza (When you know you can't just eat one slice). It's loaded with fat and grease and ugh. Just the thought....
Breakfast: 2 eggs and 1/2 cup of Special K w/ 1% milk and 1 pack of sweet n low
Snack: 1 pickle (sorry I had a craving)
Lunch: 1 Lean Cuisine Pepperoni Pizza (So yummy and easy and quick!!! Only about 330 calories!)
Dinner: 3/4 cup of shredded chicken 1/4 of a red potato, onions and carrots (all made in the crockpot)
Dessert: (I only eat this once a week) but I get the Smart Ones Desserts, my fav is the Reeses peanut butter cup low fat ice cream!
Like I said, I don't count calories but this is all definitely under 1400 calories and yummmmmmy. I am full and I eat at decent times. You shouldn't be eating dinner past 8 if you're in bed at 10. Remember to try to eat dinner 3-4 hours before you go to bed!
I really try to limit (and have) my dessert to once a week. If I have dessert it has to be something low in fat and I bust my ass the next day to burn it off.
Eating protein in the morning for breakfast will help you stay full throughout the day.
I have OFFICIALLY made it through 4 weeks of bootcamp! I have 3 days next week (it's our off week). Then a new session starts Sept. 20th! My birthday is Monday so I still haven't decided if I'm going to do anything that day or not.
Gotta get some work done so...I'm outtie!
LOVE YOU ALL!!! Thanks for reading and following along on my journey. Don't forget to tune into the VMA's on MTV Sunday! It's gonna be a banger!
xoxo,
K
ps. CRUNCHES SUCK!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
If You're Unhappy, Fix it.
This blog is dedicated to one of the sweetest guys I ever met. CM. You are missed and loved more than you could have ever possibly known.
It is with a heavy heart that I type this. I just woke up (for good). I woke up feeling nauseous and sick to my stomach (same thing?). I couldn't find the strength to even get out of bed. So, needless to say, my sickness kept me from bootcamp today for the first time!
Thinking of CM makes me reflect upon all those who we may have lost contact with and never realized how much of an impact they had on our life. CM ended his own life and at such a young age. You can never fully know how sad someone is inside. I feel like, if I hadn't made this change in my life...that could have been me in a few years.
I was soooo unhappy with my body that I would literally stay at home rather than go out. I would miss friends birthday parties, and if I went, I would make sure they took pictures from the chest UP. THEN I would ask to see them and delete any where a hint of my double chin showed. I lost contact with a lot of people I loved either 1. because I was too lazy to go see them or 2. because I was too embarrassed for them to see me like that. It got to the point where I was the fat girl making comments about being fat and those jokes were funny...or I thought, but mostly I think my friends were giving me nervous laughter. I was the fat girl who could make fun of herself but inside I was dying.
If you find yourself making fun of your body...CHANGE IT!
Don't let this happen to you. Prove to yourself that you can get up and conquer your fears, whatever they may be. The great thing about having body issues is...YOU CAN CHANGE THEM WITHOUT SURGERY! (I am not one for surgery, unless it is like a breast lift or something). God created us all equal but being healthy is both a mental state and a physical state. Working out helps me both mentally (I don't mind going out even though I'm still big!) and physically (I can actually get my lazy ass up to go out)!
Anyway, all of that aside, after speaking to F on FB and finding out she was the only one in bootcamp today, I felt HORRIBLE. I then got up, turned on my tv and started looking for a workout I could do in our apartment.
I found a Jackie Warner full circuit workout and did every move for 35 minutes. I was sweating and in pain and my head is still throbbing from being sick but I feel better! CRAZY!
I'm so proud of myself. Maybe that is weird. I missed bootcamp but I still got up and worked out...and I did it on my OWN!!!
Full circuit workouts are the BEST! You feel your entire body tingling afterward. I still like working out at boot camp better (people actually talk back to me there)! I can't wait for tomorrow's session. I plan on pushing myself harder than ever before.
Alas, I must go relax.
Love you all!!!
-K
ps. TOMORROW IS PICTURE DAY!!!! Nervous as all get out but eh...we'll see!
sidebar: New song by Willow Smith (first I guess)...AMAZINGNESS!! Wanted to hate, but can't even....
Whip My Hair - Willow Smith YES that is Will Smith and Jada's daughter! Give me one more month and I promise you I will be in some club (okay maybe lounge) Whippin my hair back and forth...
It is with a heavy heart that I type this. I just woke up (for good). I woke up feeling nauseous and sick to my stomach (same thing?). I couldn't find the strength to even get out of bed. So, needless to say, my sickness kept me from bootcamp today for the first time!
