This blog is dedicated to one of the sweetest guys I ever met. CM. You are missed and loved more than you could have ever possibly known.
It is with a heavy heart that I type this. I just woke up (for good). I woke up feeling nauseous and sick to my stomach (same thing?). I couldn't find the strength to even get out of bed. So, needless to say, my sickness kept me from bootcamp today for the first time!
Thinking of CM makes me reflect upon all those who we may have lost contact with and never realized how much of an impact they had on our life. CM ended his own life and at such a young age. You can never fully know how sad someone is inside. I feel like, if I hadn't made this change in my life...that could have been me in a few years.
I was soooo unhappy with my body that I would literally stay at home rather than go out. I would miss friends birthday parties, and if I went, I would make sure they took pictures from the chest UP. THEN I would ask to see them and delete any where a hint of my double chin showed. I lost contact with a lot of people I loved either 1. because I was too lazy to go see them or 2. because I was too embarrassed for them to see me like that. It got to the point where I was the fat girl making comments about being fat and those jokes were funny...or I thought, but mostly I think my friends were giving me nervous laughter. I was the fat girl who could make fun of herself but inside I was dying.
If you find yourself making fun of your body...CHANGE IT!
Don't let this happen to you. Prove to yourself that you can get up and conquer your fears, whatever they may be. The great thing about having body issues is...YOU CAN CHANGE THEM WITHOUT SURGERY! (I am not one for surgery, unless it is like a breast lift or something). God created us all equal but being healthy is both a mental state and a physical state. Working out helps me both mentally (I don't mind going out even though I'm still big!) and physically (I can actually get my lazy ass up to go out)!
Anyway, all of that aside, after speaking to F on FB and finding out she was the only one in bootcamp today, I felt HORRIBLE. I then got up, turned on my tv and started looking for a workout I could do in our apartment.
I found a Jackie Warner full circuit workout and did every move for 35 minutes. I was sweating and in pain and my head is still throbbing from being sick but I feel better! CRAZY!
I'm so proud of myself. Maybe that is weird. I missed bootcamp but I still got up and worked out...and I did it on my OWN!!!
Full circuit workouts are the BEST! You feel your entire body tingling afterward. I still like working out at boot camp better (people actually talk back to me there)! I can't wait for tomorrow's session. I plan on pushing myself harder than ever before.
Alas, I must go relax.
Love you all!!!
ps. TOMORROW IS PICTURE DAY!!!! Nervous as all get out but eh...we'll see!
sidebar: New song by Willow Smith (first I guess)...AMAZINGNESS!! Wanted to hate, but can't even....
Whip My Hair - Willow Smith YES that is Will Smith and Jada's daughter! Give me one more month and I promise you I will be in some club (okay maybe lounge) Whippin my hair back and forth...