We're Playing BAS-KET-BALL...

Kurtis Blow - Basketball

So, this is gonna be short and sweet. Basketball is my favorite sport, I like the way they dribble up and down the court.

Kurtis Blow knew what he was talking about!

The past two days of boot camp have been AMAZING. I have pushed myself HARD in preparation of both the Holiday feasts about to be eaten and also just because...I'm COMPETING! I love it. I can't help it.

I have SO much to say but honestly I have way too much to do. My mother will be here tomorrow morning. One more day of boot camp left before the break. A bunch of the girls are going to get together and do some Zumba and basketball (which we all learned that we LOVE in BC) over the break so it should be a good time! I know I am going to have to get some extra work outs in...it will be trying but ...I can't lose what I've come so far to gain! =) Or is it ...I can't gain when I've come so far to lose? Eh, either way, you get the point!

Sidebar: I MADE MY CHRISTMAS GOAL! I actually made it yesterday but I'm not going to update until my official weigh-in day of Monday because honestly? I think I may gain over the weekend. Well no I don't. I trust myself but my weigh-in day is specific and it needs to stay that way. I'll be happy to just maintain!

Studies say that everyone gains 5-15 lbs between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve....ummm I am SO not going to be part of that statistic...Let's keep it moving guys! HEALTHY INTO THE NEW YEAR!!!

Feels SOOOO GOOD!

On a side note: I wanna say congrats to my girl Ro - you are doing amazing! Keep up the hard work, it is paying off for your health in the long run and I am just SO proud of you man!

Also, to all of you who read my blog...may your Christmas's be BRIGHT as all get out and may you enjoy your time with family and friends and LOVE. During this time of year, gifts mean nothing to me. Just love. And it's so weird because when I was little I used to screammmmmmmm at my mom (def not my dad haha) and stomp to my room when I didn't get what I wanted or ENOUGH of what I wanted. I was such a freaking brat! Anyway, the moral of this story is, you can grow and change. Today I love nothing more than giving and watching people's expressions. I love my family beyond belief. I seriously...I can't even put it into words...everything I do (including this blog and losing weight) is FOR them and BECAUSE of them. I adore them. Sooooooooooo

I hope you share LOVE, LAUGHTER and TIME with your family this season. RELISH it, you never know when it is time to say goodbye.

May God Bless you alllllllllllllll!


xo,
K

ps. if you haven't bought Mariah Carey's Merry Christmas II You CD yet ..umm what the heck are you waiting for?! You need to start playing it NOW, or come to my hood and I'm sure you'll see me somewhere with the windows rolled down BLARING it for the world to hear!!

I Can NOT Tell a Lie

This is going to be very short and sweet.

Yes I went to boot camp this morning. No I did not end up going last night, that is why you should always work out in the morning! You never know what your day is going to turn into!

and lastly...I cannot tell a lie. I am petrified of what this Christmas season is going to bring. Food upon more food and I do NOT want to gain. I think I'll be satisfied if I just maintain. I can say all I want that I'm going to work out 20-30 minutes a day on my own but without boot camp to hold me accountable...I'm not sure I've reached that level yet. I mean, my MOM is coming! We have so much to do...and she's bringing my favorite pizza EVER..not to mention my favorite sandwich EVER. UGH

I am scared. However, I do not drink alcohol anymore, I don't even want to. I drink only water and milk for protein and I know that eating in moderation is key. I also know that it is okay to indulge as long as I hold myself accountable and make sure there is a good mix of healthy stuff in there too. I am going to take these three things and try my hardest to make it through until this season is gone!

xo,
K

Monday Week 18 Weigh-In!

Good Morning!!!

I have a confession to make. I totally did not go to boot camp this morning and instead I'm opting for the 7pm class tonight. I still gotta go and get the work out, I just needed SLEEP this morning. No excuses, back in it tonight at 7pm and then up tomorrow morning at 5:30am to do it all over again!

My mom comes into town Friday and I am SUPER stoked. It's going to be a wonderful Christmas! She will be the first in my family (besides D and his fam) to see the "new" me in person! 43lbs lighter!

That's right! This week I dropped 3.2lbs! That is what happens when you go to boot camp EVERY DAY of the week and eat right! I had NO slip ups last week.

I am hoping to get down to my Christmas goal weight by Saturday. I am literally 1.4lbs away from it, so wish me luck!

Moving on...I am scared about the feasts and treats this season. So far, SO good. However, I gotta remember, ALL in moderation and truly, ANY loss is a GOOD loss.

Until tomorrow,

K

ps. Ice skating Saturday was awesome! I almost began to cry as soon as I stepped foot on the ice because I just didn't FEEL like I could do it. I felt awkward and unsteady and I just kept psyching myself out. Thinking I would fall...knowing I would fall so I told F that I couldn't do it and turned to go. Of course she says, "Just go around once, hold on to the edges, just to say you did it". So I do this and once again I decide to keep going. Ended up going around about a total of 5x and helping a little girl get around too.

I am going to KEEP pushing myself to do things that make me uncomfortable because I CAN do things that I never thought I could, or that I always said I would. The greatest part is knowing that even outside of boot camp, the girls from it, especially F! motivate me and continue to show me how completely awesome I am. =)

New Year! New You!! YAY!!!

Hello Everyone!

So let me first apologize for not updating since Tuesday! I would like to put all fears to rest, YES! I went to boot camp every day this week! Busted my ass so bad I sprained a muscle but still went and worked out. Feels GREAT. My leg is feeling a bit better today.

We had a boxing day today and I think I'm finally getting the hang of it, after W took some one on one time with me today to explain a few things. I have a hard time with balance and I've been working on my core strength a lot to build that up.

Soooo here's the rub! This week is the week our 8 week Challenge Kick-off was announced! How excited am I? Pretty damn excited! It all begins January 8th 2011!


Not only will there be a 1st, 2nd and 3rd prize winner (with awesome prizes) but he is also doing superlatives. Ya'll KNOW I love superlatives, well if you didn't know, now ya know!


The greatest part about the entire program he is creating for the new year 8 week New Year New You Challenge is the fact that it is going to push me to my limit. I am a competitive person by nature and now that I believe in myself, I TRUST I am going to win or place 1st or 2nd. (If I place 3rd I'll be okay too). See, I say this, and then if I don't place I'll have to back down. LOL Oh well!


F and I already have a breakfast date set up for tomorrow to discuss our game plan! HAHA, we are going to rock it. Or at least try really hard. The worse that can happen is we don't win but yet we still lose weight and gain muscle!


For more info on the 8 week challenge, ESPECIALLY for all you Jersey City/NYC ladies, check it out here: New Year! New You!

With that said, I am off to enjoy my weekend!