Thinking of CM makes me reflect upon all those who we may have lost contact with and never realized how much of an impact they had on our life. CM ended his own life and at such a young age. You can never fully know how sad someone is inside. I feel like, if I hadn't made this change in my life...that could have been me in a few years.
I was soooo unhappy with my body that I would literally stay at home rather than go out. I would miss friends birthday parties, and if I went, I would make sure they took pictures from the chest UP. THEN I would ask to see them and delete any where a hint of my double chin showed. I lost contact with a lot of people I loved either 1. because I was too lazy to go see them or 2. because I was too embarrassed for them to see me like that. It got to the point where I was the fat girl making comments about being fat and those jokes were funny...or I thought, but mostly I think my friends were giving me nervous laughter. I was the fat girl who could make fun of herself but inside I was dying.
If you find yourself making fun of your body...CHANGE IT!
Don't let this happen to you. Prove to yourself that you can get up and conquer your fears, whatever they may be. The great thing about having body issues is...YOU CAN CHANGE THEM WITHOUT SURGERY! (I am not one for surgery, unless it is like a breast lift or something). God created us all equal but being healthy is both a mental state and a physical state. Working out helps me both mentally (I don't mind going out even though I'm still big!) and physically (I can actually get my lazy ass up to go out)!
Anyway, all of that aside, after speaking to F on FB and finding out she was the only one in bootcamp today, I felt HORRIBLE. I then got up, turned on my tv and started looking for a workout I could do in our apartment.
I found a Jackie Warner full circuit workout and did every move for 35 minutes. I was sweating and in pain and my head is still throbbing from being sick but I feel better! CRAZY!
I'm so proud of myself. Maybe that is weird. I missed bootcamp but I still got up and worked out...and I did it on my OWN!!!
Full circuit workouts are the BEST! You feel your entire body tingling afterward. I still like working out at boot camp better (people actually talk back to me there)! I can't wait for tomorrow's session. I plan on pushing myself harder than ever before.
Alas, I must go relax.
Love you all!!!
-K
ps. TOMORROW IS PICTURE DAY!!!! Nervous as all get out but eh...we'll see!
sidebar: New song by Willow Smith (first I guess)...AMAZINGNESS!! Wanted to hate, but can't even....
Whip My Hair - Willow Smith YES that is Will Smith and Jada's daughter! Give me one more month and I promise you I will be in some club (okay maybe lounge) Whippin my hair back and forth...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I'm riding solo...
Today was all hell!!! My shin-splints came back hardcore in my left leg and that on top of working out SO hard yesterday, left me pretty miserable. I did half of the run (first time! AHH SUCKS!) and then came back and did sucky moves instead of doing what he was saying to do....eventually...I stopped. I realized I had to push myself through the pain AGAIN and just deal!
So about halfway through class I began to push myself. Good thing too, or else I would've had to rate myself at a 1 for my level of effort. I ended up giving myself a 3.5. Hence the reason "I'm riding solo". I think I was the only one who didn't push herself from beginning to end and that sucks. To give myself the benefit of the doubt, I was in pain and in a crappy mood (not anymore! Yay!) but I am stronger having pushed myself.
I think there is some kind of badge I should get. Everyone who pushes themselves through pain and doesn't make excuses for themselves...I want a badge. Anyone up for making one for me? I'd appreciate it. Thanks. =)
Of course, W, being the jokester that he is, once again put me on the spot (he must know a challenge is my weak spot, I have to do them and do good at them). I think that is the downfall of this blog! He is reading it and knows my weakness! Long story short, SWITCHES!! Basically you are on your back, hands behind head (elbows out, not in) and legs in the air. You move your legs one at a time to your chest and out, taking turns on each leg. That's not so bad right? Well add to it doing crunches up to whatever leg is coming in to your stomach and call it DEATH. He said originally we were going to do those for 2 minutes but if I could pull through the full 45 seconds than he would cut it down to 45 seconds. I died. I literally died right there on the pier. What a view. I did it, slowly, but I did it. I think I even cried it hurt so bad.
Wonder what I'm complaining about? Get down and give me 45 seconds of those and then come back and holla at me. FOR REAL!
Needless to say, I'm in a GREAT mood. I love positivity and this class is truly helping me in that aspect. We have two more days left in week 4 and I probably still can only do 11 pushups but I gurantee I won't be sore the next day AND I can get up 5 seconds later and do 11 more. =) Okay maybe like 5 more, then rest and then 5 more. Ha!
