Such strong words. I judge, I'm working on not doing that so much. But the person I judge the most is myself. I can be so hard on ME sometimes I just want to smack myself!
Boot camp today was ROUGH. A lot of cardio. I mean back to back to back exercises in these quick spurts and a lot of running. As time was winding down all of a sudden W said we were going to do two laps around the track. This wouldn't have been a big deal at the BEGINNING of class, but it was the end and I was truly pushing myself today, so I was wiped. He THEN said that we had 6 minutes to complete this.
Okay, seems like a lot of time right? Well...I was watching the Biggest Loser the other day and I just knew I couldn't do it. I mean in my heart of hearts I know that I am a smoker and I don't want to quit. Well, I want to, but I don't feel I'm ready to completely give it up. However, that is changing a LOT and mostly because of boot camp. My endurance isn't what it used to be (before smoking). I know that if I gave up smoking, within one month I would be running laps around without stopping to walk.
Needless to say...I almost broke down and cried when he said that. I told him too. I completely let him know that I felt he was setting me up for failure. Sometimes his face screws up and you can see the tension and that he probably wants to slap me lol but he just said go and do it. So I did.
I came in last (big shocker) but I did it. I actually ran the last lap faster than the first because of the girls cheering me on. It felt extremely good. It's that rare feeling I get when I push through the burn. Today I definitely rated myself a 5 out of 5 for effort. I can't explain the feeling that I got (besides being out of breath) but it was a good one.
Anytime someone partners with me, I always apologize to them. I somehow figure in that moment they wish they were with someone else. I don't know why, I'm a pretty funny/cool/amazing individual but in that moment I just think about how weak I am.
W put us in pairs to do an obstacle course. For the first time EVER my team came in first. Not by much, and really it isn't a competition but I'm going to be happy for that one moment and then never again will I make it a competition in my head. I pushed and pushed and did it. Exhausted isn't even the word.
Oddly enough though, I am full of energy (okay maybe not oddly enough, that's what exercise does, right?). I am ready to take on the world. I honestly don't think a pack of wild wolves could outrun me today.
Wrapping it up...I really do need to quit smoking, probably sooner than I originally thought. I know it is going to continue to bother me as I get further and further along in this process and hopefully that will be the driving force of my motivation to quit.