Doing a bit of breakfast in the morning with F and then we are heading to ice skate. Should be interesting seeing as how I haven't ice skated since I was what? 12? Hence the reason we are going EARLY. Hopefully the ice won't be packed. It will be a nice work out for my legs too. =)

On a side note, today looking in the mirror at boxing, I noticed I am FINALLY getting what resembles a butt. It may be small but at least it is shaping...I can't wait to see what a year in boot camp will do to it. I cannot BELIEVE it is about to be 2011!! Insane! I'm SO glad I started cultivating my beach body before the summer. =)

I won't have a six pack by THIS summer, but I should be at goal weight by this summer and then it will be time to start working on complete toning and a six pack for 2012!!

xo,
K

Week 17 - Weigh-In!

Hello lovely people!

So upon returning from boot camp I was feeling GOOD. Played a lil Fabulous "Girl you be killin em, you be killen em" and pumped myself up in this horrid weather!

I couldn't believe it when I walked out to my car and saw the snow covering the windows. The old me would have turned right back around and gone inside to go back to sleep. The new me knew I had to go to boot camp. My healthy lifestyle isn't going to happen on it's own so I went! Had a great work out and now I'm here to tell you my weigh-in!

It is OFFICIAL!!! I lost 1.2lbs for a total loss of 40lbs in 17 weeks! In 3 1/2 months I have lost 40lbs. I can tell that the more weight I lose, the harder it is getting to get those big numbers so I a overall pleased with this past weeks loss.

This blog is gonna be a short one. Promise I'll write more tomorrow! Including the smoking blog I've been talking about!

xo,
K

Friday - Boxing! Ummm...Can I Just Pull Hair Instead?

Hello my lovely readers!

It is Friday and I hope you guys are ready for a fun filled weekend full of ...well, whatever it is you like to do on your weekends! I for one let my body rest and spend time with the man but this weekend we have a game show audition...Yes really. We always talk shit when watching this particular show, you know the typical "Oh wtf!!! We could SO do that!" or "Once we reach 50G's LEAVE, they are SO STUPID to keep going!" Anyway, I decided I feel confident enough in my endurance and fitness level (and the way I would look) to try out. D actually agreed to audition with me! He has high doubts that we'll make it but ya'll know me, I don't doubt myself. If we do, GREAT...I'm seriously getting to 50k and stopping...if we don't...Oh well! I work in TV so I'm not jaded. I know how it works!

Moving on, today was a boxing day and can I just state for the record, I HATE BOXING! I would rather just pull someone's hair and bite the fuck out of them until they are reaching to stop me from biting and then slam their head in the ground. I know, harsh...but I mean REALLY?! All of that punching wears me out. Hopefully I can get my arms in tip top shape so that I don't find punching such a chore. My jaw on the other hand has plenty of strength (from eating?) and I'm guessing I could bite someone for hours if they messed with me. =) Laugh, I'm joking! (sort of)

Anyway, we were all discussing how crazy we look in boot camp. I wish you could see us. Hair not combed, just water brushed over our faces, sweaty, no make up...just hot messes. I actually think we all look pretty good for getting up at 5:30am and running all around and punching out bags (and each other). It is funny to see us all dressed up though. That is why I love our mixers. One night we get to get all dressed up and see each other as normal beings and not super mutants. =)

Yesterday one of the girls from BC, F, sent me a GREAT link! It is all about how much endurance or muscle strength you lose if you stop working out. So, say you gained 50% of muscle strength while working out for 2 months. If you stop exercising, you'll lose 50% of the muscle you gained in 2 months or less. Stop for 4 months and you'll lose ALL of it. Crazy right? Check out this link: Fitness Bandwagon . It really is a GREAT read. I recommend reading it while eating your lunch. Maybe you'll wanna get up afterward and do some stand up-kick outs (Do em for me, I despise them with a passion!).

I found some other great articles on smokers who exercise and will definitely touch on that next week as that is a subject that deserves it's own blog. If you smoke and exercise...well let's just say that blog will be for you...and me!

I also received the most AMAZING e-mail ever this morning. A woman, L, who used to be in our 6:45am session (and now goes to 5:45am) e-mailed me to say she was up this morning and reading my blog. She said the day that I came to boot camp and (i wrote about this) F grabbed my hand to pull me along and she called out my name and told me to keep going and I DID, that was the day she realized boot camp wasn't just about being in shape...well wait, her exact words were "not just for the great workouts, but for the unsolicited support of women going through the same thing you are". That right there sums it up for me.

When it happened, F thought I would think she was too overbearing. L didn't know me from any other person on the street. I was a complete stranger to these women and yet they saw me struggling and THEY alone made me want to push forward. If complete strangers believe in you...you can believe in yourself. Trust.

and with that...I'm off!

Love you guys all SO MUCH. And if any of you are in the Jersey City area and want to try out our boot camp for free, next week is bring a friend week! I'd love to be your host and bring ya in to try it out! Make those New Year resolutions NOW and STICK WITH THEM!

xo,
K


Sidebar: My testimonial went up on the boot camp website yesterday! Check it out here: Boot Camp Testimonial. I am the second one down. Although I am not at goal yet, I plan on getting there =) and once there I will definitely do an updated testimonial. I cannot testify enough! haha.

love ya!

I'm So Beautiful and He Tells Me Everyday!

Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

So apparently, I'm amazing just the way I am. =) That's kind of an awesome feeling to know that. Well...at least to D. He's seriously my heart and soul. Except...something happened a few weeks ago that really changed the way I view my life.

When I first started this journey yeah yeah, it was totally to "get healthy", "be skinny" "look good for my man" all that jazz but now, it is SO much more. A few weeks ago I realized I truly AM NOT doing this for ANYONE. Not D, not my family...NO ONE. I'm doing it for myself. When I see the way my body is shaping up, muscles sticking out that have never seen the light of day...those things are FOR ME. I'm probably the only one in the world who notices them. I mean, I literally was just sitting at my desk touching my arm and I could feel...dare I say it? A muscle. Yes it is there! Even if all you see is fat, all I see and feel is muscle!

Anyway, with that said, I would just like to state for the record, unequivocally...I am doing this for ME. I am LOVING getting in shape. I am dying to see what my body looks like when my fat percentage is normal. For the first time since starting boot camp, I truly believe what our trainer always says.."Everyone has a six pack underneath the fat". I just gotta get past all this fat to get to it...I know it is shaping up nicely with all of the work I am putting in. =)

Moving on to class today! It was a great day. It was totally hard to get out of bed but I tried to remind myself of how I feel AFTER class. What I forgot to remind myself of, is how freaking AWESOME all of the girls in the class are. I made a new mix for class (hello Mariah Carey Xmas music & Cee Lo!) and between singing our favorite verses (ps - if we can sing and exercise, we can keep pushing) and chatting it up, we exercised. A lot. Today was a pretty simple day, if boot camp can ever be considered simple. I mean, I think after Tuesdays work out, nothing can phase us for awhile.