Much love and respect to all of you who are reading the blog and commenting. Words still cannot express my gratitude and fondness of all of you who reach out everyday. I'm going...going...I'm gone.
Deuces!
K
Sidebar: If you're not following the blog, please click FOLLOW at the top! Also I'm on Twitter at twitter.com/krizgee !!!
Sidebar 2: Friday is picture day!! I'll have comparison photos of how far I've come! Not sure how far that is lol but we'll see!
So about halfway through class I began to push myself. Good thing too, or else I would've had to rate myself at a 1 for my level of effort. I ended up giving myself a 3.5. Hence the reason "I'm riding solo". I think I was the only one who didn't push herself from beginning to end and that sucks. To give myself the benefit of the doubt, I was in pain and in a crappy mood (not anymore! Yay!) but I am stronger having pushed myself.
I think there is some kind of badge I should get. Everyone who pushes themselves through pain and doesn't make excuses for themselves...I want a badge. Anyone up for making one for me? I'd appreciate it. Thanks. =)
Of course, W, being the jokester that he is, once again put me on the spot (he must know a challenge is my weak spot, I have to do them and do good at them). I think that is the downfall of this blog! He is reading it and knows my weakness! Long story short, SWITCHES!! Basically you are on your back, hands behind head (elbows out, not in) and legs in the air. You move your legs one at a time to your chest and out, taking turns on each leg. That's not so bad right? Well add to it doing crunches up to whatever leg is coming in to your stomach and call it DEATH. He said originally we were going to do those for 2 minutes but if I could pull through the full 45 seconds than he would cut it down to 45 seconds. I died. I literally died right there on the pier. What a view. I did it, slowly, but I did it. I think I even cried it hurt so bad.
Wonder what I'm complaining about? Get down and give me 45 seconds of those and then come back and holla at me. FOR REAL!
Needless to say, I'm in a GREAT mood. I love positivity and this class is truly helping me in that aspect. We have two more days left in week 4 and I probably still can only do 11 pushups but I gurantee I won't be sore the next day AND I can get up 5 seconds later and do 11 more. =) Okay maybe like 5 more, then rest and then 5 more. Ha!
Much love and respect to all of you who are reading the blog and commenting. Words still cannot express my gratitude and fondness of all of you who reach out everyday. I'm going...going...I'm gone.
Deuces!
K
Sidebar: If you're not following the blog, please click FOLLOW at the top! Also I'm on Twitter at twitter.com/krizgee !!!
Sidebar 2: Friday is picture day!! I'll have comparison photos of how far I've come! Not sure how far that is lol but we'll see!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
What a Difference a Day Makes! (and Weigh In)
Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzupppppppp (said ala Martin!) everyone! Sorry, totally an inside joke between D and I but I couldn't resist.
(Note: Weigh-In will happen at the end of this post)
I hope everyone had a FANTASTIC LONG Labor Day weekend and didn't forget what it is we actually were celebrating. I also hope you all kept away from all the fatty foods that come out during these days. I know I did. =)
I have a lot of ground to cover so let me start by discussing the weekend.
Over the past 3 days I did absolutely nothing. Okay, a little, but really not much. I spent time with D and his family (even got a workout in with his mom on Sunday!). I'm like a walking gym, she mentioned my blog and how proud she was of me and that she wished she could get up that early...one thing led to another and out to the car I went to get both of my yoga mats. Next thing D knew, me and his mom were running in place for 5 minutes and on the floor doing planks the next second!
It was fantastic! Not as intense as usual but it was weird for me to even have the energy to run out to the car to get a yoga mat. Duly noted in my mind. It is so important to note these small changes in myself. They are what drives me to keep going when I don't feel like I'm losing weight.
Which brings us to our next topic...I FINALLY NOTICE A DIFFERENCE! It's not much but it's something!
For as long as I have been fat I have wanted to get my collarbone back. Weird? Maybe! However, the collarbone, to me, represents femininity. I want to FEEL feminine and in order to do that, I need a collarbone (we all have our quirks-STOP JUDGING!). Well this weekend, as I looked in the mirror, smiling at myself, I noticed the first marks of a collarbone. In the place where my neck meets my collarbone there is a SLIGHT (albeit noticeable to me!) indention there. OMG!! It's working!! I about died. No, really...I almost fainted.
Then, during workout today my pants kept falling down! SO annoying but SO gratifying. Although I am not looking forward to all the money about to be doled out to spruce up this wardrobe. It's gonna have to wait til I'm at least down a few sizes.