Being with the girls of the 6:45am BC session reminds me of being a kid. High School days when you are in class doing your work but also chatting it up in between taking notes and just having a ball. Every day that I pull up to the gym, I am excited to get out and make sure my girls are there! I don't think I've ever mentioned A before. She wasn't in the cycle I started in but she has been in the last two and I'm really glad! (Hi A! I know you're reading this!) Anyway, if I miss a day she makes sure to call me out on Facebook and vice versa. It's just good people and good people are good for the soul!


Long story short, if you're questioning whether or not you should go work out, do it. Groups are always better than personal trainers. Not only do you get to meet amazing people but it is TEN times more fun!

Working out does not have to be boring. =)


sidebar: Today was a lot of free weight lifting and a few core workouts and some cardio! Did I mention my muscles? ha!


Tomorrow I'll try to be a bit more structured with the blog and name a study or two but don't kill me if I happen to want to just type whatever is on my brain.

This whole experience is so life changing. Truly. I wish you all could share with me what I feel inside. An overwhelming sense of ....purpose.

xo,
K

I NEEDED That!

Hello readers!

If you're anything like me, then getting up this morning was an extreme effort. I actually laid there for about 15 minutes going over the pros and cons of getting up to go to boot camp or just waiting until work. I literally debated myself! Finally, I reluctantly rolled out of bed and got ready to go. The colder it gets, the longer it takes to warm the car up. Joy. =/

When I walked into that gym today the previous session (those girls are INSANE, they work out at 5:45am, Kill me NOW) were doing their stretches. I had NO idea what was about to happen to me. Hardest.Day.In.Awhile!

I TRULY don't think ANYONE can appreciate the workouts that W puts us through unless they experience it for themselves. It's not your average, hey let's go to the gym, do 10 minutes on the treadmill, lift weights for a bit etc etc. It's back to back, non stop, excruciatingly HARD exercises no one could think up. I am AMAZED by it all sometimes. Even seeing it before I started, I had NO idea it would be so intense until I partook in it myself.  Every last one of the ladies I work out with deserve a freaking award.

Because we have now moved indoors for winter there isn't a limitless amount of space. We are now confined to a gym (which I happen to appreciate) and so for cardio we usually warm up with laps around the gym and suicides and then focus on free weights, squats, you know the gamete of exercises...basically anything and everything you can think of and THEN some (that trainer of ours has a very creative mind)! For weeks I've been noticing I am getting faster...I sometimes hold back because it just doesn't feel right to be in front of everyone. I don't know...that's something I'm working on.

Anyway, when we do the running by the end of it I am GASPING for air, why? Because my lungs are black! I smoke! I'm insane! Who smokes at this age that is a grown ass adult?! UGH! I care about my face sooo much! I mean seriously, you should see my nightly routine of cleansing, toner, moisturizer...D thinks it cute =) Yet, I'm a walking oxymoron. Smoker who cares about her skin. Obvz not because wrinkles are going to pop up soon and EVERYWHERE! Boo!

Ah, sorry went off on a bit of a tangent. Back to boot camp. So, when I walked in I didn't know what to expect. You guessed it, CARDIO! It was nothing but straight cardio today with one little break to work out our core. IF you call that a break. We ran around that gym in all kinds of zig-zags and suicides and ugh! I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

After it was all FINALLY said and done, our trainer, W, said he doesn't think he's EVER seen a group work out that hard inside. We pushed it! We did so well he came around and gave everyone a high five LOL - TWICE! That was cool. To know we all got through something - TOGETHER. It truly felt like we were at war and were running for our lives at times LOL. I wish I could tape some of this stuff! I think I'm going to see what he thinks about having D come one day and tape us. I really want to document this journey, if for nothing else, myself.


Doing cardio today reminded me that ONE kind of exercise isn't going to get you at the fitness level I want to be at. I don't want to be JUST muscles or JUST strength or JUST have endurance. I want it all. You can have the biggest muscles in the world but not be able to run, swim or jump as fast as me. I want to tone and be fast and be able to LAST. I can accomplish the first two in time easily but the last one...I have to stop smoking if I'm going to accomplish it.


All of that cardio made me look up what it stands for and the history of it on wiki. I wanted to know who discovered it and what it does..if you're up for a good read, check out: Cardio - Aerobic Exercise Wikipedia. It's definitely an interesting read. At least to me!

Anyway, I'm off to get the rest of my day in! Did I mention, I'm SO glad I got up this morning! =)

I LOVE how I feel. =)

I Told You Give Me a Minute & I'll be Right Back... PLUS WEIGH-IN

Beyonce - Diva - This song ALWAYS gets me pumped and I tend to imagine myself singing it about weight loss and how far I've gotten rather than about selling records. =) I'm a dork.

If I ever get complacent and start to feel myself TOO MUCH, there is nothing like a quick dose of reality to put me in my place. Every month when I do my before/after pictures I see how far I've come and yet how far I have to go.

Today at boot camp I was going off about 2 hours of sleep. Exhausted, I climbed out of bed and into the cold brisk dark morning and headed to boot camp. Albeit reluctantly. It's crazy, when I'm there I'm in love. I love the girls, I love the work outs. I love pushing myself...I love to see if I can do the "challenge by choices" (These are exercises that he gives but then adds something special, like standing on one foot while doing it) and then if I can, I just am filled with overwhelming pride.

Sometimes, I get so discouraged and angry at myself if I can't do something. All it takes is a quick reminder through my blog to remind me what my first week at boot camp was like. I couldn't even BREATHE let alone finish any exercise. The great thing about BC? None of that mattered then and it doesn't matter now. I am only in contest with myself and seeing how far I've come is truly a testament to that age old saying "If I can do it, anyone can". I guarantee I could run laps around just about anyone out there. At least for ten minutes =) Ha!

It's crazy because I know I am SO hard on myself and it's only been 16 weeks! I see how far I've come but for some reason I want it all and I want it now! Luckily my head game is smarter than my heart game because I know that losing weight at an unhealthy pace is not safe for me or for my skin! So, I push all that aside and keep trucking along. Some days are great, some days are HARD, some days I don't succeed at all but overall, I am striving and that is all I can ask for.

Well it's the time you've all been waiting for! Weigh-In for week 16!

I lost 2.2lbs this week bringing my total up to 38lbs lost EXACTLY! I am thrilled with this however I wish I could just break 40lbs! Once I'm at 40lbs I will be at the halfway point and I honestly NEED that. I wonder where all of the fat went because when I look at my before and after photos...I dunno. It just reaffirms that I still have a ways to go! The goal is to get there by May 2011 but we shall see.

Okay, so picture time! Here is a picture of me BEFORE starting my journey:

Before 

This picture was taken 3 weeks after the start of boot camp. So I had lost over 10lbs by this point:

Sept 10th 2010

Sept 10th 2010

Now here are the pictures I took this morning...YES! In the same exact shirt! I think that is where I can tell the biggest difference. The arms are looser and the stomach area is looser. It looks like a completely different shirt.

December 6th 2010

December 6th 2010

And just for the heck of it, Here is a picture from this past weekend in a tighter shirt and NOT after just having sweat out my hair working out:

It's hard looking at these photos but it is definitely a reality check. If I thought I had come far, I am correct. That shirt is hanging completely off of me (which I should probably fix and get some tighter shirts in order to properly track the loss). It doesn't hug my curves or show off my shape at all! BUT it does help me see that I have to keep on pushing! 42lbs (maybe more) to go and a lot of toning needed!

Thank you for checking in and as always, your comments are MUCH appreciated! I need all the encouragement I can get. =) Hence the reason, I don't mind sharing this on Facebook with my over 600+ "friends". Who else in the WORLD would have the cojones to do that?! Eh, I'm KG bitches. I do me.

xo,
K

Don't Hate Me Cause I'm Beautiful

Keri Hilson - Pretty Girl Rock - You should really play this song while reading my blog. No, seriously.

Good mornTING!!!

As many of you read in a previous blog, I've been having issues with a friend or two, whom since I've lost weight have suddenly gained shitty attitudes. These are bigger girls and I just WISH they'd see themselves in the same light as I ONCE saw them. Needless to say, they've been CUT! I just have no time to waste on people with shitty attitudes or a jealousy streak these days.Word.

So this blog is basically dedicated to ME! If you don't love yourself, who will?

But first, I will tell you...boot camp today was HARSH! My legs are like jelly mixed with peanut butter, stiff yet wobbly. They are so fucked ha!..but it feels SO GOOD! Ugh, I can't even believe the level of energy I have been putting in every single time. Today our trainer told us about a Jan-March challenge he has coming up, UM I AM SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED! More on that when the time draws near. =)  Today was a LOT LOT LOT of leg exercises while using free weights. Cardio and suicides (that I could've died during) and then MORE legs and glute exercises. If my ass isn't completely firm after another year of this I think I'll die.

Moving on...

I haven't been SKINNY since a non eating year in college when I was interning 20+ hours a week, working 30+ hours and taking 21 credits...oh and living on ramen and vodka! (still made cum laude that semester too!).

Sooo today... I feel good. I feel like I could work out everyday. I feel PRETTY!!! (It does help that my boyfriend tells me every day a million times how beautiful I am, but no, I sorta always knew it, I just lost my face in fat!). In the words of LL Cool J..."Even when I'm bragging, I'm being sincere". I think knowing you're beautiful is a powerful thing. If you feel wonderful outside, you're going to reflect that inside and to the rest of the world in other positive ways. Call it cocky, whatevz. The more I lose, the prettier I get. Can't help it. It's not my fault. By the time I'm at goal weight AND completely toned, no one will be able to penetrate my skin. It's already hard, but by then? I seriously doubt anything in the world could bother me.

I guess that makes me one of the lucky ones. My parents never called me fat. They never said I was ugly. In fact all I ever heard was how perfect I was and how I could do anything I ever set my mind to. (Boy did they get that right!). So I've never really had self esteem issues. Other issues? Sure. But the self esteem issues came ONLY when I was overweight. Sure, like any High School girl I would say things like "Ugh, I am fat!" but truthfully only because I heard others say it did I join in. I rocked whatever the hell I wanted and never felt ugly. Today at boot camp we were speaking about superlatives. HELLO! I was voted most individualistic for a reason!

15 years old with a lip piercing in small town Illinois!

Umm someone shoulda just said NO

High School!

Somewhere between college and adult-hood I became obsessed with work. I lost my flair for fashion (I grew up in the midwest, my biggest influence was the spice girls and wearing bindis/jewels all over my face and arms - Totally the only one in my school who did this - so weird!) and instead partied ALL of the time, blew money, worked and LIVED! I don't regret it AT ALL, but I do see what I would do differently if I had a second chance.

Yes yes, this blog may seem self appreciating. I guess in a sense it is. I FEEL GOOD. Working out makes me feel GREAT. Like I accomplished something that ONLY I could accomplish, because only I can make ME get out, get up and DO SOMETHING about my current health.

Remember, we are ALL beautiful. Every last one of us. Women have an inner power ALWAYS, take that to your outside as well and KNOW you are beautiful. 

So in closing..."Get yourself together, don't hate. Jealousy is the ugliest trait. I can talk about it cause I know that I'm pretty and if you know it too then ladies sing it with me! No question that this girls a ten, don't hate me cause I'm beautiful. It's not my fault so please don't trip. Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful".


If that's not motivation...I don't know WHAT is.

xo,
K

ps. I promise tomorrow won't be so self loving =) It's boxing day at boot camp! YAY!!

Are Those MY Legs?!

Hello readers!

Just got in from boot camp and whew! He said it was a "light" day but try telling that to my thighs and stomach muscles! The pain (NO PAIN NO GAIN!) yesterday was so bad that I had D check my entire body to look for bruises. I felt like my muscles had cracked! Well, it was BRILLIANT and IS brilliant! No matter if it is a "light" day or a "hard" day...the beauty of boot camp is, YOU are your own boss. You can choose to go through the motions or you can choose to push yourself as hard as possible.

I have a new method that has worked wonders for me to continue to break through my walls and push through the pain. I go and go and go, whether it is the ladder, push ups, tap downs, free weights, WHATEVER IT IS, I go until I feel like I'm going to throw up and I try to go FAST. Once I feel like throwing up I opt out, count to five and if I STILL feel like throwing up, I count to twenty outside and then go back in and start all over again with a new gusto. Usually after counting to 5 I am totally fine and can start again quickly. However, about twice during class I go out and count to 20 and then go back in. I'm hoping by the end of of this cycle I'll only be going out once during class. =)

As weird as it sounds, I try to feel like passing out or throwing up during each exercise lol. I figure if I'm not panting, sweating and FEELING something in every fiber of my being, I'm not doing shit. And why the hell would I pay to get a work out if I'm not going to put in the work?!

So, last night while looking at my body for bruises (Ha!) I had my leg up and was turning it...all of a sudden I saw...wait for it....MUSCLE! It was INSANE!!! D then caught me flexing in the mirror all night. I couldn't help it...I was so amazed at how my body is transforming. If my stomach wants to be the last to go, that's fine. The stubborn thing can stay round and protruding but my sides are going down and my legs are slimming and dare I say it? THEY ARE TONING! Crazy talk! If my stomach doesn't get into gear quickly it's gonna be very sad when the rest of my body is getting shown off and it is stuck underneath empire waists and sweaters!