Anyway, this entire weekend I felt like I wasn't doing anything. Yes, I went out grocery shopping, went to the beach, visited friends and D's family but overall, I felt lazy and I didn't really WANT to do any of it. After working out this morning, I realized WHY. Working out is an INTEGRAL part of my survival now. After only 3 weeks I now find my mood depends on that workout. I'm not sure if that is sad or good but it's almost like a drug. Eh, I have an addictive personality, I guess it could be lucky or horrid (cigarettes anyone?).
Over the past few years I've realized how much I DESPISE talking on the phone, this is so stupid, but now I'm in a better mood and I can talk and talk to T and not get bored! (Love you girl!). I also found that I want to judge people less (or more in some instances). I'm not so moody and critical of others, although I bet D would argue with me on that one. I just FEEL good. I can't stress it enough.
What you do with your life is YOUR business, but it ends up involving others when you're out and about and you move too slowly or you sit next to them on the train (Yes, I'm THAT girl). Or, as noted in our workout today, if there is an emergency and your family needs you, do you want to be panting because you can't get to your kids or loved ones fast enough? I do not want to be THAT girl.
I'm scared once I lose weight I'll start talking more ish about bigger people. It petrifies me. I think the reason I'm scared of that is because I feel like if I can do it, ANYONE can. I will say that over and over until it starts to sink in to anyone out there who wants to do it. IT IS SO TRUE. I am SO NOT athletic! However, I will be working to make sure that doesn't happen. I know it's wrong on SO many levels, sooooo I'll shut it. Especially because I'm still a big girl. =)
Okay, so now on to today's workout. Only 4 people in class today! Can you imagine? Today was a lower body day and W pushed and pushed harder. I love him for that! I came in last but for once, because of F, I didn't feel stupid. Everyone is so encouraging and it's just like one big love fest. My knees hurt, my thighs hurt, my core hurt!
And then it was onto something I LOVED and HATED all at the same time. A frisbee game that was designed to trick you! I totally went into this with my game face on (those that know me know I HATE to lose - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION). We were on teams of two, with W as the ref, and we had to try to run and throw the frisbee ....eh, it's confusing. Whatevz. Long story short, we were constantly running. Whether it was to make a goal or to stop the other team from getting a goal. Bottom line? We totally lost but it had nothing to do with effort, it was that damn frisbee getting caught in the wind! Okay, and maybe a little bit of me not really being able to catch it at the right times lol.
Ahhhh, today is a good day! The sun is shining and I'm smiling!
Now for the weigh-in.
I lost 1.8 lbs this week. A lot of you may be discouraged with this. Don't be. I'm thrilled. 1.8lbs is 1.8lbs less than I was last week and honestly I'm shocked it is that much. I ate a lot of carbs I shouldn't have eaten (albeit healthy ones) last week. A lot of grain! This week I'm going to try to cut it down more. Plus, my body is gaining muscle. I'll be burning more calories with these muscles but they also weigh more. My body is going to go through ups and downs, I'm just SO GLAD I didn't gain.
I'm back on the wagon this week, less grains, more vegetables (I hate veggies). Grocery shopping was great this week as we were able to find a lot of really fresh fruit and veggies and a lot of good lookin fish for dinner. D is even making jerk chicken this week with veggies. HA! I can't wait to see how that turns out. =p
Long story short, I am happy. Thrilled really. I am making progress and that is all I can ask of myself.
This is our last week of this session of bootcamp but I have 2 make up days next week so I'll be going to those and then probably to the gym w/ D the other days (maybe not, maybe I'll run and workout on my own). I will figure that all out as it draws closer.
Thank you all for reading and leaving comments, you know I love you!
xo,
K
Sidebar: If you have Comcast, call them and tell them THEY SUCK. But also, watch Thintervention on Bravo! It just started and although I think Jackie Warner's tummy looks disgusting...it's a GREAT show! Gives great tips on things you can eat etc. Who knew egg yolk was actually a calorie burner? I didn't! I've been cutting those mugs out of my eggs! Now I'll have two full eggs instead of 3 egg whites and 1 yolk.
Now I just wish Biggest Loser would start! I need some Jillian in my life!
Oh and a word from W on alcohol (which I'm banning anyway) but for those of you who can't give it up yet:
(Note: Weigh-In will happen at the end of this post)
I hope everyone had a FANTASTIC LONG Labor Day weekend and didn't forget what it is we actually were celebrating. I also hope you all kept away from all the fatty foods that come out during these days. I know I did. =)
I have a lot of ground to cover so let me start by discussing the weekend.