You know, in the winter time it is all about jeans and boots and sweaters so I really hadn't paid too much attention to my legs. Except to note the fact that I can officially fit into EVERY PAIR of boots I try on and have room to spare!

They say the stomach is the last thing to go when losing weight. That's fine with me. I think I can deal with it. I'm working out NOW so that when it finally decides to go, there is a six pack underneath there waiting to shine. I know, I know, it could take a full year for that to show through. I have to lose EVERY OUNCE of fat on my body in order to show a six pack. I'm down for the challenge.

Once I am officially at goal weight then it will only be a matter of toning and tightening up my skin along with losing any additional body fat. That will be a whole other challenge (along with weight maintenance). I'm totally looking forward to it.

I don't understand people who try to lose weight without working out. I'm sorry. I don't. Sooo you wanna be skinny fat? That's so gross. Yes, I'm judging. Whatever! Why do all that hard work of eating correctly etc OH and saying "I am trying to change my lifestyle to be healthy". Well, I'm sorry to inform you but part of your health involves working out. If you can't run a mile, I'm gon' need you to try.

See? This is why I have gone on this mission. I cannot have these thoughts and not live by my own rules I set forth. I don't want to live my life being a hypocrite.

Anyway, I'm off!

Next week will be new pictures so I'm hoping to slim down significantly this week. Maybe 3 pounds? Maybe 4? What you guys don't know is my exact weight. I've never said it before...not sure I will ever but maybe. If I lose 4 pounds I will have crossed a thresh hold in my weight. 1. It will be my first goal weights halfway point 2. I will have lost more than 40lbs. 3. I will be out of the 1?0's. =) and moving into a new set of 10's!

Holla!

Your comments, inspirational words and congrats mean more to me than anything in this world during the Holiday season. My life is in a REALLY great place and it is because of all of YOU. My friends, old and new and those that I have allowed to be a part of my life, Thank you for allowing ME to be part of yours.

Love,
K

Weigh-In Week 15!

Hello Everyone and welcome to a brand new boot camp cycle!

I knew I was going to be out of shape being I didn't go to boot camp last week, being the previous week I only went to two sessions, being I smoke....I KNEW IT. Why did I set myself up like this?!

Well, it went great. Being back feels good and I just WISH I could remember that when I wake up in the morning! I pushed myself hard and although it took about 20 minutes for me to get back into it, the most important thing was that I DID get back into it.

How I feel after working out is indescribable. It's like energy overload...I dunno how else to describe it!

I have a REALLY busy day in front of me so with that said, let's get to the weigh-in. Don't worry, tomorrow I will fill you all in on how Thanksgiving went and how I crashed and burned on Saturday. =)

The plan was to lose 3 pounds AT THE VERY LEAST this week. Unfortunately, I only lost 2. Wait, that doesn't even sound right. Let me try this again. I LOST TWO POUNDS THIS WEEK! How awesome is that? That means I made it through Thanksgiving without a gain and STILL lost! And I didn't want for much =)

That brings my total weightloss to 36 pounds (35.8)!!! AMAZING. I feel better, my pores are smaller and I just want to run ALL of the time. Unfortunately, I can't. lol.

As the year winds down...I realize I'm going to have to give up smoking soon. It's a scary thought, but I can barely breathe after running for awhile and it's so not good. If I'm going to have a healthy lifestyle, I gotta change that as well. I knew I couldn't do it all at once...so maybe by January I'll be ready? The goal was to completely stop smoking by the age of 30. That gives me until September. But I feel like maybe I'll be ready in January. I'm just going to start looking at really disgusting videos of what the smoke and nicotine does to my insides and what quitting can do to change that!

Thank you all for reading. Love you MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xo,
K

ps. 36 pounds down and I have 43 more to go before I hit my MAIN goal. HOWEVER, once I'm at that main goal I am going to reevaluate, see if I want to lose more and also see if I can maintain at that weight.

pss. If you haven't yet, SET YOUR DVR to record the Rockefeller Xmas Tree Lighting Ceremony!!!

Best Friends One Girl Could Have!

Hello readers!

I know I promised you all glitz and gold and pretty little paragraphs tied up in ribbon, my bad for not getting it done.

I am getting sick! WTF? I've already BEEN sick this year, who needs/wants to be sick twice in a year? The thing is, I know it is harder for my body to heal itself when I am running around and stuff but it has to be making me healthier. My body is playing games with me!

Here's the thing, I think I caught this one in time. I THINK I'll be able to nip it in the bud before it gets bad. That's the good news. The bad news? The bad news is that on another note, we did have make up boot camp this week (a free for all Mon-Thurs) and for some odd reason...I couldn't get out of bed to go! It was just TOO early and I was just TOO sleepy and comfortable. I think that as it gets colder it's going to get harder and harder to leave my sweetie. Needless to say, it MUST be done.

A new boot camp cycle starts next week and I have a goal of losing ten more pounds by xmas which would bring my total loss to 45lbs since mid august! I'd be okay with that. The thing is, CAN I do it? I don't know. Especially the way I haven't worked out this week!

It's the TOM and ya'll know what that means. Cranky Kristin. Although I must admit, I've found myself a lot more carefree and nonchalant these days. That's not to say I still don't have attitude, I do but moreover I'm just OVER drama. It's weird because for so long I thrived on it and used it as a stifle in my life.

I guess I'm learning to be happy in my own skin. =) This weekend was very festive! I attended the pre-taping of Mariah Carey on the Rockefeller Christmas Tree lighting taping and that was a BLAST! Me and my girl Tash ended up front row. Which of course, was fabulous. Then our girl Tiff came in town and we headed to the No H8 Campaign photo shoot in Hoboken at the W. That was a BLAST! Was even joined by a boot camper, F! The wonderful lady who I went to see Carrie Underwood with.

It felt great to take the No H8 photos and know that when I receive them back (4-6 weeks) I wouldn't see someone I didn't know. It would be MY FACE! Not some fat girls I don't know. The problem with 4-6 weeks is I'm going to be even smaller by then soooo eh, who cares. Whatevz! I hope I love em =) Such a GREAT cause and I met so many loving and wonderful people. Everyone deserves to be happy. Ya'll know my views on THAT!

I also had a mini reunion with my college girls, pre-thanksgiving annual dinner! It was truly overwhelming, all of their comments on my weightloss. I was filled with so much joy I almost began to cry! That is until one hater stepped out and tried to rain on my parade. Needless to say, I was so proud of myself. I handled myself with class and grace. Haters can no longer get to me. Seriously. I'm beautiful, I know it. I don't give a fuck what anyone else says. The pouch DOES need to go tho! I do feel bad that it was another overweight girl, in my mind we should always stick together and never try to bring someone else down, especially when I could give her a few tips. Eh, what can ya do?

One more thing to note, It's so weird now, when D tells me I'm beautiful, I actually HEAR him and totally BELIEVE him. That feels good. Not just outside but inside. "Our love is stronger than any love, addicted just can't get enough". - MC - Word girl. Word.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving festivities. Remember all we have to be thankful for in this world. Your health, your family, your friends, the roof over your head, the food on your table, your career, the car you're driving, the best friend you haven't called in awhile but you know will be there for you when you need them, the love of God shining down upon all of us. We are here and we MUST LIVE.

xo,
K

ps. Yes I've been on point and eating right! Haven't left course once =) Feels amazingggggggggggggg! Now if I could just wake up in the mornings! Here's to me working out on my own tonight!

Monday Weigh-In! Week 14!

Hello beautiful people!

This weekend was a fabulous one! I have so much to say but can't really fit it all in today so I will be writing a long detailed blog tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'd like to update you on today's weigh-in! I lost a total of 3 lbs exactly! Amazingness. I feel SO GOOD. That brings the total weight loss in 14 weeks to 34 pounds!! I have a lot more to go but I've almost reached the halfway point. I can't even believe it. 3 months in and 34 pounds (33.8 lbs) gone. I am hoping I can keep this momentum up through Thanksgiving...I am hoping to be down at the very least another 2 pounds by next Monday. I figure that inspiration will help me get through the Holiday feast unharmed. =)

Usually this week we have off of boot camp but because of all of the days off this session he is having boot camp Mon-Thurs (I won't be there Thanksgiving Day). I am VERY happy about that. =)

Remember, tomorrow I will be writing more!

xo,
K

Oh Santaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Busy busy day filled with Santa Claus, kids dancing and ringing in the New Year? Uh yeah. I'm off to join in the festivities later on this evening and have a busy time from now until then soooooooooo. MERRY CHRISTMASSSS (a month early)!!! I'll fill you all in either tomorrow or Monday!

Love ya!
-K

sidebar: Don't worry, I'm still on plan =)

Your Authentic Self...Thanks Oprah. 'preciate it!

"Sometimes life (love) can come and pass you by, while you're busy making plans. Suddenly it hits you and then you realize it's out of your hands." - Ava Maria - Beyonce

Hello my lovely friends!

First, I should start off by saying yesterday I took off for a mental health day. I had to figure out what was going on mentally that was causing me to put up walls and not push through EVERY SINGLE TIME. I realized what it was, I am NOT used to having to push myself harder just to sweat. When I first started boot camp, 5 push ups would tire me out and I'd be dripping sweat. I can't do 5 push ups anymore and think I'm doing something. I'm not.

Today I went in with the gusto and did just about everything and did it hardcore. I tried to be the fastest and the most accurate. I wasn't competing with anyone but my former self. I definitely 100% succeeded. The crazy thing is I can FINALLY ADMIT to myself that I AM GOOD. I can actually KEEP UP and do the work outs given to us and I can't blame it on being out of shape anymore. I should be able to do everything and if I absolutely can't, at least TRY. It's amazing to me because for so long I thought "Oh I can't do that exercise because I'm too fat" it's just NOT true. It was so incredible to push myself and succeed at everything he threw in front of us.

Here is a bit of what our work out was:

1. Running/Jogging around bball court (I think for 5 minutes) - I only stopped once for 2 secs. I like basketball courts MUCH more then I like tracks. I don't have to measure it and I can just GO.


2. 10 burpees then one pushup, 9 burpees then two push ups, 8 burpees then 3 pushups and so on and so forth until you work your way up to 1 burpee and ten pushups.

3. Partnered, one person at one side of the court is doing wall sits while the other does 10 stand up kick outs (repeat 3x trading places each time so you are doing a total of 3 wall sits and 3x 10 stand up kick outs)

4. Partnered, one person does jumping jacks while the other runs to the other side and does weight lifts sitting then standing, I forget the name. Repeat 3x each exercise.

5. A LOT of being in a push up position, lifting right hand, touching shoulder while staying straight on, then lift left hand touch right shoulder while staying straight on, then doing a stand up kick out 10x. Repeat 3x.

There were a lot of other exercises but those are a few!

I did them all and FAST if I do say so myself.

Anyway, in reference to the title of this blog, I have to say, losing weight or getting healthy or changing your outward appearance isn't just as simple (at least in MY case) as working out and eating right. You go through MAJOR emotional changes. I started gaining weight soon after college. I started working and work became my LIFE. My relationship started failing, my work was impeccable, my confidence grew at work but my outside and inner confidence roared with disapproval of how I was living my life.

In essence, life was passing me by while I was busy making plans.

I was told today that when I first started I was bubbly and happy and outgoing and now I can sometimes come off as rude, which in turn makes me in-authentic. I can see the rude part being true. However, I don't believe that makes me phony or in-authentic. But, people will see only the parts of you that they want to see. You cannot dictate how others perceive you, never try. That is why losing weight should ALWAYS be about YOU and not anyone else.

This is a MAJOR journey. For much of my adult life I've been overweight and a lot of it was also obese. When you are "THAT GIRL" you can either wallow in misery and bring everyone down OR you can be the funny outgoing one that everyone wants to be around. For the most part, I chose the funny outgoing one.

As I'm losing weight, getting healthy, I'm realizing that can't be me ALL the time. It's just not who I am nor who I was raised to be. I'm outspoken, I'm LOUD, I'm ignorant, I'm STRONG, I'm dependent, I'm independent and a HOST of imperfection. Those few adjectives do not describe me or make me up as a person in the least, but they are part of who I am.

I have gone through a lot of changes both personally and emotionally these past 3 months and it was partly thanks to having an AHA moment from one of Oprah's shows. She always gives tips on how to be your most authentic self. It's something I fear I will struggle with for the rest of my life (as almost any sane person who wants to be the best they can be does). We are constantly changing and growing as individuals, throw a major life change into the mix, whether it's a career change, losing weight, the beginning or end of a relationship and you have a whole host of new issues to work out!

In the past month I've been cleaning out my closet (my inner being). Figuring out who I am, who I want to be and what I need to do to get there. Do I yell at waitresses or shun people on the street? Nah, my Midwest upbringing causes me to be nice to everyone I meet, I say hi on the streets to strangers in NYC and get the weirdest looks but yet I can't stop myself! (Thanks mom!)

However, I can be rather harsh to people I don't like. Sometimes even to the point of where I despise them and won't utter a word their way. Although I never wish ill-will upon anyone, one thing I'm trying to change is my MOUTH! I have a strong one on me and now that I'm losing weight I find myself more judgmental of people then ever before. It's really hard to put everything into categories and work through issues when so many of them are extremely different yet they all connect.

I have positivity in my life that I've never had before. I bring the fun wherever I go and damn it, my friends love me =) I know that during this process of self exploration I'm going to discover more secrets and intricacies to my mind, body and soul then ever before. I'm very excited about it but also scared...it's crazy how losing a little bit of weight can really make you do a 180 in terms of mindset. I knew this would happen, hell, I set it up to happen. I wasn't going into this with one goal but 100 goals!