Over the past 3 days I did absolutely nothing. Okay, a little, but really not much. I spent time with D and his family (even got a workout in with his mom on Sunday!). I'm like a walking gym, she mentioned my blog and how proud she was of me and that she wished she could get up that early...one thing led to another and out to the car I went to get both of my yoga mats. Next thing D knew, me and his mom were running in place for 5 minutes and on the floor doing planks the next second!
It was fantastic! Not as intense as usual but it was weird for me to even have the energy to run out to the car to get a yoga mat. Duly noted in my mind. It is so important to note these small changes in myself. They are what drives me to keep going when I don't feel like I'm losing weight.
Which brings us to our next topic...I FINALLY NOTICE A DIFFERENCE! It's not much but it's something!
For as long as I have been fat I have wanted to get my collarbone back. Weird? Maybe! However, the collarbone, to me, represents femininity. I want to FEEL feminine and in order to do that, I need a collarbone (we all have our quirks-STOP JUDGING!). Well this weekend, as I looked in the mirror, smiling at myself, I noticed the first marks of a collarbone. In the place where my neck meets my collarbone there is a SLIGHT (albeit noticeable to me!) indention there. OMG!! It's working!! I about died. No, really...I almost fainted.
Then, during workout today my pants kept falling down! SO annoying but SO gratifying. Although I am not looking forward to all the money about to be doled out to spruce up this wardrobe. It's gonna have to wait til I'm at least down a few sizes.
Anyway, this entire weekend I felt like I wasn't doing anything. Yes, I went out grocery shopping, went to the beach, visited friends and D's family but overall, I felt lazy and I didn't really WANT to do any of it. After working out this morning, I realized WHY. Working out is an INTEGRAL part of my survival now. After only 3 weeks I now find my mood depends on that workout. I'm not sure if that is sad or good but it's almost like a drug. Eh, I have an addictive personality, I guess it could be lucky or horrid (cigarettes anyone?).
Over the past few years I've realized how much I DESPISE talking on the phone, this is so stupid, but now I'm in a better mood and I can talk and talk to T and not get bored! (Love you girl!). I also found that I want to judge people less (or more in some instances). I'm not so moody and critical of others, although I bet D would argue with me on that one. I just FEEL good. I can't stress it enough.
What you do with your life is YOUR business, but it ends up involving others when you're out and about and you move too slowly or you sit next to them on the train (Yes, I'm THAT girl). Or, as noted in our workout today, if there is an emergency and your family needs you, do you want to be panting because you can't get to your kids or loved ones fast enough? I do not want to be THAT girl.
I'm scared once I lose weight I'll start talking more ish about bigger people. It petrifies me. I think the reason I'm scared of that is because I feel like if I can do it, ANYONE can. I will say that over and over until it starts to sink in to anyone out there who wants to do it. IT IS SO TRUE. I am SO NOT athletic! However, I will be working to make sure that doesn't happen. I know it's wrong on SO many levels, sooooo I'll shut it. Especially because I'm still a big girl. =)
Okay, so now on to today's workout. Only 4 people in class today! Can you imagine? Today was a lower body day and W pushed and pushed harder. I love him for that! I came in last but for once, because of F, I didn't feel stupid. Everyone is so encouraging and it's just like one big love fest. My knees hurt, my thighs hurt, my core hurt!
And then it was onto something I LOVED and HATED all at the same time. A frisbee game that was designed to trick you! I totally went into this with my game face on (those that know me know I HATE to lose - FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION). We were on teams of two, with W as the ref, and we had to try to run and throw the frisbee ....eh, it's confusing. Whatevz. Long story short, we were constantly running. Whether it was to make a goal or to stop the other team from getting a goal. Bottom line? We totally lost but it had nothing to do with effort, it was that damn frisbee getting caught in the wind! Okay, and maybe a little bit of me not really being able to catch it at the right times lol.
Ahhhh, today is a good day! The sun is shining and I'm smiling!
Now for the weigh-in.
I lost 1.8 lbs this week. A lot of you may be discouraged with this. Don't be. I'm thrilled. 1.8lbs is 1.8lbs less than I was last week and honestly I'm shocked it is that much. I ate a lot of carbs I shouldn't have eaten (albeit healthy ones) last week. A lot of grain! This week I'm going to try to cut it down more. Plus, my body is gaining muscle. I'll be burning more calories with these muscles but they also weigh more. My body is going to go through ups and downs, I'm just SO GLAD I didn't gain.
I'm back on the wagon this week, less grains, more vegetables (I hate veggies). Grocery shopping was great this week as we were able to find a lot of really fresh fruit and veggies and a lot of good lookin fish for dinner. D is even making jerk chicken this week with veggies. HA! I can't wait to see how that turns out. =p
Long story short, I am happy. Thrilled really. I am making progress and that is all I can ask of myself.