After all, I can't look like the best me on the outside and not be the best me on the inside. =) Birds of a feather flock together and I don't want to be the "bad" bird, nor do I want bad birds around me.

Anyway lovelies, put a smile on your face because I have a big one!

xo,
K

Sidebar: Yesterday I said that we all have really strong camaraderie, I would just like to say that today we all really cheered each other on and it DOES help.

ps. I <3 Oprah! Is this season good or WHAT?!

What's Black and White and Exhausted All Over? (Plus - Weigh-In!)

You guessed it, ME!

Just a quick FYI, this blog is going to be extremely all over the place and probably have grammar errors throughout it. I am exhausted and not in the mood to type anything other than what is coming from my head!

Sorry for not checking in yesterday, life has been one big heave ho of surprises! I love it this way though...truly, if you have negative people in your life (passive aggressive, always starting something, never happy in their own skin)...negative thoughts, ideals, just any negativity, See it, reach out and grab it and push it away from you. The sooner the better. I've cut off some major negativity and gained a BUNCH of positivity in return. I seriously am in LOVE with life right now! Always remember, you can tell a LOT about a person from how many CLOSE friendships they have. If they have too many or one or none? I'd probably say get out quickly. Life is for living, not living uptight! (That's jay ya'll!)

I am however, extremely exhausted. Last night out of the blue a fellow Boot Camper text me and asked if I wanted to head over to the Carrie Underwood concert with her. It was amazing. That girl sure can SANG! One song I had never heard before (why, i dunno) "Temporary Home", oh man, it touched me in so many ways....anyway, the concert started at 7:30 and didn't get over until 11:05! Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep!

However, imagine if you will being in an arena that serves hot dogs, cheese fries, pepperoni pizzas, soda, popcorn and chicken wings! Did I mention alcohol? I was FAMISHED and had no time to prep dinner so before I left the house I grabbed a banana, that stifled me for another hour. But once at the arena I had to find something healthy....I didn't let the smells get to me, I ended up settling on half of a tomato wrap with turkey lettuce and tomato. NO Mayo or cheese! But I did put a half packet of mustard on it for flavor =) I dunno why but I was extremely proud of myself for this feat! I guess because I proved to myself that I do have will power, but not only that, I was kind of disgusted at all of the people sitting around stuffing their faces with loads of shit that will take days to digest or just become fat. =( That's not to say it didn't smell good though!

Anyway, today's boot camp was HARD. It was indoors on a basketball court (which it will be at Mon-Thurs, Friday is indoors at a boxing studio).

Our trainer said today that we lack camaraderie. I have to disagree. We have gotten to the point where all of us know each other so well that I think we know each others moods and limits. We are always going to have off days and yes, maybe we could pump each other up more but I know I wasn't the only one who got a text or two after boot camp with a GOOD JOB from other girls in order to lift everyone's spirits.

Today was back to back weights, leg exercises, squats, suicides after suicides. I was so exhausted from it all. I can't say I don't feel GREAT because I do! Except, I am TIRED!

Being I didn't blog yesterday I'll now do my weigh-in. So yeah, the goal was 3lbs lost to make up for last week. Sadly, I didn't hit that goal. I instead hit a 1.8 loss. Am I super bummed? HELL NO. This brings my total weight loss 13 weeks in to 30.8! I am in disbelief! I know that next week is gonna be a big number. I feel it in my bones and my body, mainly because, I had an off week and it takes your body time to adjust and get back into the groove of things. I am REALLY back in the groove now.

I feel like such a new person. It is cool to just eat right etc. but when you incorporate exercise your body begins to SHAPE itself and get tighter. It is truly amazing to watch it as it happens.

I went shopping this weekend for just a FEW items. Like I have said before, I refuse to buy an entire new wardrobe that I will only be wearing for 1-2months. Upon entering the GAP, I took two sizes down. A 14 (I was a 16) and a 12. I tried on the 12 first, when it FIT and fit WELL I almost fell out in the dressing room. I NEVER come out of dressing rooms, oh you best BELIEVE I came out and showed D! He was so proud. I looked GOOD in them jeans too lol. I know it was probably crazy to spend 70 on jeans I'll only be wearing a few months but I find them to be a great investment for my self esteem.

I also had to buy a new bra. At this point, all of my former bras are now falling off of me, no...literally FALLING off. I have gone from a VERY VERY TIGHT (I'm talking last notch tight) 40C to a 38C and even fit a few 36's...but I think those were made big. I ended up getting a few 38C's and I'm pleased with the purchase! I also was able to buy a size TEN (Yes, a 10!!!) dress. It is VERY VERY tight and VERY VERY short but whatever. I'm gon' rock it and I don't care what anyone has to say! Only positivity!


I hope you all enjoyed today's blog! I am in a good place and I wish you all nothing but blessings. Your words of encouragement and comments have allowed me to get this far. You make me accountable even when I don't want to be.

When I made the decision to start a blog AND post it on my Facebook page where EVERYONE could read it...I knew it would cause a lot of people to read and a lot of people to laugh at my past failures (the ones not comfortable in their own skin) and a lot of people who really could relate. But I did it for the GOOD people AND mainly to motivate myself. I don't fail. I succeed. I don't care how long it takes me...I will reach my goal weight, goal size and damn it, I WILL get an ass. =)

Until next time,
K

I'm Back B*#&^!!!!

It is now officially Friday and I have been back on the wagon for five days!! It feels SO GOOD!

Today was a boxing day at boot camp. LOVE IT! HATE IT! Such a weird relationship. I found myself not wanting to get out of bed this morning and then just as I had convinced myself I needed more sleep, something weird happened. My body would NOT let me go back to sleep, it was great. It forced me to get up and I knew that I had to go.

I find the stance we have to have while boxing to be the hardest part of boxing...that and keeping my hands up to my chin in between punches. W really kicks our asses during boxing and while I appreciate it, I think I need more water breaks lol. He does play music though (that I made the mixed CDs of!) and that TRULY TRULY helps me! I love having a beat to follow along to...seriously.

Anyway, I'm five days of being back on schedule and I KNOW (okay hope) I am going to drop at the VERY LEAST three pounds this week! I cannot wait til the weigh-in on Monday. I have to do this now...I'm almost glad I had my falling off this past weekend. I proved to myself for the FIRST TIME EVER that when I fall during a change of lifestyle (eating healthy) I can pick myself back up and jump right back on the horse. It is also good because it made me more determined then ever to make healthy choices during Thanksgiving festivities (one of which I have Nov. 20th). Thanksgiving is a time of thanks, not a time of gluttonous choices and feeding your body stuff which it doesn't want. If you fall immediately asleep after you eat, you obviously made the WRONG choices. Food should energize you, not put you to sleep. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!