This is our last week of this session of bootcamp but I have 2 make up days next week so I'll be going to those and then probably to the gym w/ D the other days (maybe not, maybe I'll run and workout on my own). I will figure that all out as it draws closer.
Thank you all for reading and leaving comments, you know I love you!
xo,
K
Sidebar: If you have Comcast, call them and tell them THEY SUCK. But also, watch Thintervention on Bravo! It just started and although I think Jackie Warner's tummy looks disgusting...it's a GREAT show! Gives great tips on things you can eat etc. Who knew egg yolk was actually a calorie burner? I didn't! I've been cutting those mugs out of my eggs! Now I'll have two full eggs instead of 3 egg whites and 1 yolk.
Now I just wish Biggest Loser would start! I need some Jillian in my life!
Oh and a word from W on alcohol (which I'm banning anyway) but for those of you who can't give it up yet:
The average margarita has 3x more calories (550) than a Cosmo and 4.5x more than a glass of wine! Lesser of two evils.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Labor Day - Weigh IN!!!
HAPPY LABOR DAY!
I am taking today off from blogging so I will be back tomorrow with a weigh-in at normal time. =)
Everyone enjoy your day off and stay away from fatty foods!
Love,
K
I am taking today off from blogging so I will be back tomorrow with a weigh-in at normal time. =)
Everyone enjoy your day off and stay away from fatty foods!
Love,
K
Friday, September 3, 2010
Let's GET IT IN!!!!!!
Hello all of my lovely readers and HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND!
I hope that everyone has Friday off and is enjoying their day, if not, then what better to do at work than read this here blog? Exactly. Nothing beats that!
Today was OFFICIALLY 3 weeks DOWN of bootcamp! I feel AMAZING, great, powerful and I'm positively GLOWING.
It's so weird for me. Seriously.
Today, my girl, Esq, drove up from Piscataway and attended bootcamp with me and it was truly a different experience for me. To have a friend there who is already in shape and athletic AND hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks? Amazing. Why you ask?
1. She told me she could definitely tell I lost weight. And believe me, Esq is a straight shooter. She doesn't bullshit.
2. Because she was totally worked out! She said it was INTENSE and was super proud of all I've accomplished.
I mean, I'm super proud too but it's nice to have someone come in and LIVE what you go through everyday of the week. TO have her approval and excitement over me finishing 3 weeks, well, it meant the world! And, today was a CORE day, I DESPISE core days. 3 weeks ago I couldn't have even told you which part of my body was core, I probably would have said "My back". Uh...yeah.
During the morning run, I ALMOST cheated. I was so frustrated with never coming in first or even close. You can have no idea how I feel until you've constantly came in last. Over and over and over again. It's almost like being picked last for a team in High School, only, in High School I was NEVER picked last. Ha!
Today both Esq and another girl from bootcamp, A, asked me why I get so upset about that. Esq said they aren't cheating anyone but themselves if they cheat and although it is true....I dunno. I can't honestly say why it bothers me. I probably need to work on that, that is definitely a personal problem. Now I have to figure out where it stems from.
All I know is that I HATE coming in last.
Needless to say, I finished the route as requested and came back to our instructor ready to go!
I am getting faster, I feel it! It's amazing, even if I can't run the full time, my endurance is building slowly but surely! I am really worried about the week off in between sessions but luckily I have at least one day (the rain day) to make up so that will be good.
Towards the end of our session W totally put me on the spot! He said if I could do high kicks (touching his hand as he stood in front of me) for the entire time, he would let everyone be out. I KNOW everyone was thinking "Oh great! Ask slow ass Kristin"! Guess who pushed through it?! ME! I totally pushed through it, even if I almost threw up after it was all said and done. I am just so proud of myself.
There is no feeling like the feeling of content I have in my heart for my mind body and soul. I'm not 100% yet, I'm not "skinny" yet, hell I'm not even a normal weight yet...BUT, I am HAPPY because I know there is a light!
Here is a picture of our FABULOUS group today! Well, a few of them with our instructor! =)
Love you girls!
Sorry it is so blurry and I'm also sorry for any typos or grammatical errors as I'm typing this straight from the heart and FAST!
With that said, I am off to enjoy my weekend and I hope you all enjoy yours as well!
xoxo,
K
Sidebar: Test yourself this weekend, try not to drink alcohol! Needless calories!
I hope that everyone has Friday off and is enjoying their day, if not, then what better to do at work than read this here blog? Exactly. Nothing beats that!
Today was OFFICIALLY 3 weeks DOWN of bootcamp! I feel AMAZING, great, powerful and I'm positively GLOWING.
It's so weird for me. Seriously.
Today, my girl, Esq, drove up from Piscataway and attended bootcamp with me and it was truly a different experience for me. To have a friend there who is already in shape and athletic AND hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks? Amazing. Why you ask?
1. She told me she could definitely tell I lost weight. And believe me, Esq is a straight shooter. She doesn't bullshit.
2. Because she was totally worked out! She said it was INTENSE and was super proud of all I've accomplished.
I mean, I'm super proud too but it's nice to have someone come in and LIVE what you go through everyday of the week. TO have her approval and excitement over me finishing 3 weeks, well, it meant the world! And, today was a CORE day, I DESPISE core days. 3 weeks ago I couldn't have even told you which part of my body was core, I probably would have said "My back". Uh...yeah.
During the morning run, I ALMOST cheated. I was so frustrated with never coming in first or even close. You can have no idea how I feel until you've constantly came in last. Over and over and over again. It's almost like being picked last for a team in High School, only, in High School I was NEVER picked last. Ha!
Today both Esq and another girl from bootcamp, A, asked me why I get so upset about that. Esq said they aren't cheating anyone but themselves if they cheat and although it is true....I dunno. I can't honestly say why it bothers me. I probably need to work on that, that is definitely a personal problem. Now I have to figure out where it stems from.
All I know is that I HATE coming in last.
Needless to say, I finished the route as requested and came back to our instructor ready to go!
I am getting faster, I feel it! It's amazing, even if I can't run the full time, my endurance is building slowly but surely! I am really worried about the week off in between sessions but luckily I have at least one day (the rain day) to make up so that will be good.
Towards the end of our session W totally put me on the spot! He said if I could do high kicks (touching his hand as he stood in front of me) for the entire time, he would let everyone be out. I KNOW everyone was thinking "Oh great! Ask slow ass Kristin"! Guess who pushed through it?! ME! I totally pushed through it, even if I almost threw up after it was all said and done. I am just so proud of myself.
There is no feeling like the feeling of content I have in my heart for my mind body and soul. I'm not 100% yet, I'm not "skinny" yet, hell I'm not even a normal weight yet...BUT, I am HAPPY because I know there is a light!
Here is a picture of our FABULOUS group today! Well, a few of them with our instructor! =)
Love you girls!
Sorry it is so blurry and I'm also sorry for any typos or grammatical errors as I'm typing this straight from the heart and FAST!
With that said, I am off to enjoy my weekend and I hope you all enjoy yours as well!
xoxo,
K
Sidebar: Test yourself this weekend, try not to drink alcohol! Needless calories!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Up & Down...
and back! Over and Over again. It was hell on earth. Do you have no clue what I am talking about?
Let me give you an idea:
STAIRS!!! Over and Over again. At one point I truly HATED our instructor. I thought he was the devil and as soon as those evil thoughts crept into my mind, here he comes up behind me saying we'll finish it together. And that, we did. It was FANTASTIC. I was wheezing, trying to get my heartbeat regulated and then he said something that really changed my perspective (at least in that moment).
He said my mind was taking over my body. I was letting my mind tell me what I COULD NOT do instead of letting my body show me what I COULD do.
Oh yes, I know, so cliche and maybe even obvious to some of you out there, but for me it was an eye-opener. From then on during our workout I just kept pushing through the pain, the fire and then something AMAZING happened. I felt that burn! You know the burn that Jessica Biel (HA!) talks about she loves from running? Damn, it DOES feel good! Yes, I was almost in tears, ready to throw up but DAMN! I repeat, it felt good.
So with that said, I am off. I had an extremely hard day and yes, I probably could have pushed myself harder at the beginning of class. However, I finished everything, and that's what counts right? I'm ALWAYS last (Okay well most times, I wouldn't be if people actually DID everything instead of skipping ish - which no one did today!) but it's then that my fathers words come to me: "It is not about who finishes first, it is about finishing and being proud of yourself for what you accomplished".
At this point, I've almost made it 3 weeks, doing something I NEVER thought I could do. You know why? I let my mind rule my body. Never Again.
When you wake up in the morning and don't feel like getting up to get that exercise in, and your mind is telling you to stay in bed. Listen to your body instead. Get up, Get out and DO something!
xoxo,
K
Sidebar: This adorable skinny ass tan ass blond came running up the stairs at one point and she smiled and we all just looked at her like "Bitch, please". LOL Jealousy is so not pretty.
Let me give you an idea:
STAIRS!!! Over and Over again. At one point I truly HATED our instructor. I thought he was the devil and as soon as those evil thoughts crept into my mind, here he comes up behind me saying we'll finish it together. And that, we did. It was FANTASTIC. I was wheezing, trying to get my heartbeat regulated and then he said something that really changed my perspective (at least in that moment).
He said my mind was taking over my body. I was letting my mind tell me what I COULD NOT do instead of letting my body show me what I COULD do.
Oh yes, I know, so cliche and maybe even obvious to some of you out there, but for me it was an eye-opener. From then on during our workout I just kept pushing through the pain, the fire and then something AMAZING happened. I felt that burn! You know the burn that Jessica Biel (HA!) talks about she loves from running? Damn, it DOES feel good! Yes, I was almost in tears, ready to throw up but DAMN! I repeat, it felt good.
So with that said, I am off. I had an extremely hard day and yes, I probably could have pushed myself harder at the beginning of class. However, I finished everything, and that's what counts right? I'm ALWAYS last (Okay well most times, I wouldn't be if people actually DID everything instead of skipping ish - which no one did today!) but it's then that my fathers words come to me: "It is not about who finishes first, it is about finishing and being proud of yourself for what you accomplished".
At this point, I've almost made it 3 weeks, doing something I NEVER thought I could do. You know why? I let my mind rule my body. Never Again.
When you wake up in the morning and don't feel like getting up to get that exercise in, and your mind is telling you to stay in bed. Listen to your body instead. Get up, Get out and DO something!
xoxo,
K
Sidebar: This adorable skinny ass tan ass blond came running up the stairs at one point and she smiled and we all just looked at her like "Bitch, please". LOL Jealousy is so not pretty.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Living Free
Hey Everyone!
Today's blog has to be short and sweet. I'll just tell you, today was a FANTASTIC workout!
As we get further along in the session, W begins to push us harder and harder.
Today there were 11 different stations, consisting of everything from jump squats, step ups, supermans, lifting, sit ups...ugh the list goes on and on! We had to do each of these twice for a minute each and my GOODNESS I'm dead!
I did get upset in the morning because during the warm up (running) a girl came late. I can't lie, I was happy, I just knew at least I could beat her! HAHA, however she began cheating! She cut down different blocks and really shortened her run. I refused to do it because I wanted to make sure I got the most out of the workout. It was then that I realized how far I'd come. I used to do an alternate route too in the beginning. Not anymore. It felt good, but was still mad annoying.
Anyway, I feel GREAT. I sweat and I pushed myself and I can't wait for tomorrow's session! To give you an idea of what it looks like where we work out, here's a picture:
Imagine the breeze from the water hitting you as the sun is BEATING down on your face and back. It's both hell and heaven at the same time!
Alright folks, that's all from me today!
Love you all!!! And STOP with the emails! Please comment here! THANK YOU!
-K
Sidebar: HAPPY SEPTEMBER! My birthday is on the 13th. The session ends on the 10th (we begin a new one on the 20th) so I'm hoping to lose 20lbs by then. I know that is a HUGE jump but I'm still praying for it! Wish me luck!
Today's blog has to be short and sweet. I'll just tell you, today was a FANTASTIC workout!
As we get further along in the session, W begins to push us harder and harder.
Today there were 11 different stations, consisting of everything from jump squats, step ups, supermans, lifting, sit ups...ugh the list goes on and on! We had to do each of these twice for a minute each and my GOODNESS I'm dead!
I did get upset in the morning because during the warm up (running) a girl came late. I can't lie, I was happy, I just knew at least I could beat her! HAHA, however she began cheating! She cut down different blocks and really shortened her run. I refused to do it because I wanted to make sure I got the most out of the workout. It was then that I realized how far I'd come. I used to do an alternate route too in the beginning. Not anymore. It felt good, but was still mad annoying.
Anyway, I feel GREAT. I sweat and I pushed myself and I can't wait for tomorrow's session! To give you an idea of what it looks like where we work out, here's a picture:
Imagine the breeze from the water hitting you as the sun is BEATING down on your face and back. It's both hell and heaven at the same time!
Alright folks, that's all from me today!
Love you all!!! And STOP with the emails! Please comment here! THANK YOU!
-K
Sidebar: HAPPY SEPTEMBER! My birthday is on the 13th. The session ends on the 10th (we begin a new one on the 20th) so I'm hoping to lose 20lbs by then. I know that is a HUGE jump but I'm still praying for it! Wish me luck!
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