Alas, I am off! Wish me luck! I AM going to go to boot camp tomorrow (another boxing day). YES! I'm going on the weekend. I owe it to myself, Monday and Tuesday we had off and I really need to get in every ounce of fight I can.

One thing I am concerned with is my ass. It is finally starting to perk up a bit, trust, I notice. But I truly only notice in the shower and when I'm wearing tight jeans and they don't completely fall off. I think the issue is I have to lose more weight first. I never had a HUGE ass, and I don't want one, but I used to (think High School) have SOMETHING back there. Now it's just a mass of ugliness, well it looks a LOT better then 12 weeks ago but I still have some fat to lose back there (think: A LOT) so I need to get all of this fat off and then it will be more about toning etc. In the meantime I'm going to continue to do butt exercises so that as the fat does fall off, what is lying underneath is firm. =)

I can't wait til all the fat is off and I just have to tone although I imagine maintaining a healthy weight and toning is going to be a whole new set of obstacles to overcome. Hence the reason I gave myself a year. =)

xo,
K

ps. Did I mention yesterday was the last day of working out outside in the winter? SCORE!

Soooo I went off plan...

Hello lovelies -

So, I'm so sorry I haven't written in awhile. It has been an EXTREMELY busy time in my life. Needless to say...I have a lot to catch you up on but because I'm short on time, I'm going to try to do it very quickly.

Last Friday we had our first boot camp where we did boxing! I had yet to receive my boxing gloves so I had to borrow W's. It was INTENSE! I never in a MILLION years imagined that boxing would be so hard. I truly thought "okay, 1 2 punch". I apparently used muscles (and so did the other girls) that we never use during boot camp, or under-worked muscles or something. That in itself is CRAZY because we work out every part of our bodies! Anyway, boxing is HARD core. Then, in between jabs and punches and the extreme cardio that learning how to move in a ring gives you, we had to do push-ups/sit ups etc. IN OUR BOXING GLOVES! You try this, I dare you. It's HARD. I had extreme muscle pain all weekend long.

As per my blog last week, we had no boot camp on Monday or Tuesday because W was out for personal reasons. He sent us all instructions on what exercises to do, I fully intended to do them, but I didn't.

Part of the issue was this: On Friday night I went out with my closest girlfriends. We went to TGIF's and man, I ate stuff I shouldn't have. I'm not going to say I went overboard, I didn't. I mean I could have gotten french fries and everything else, I just ate my ENTIRE meal which honestly was enough to feed 3 people. THEN we went to the movies to see "For Colored Girls". Of course my girls get popcorn and I literally downed HALF of one bag! AND drank the diet soda to wash it down! Then I even ate a few pieces of licorice! I was SOO SOO mad at myself, but not mad enough that the next day I got back on track.

Instead, I ate off schedule and pretty much whatever I wanted. D and I even went out to eat and when I found out the restaurant didn't serve turkey burgers I said eff it and got a regular hamburger (no cheese!) and even FRIES! Fries are something I give myself once a month as a reward at the end of every boot camp cycle. See, the thing here is, I am and have and probably always will be ADDICTED TO FRENCH FRIES. It is a sickness but I love em all, big small, curly, salty, hard, soft...doesn't matter. GIMME GIMME GIMME. So I DO have to place limitations upon myself or I will eat french fries in pounds!

Rules are good. They are set by me and I need to follow them. Period. Once again on Sunday we went to church with D's mom. She then told us we were going to a buffet. At first I protested, I knew I had to get back on track and no buffet was going to help that. She was totally compliant and said we could go wherever I wanted. Needless to say, I just told her forget it we could go to the buffet. I ate my ass off. I am ashamed (but have to fess up) to say that I ate two slices of apple pie AND ice-cream. I did NOT however have any more than TWO french fries lol. Yes, I literally put two french fries on my plate LOL. I know I would have eaten more and even greasier items had I not been thinking what a failure I was being in the back of my mind.

Everyone is allowed A slip up right? My day was bound to come.

Well, heres the thing. I was aiming to lose 3 pounds this week and THANK GOD I didn't gain...but I only lost 0.4. I'm not proud of it. I don't relish in it. I'm pissed. I guess the anger is good because I'm back in boot camp and today was INTENSE. I mean INTENSE INTENSE. Probably one of the hardest days ever. Seems he just keeps pushing me to the brink.

Anyway, I've been on plan since Monday and even went out to eat with my bestfriend Tai last night and didn't go off plan. =) Here's to hoping I can drop those three pounds this week that were supposed to come off last week.

Love you all,

Picking myself back up - K

Busy Busy

Hey Everyone!

I am so sorry for neglecting you all! Been a rough couple of days and weekend! I am going to have a LONG blog tomorrow (after I take my car in for repairs!) so stay tuned. Until then, thank you for checking in and I have SO much to say!

xo,
K

I'm Freezing

I went to boot camp today but I honestly just don't have it in me to write a bunch.

I'm still injured. Still pushed through. Friday we start boxing (every Friday). I'm excited about that but this cold has got me NOT wanting to go to work outside. I cannot lie.

xo,
K

BRRRRRRRR - It's COLD in here!!

Hola senors and senoritas!

Today at boot camp was a mind fuck. First of all, I have an injury, what is it? I don't know. All I know is that I don't *think* it's my shin. It's almost to the back of my left leg and it KILLS me. What kills me MORE is when people ...no. Everyone reads this so I'm gonna chill. I have an attitude and it doesn't stop when I come to boot camp that's for sure. It's not something I'm readily looking to change so I'll deal with it.

We had to do a lot of stairs and it hurt extremely bad and I pushed through for the most part but towards the end my leg just wasn't having it! So I did squats instead...over and over and over again. I think having any kind of injury is the worst part of working out. When you have it, you can't be at 100% so you immediately become angry with your body. I wasn't so much angry with my body today but moreso with just not having enough room to do what I needed to do (try to get up the stairs) because I was slower than everyone else and some people just didn't seem to care that not everyone can go as fast so maybe they should GO AROUND. Annoying.

In the future I think I'll have to stay to one side of the bleachers in order to make sure I have enough room to continue trying to climb those steps WHEN/IF I have an injury.

I did wear my face mask today and it helped! The cold wasn't SO bad but it definitely hinders my breathing.

One good thing is that I fit into a jacket I haven't fit into in about 2 years, and it was baggier now than it ever was then. =)

I just finished some nice warm oatmeal and now off to VOTE! Please do this people! We have a VOICE so make sure yours is heard! And while you're out there voting, pick up a copy of Mariah Carey's NEW Christmas CD - Merry Christmas II You! A ton of new tunes she wrote PLUS some old classics. =) I am IN LOVE with "When Christmas Comes" =)

xo,
K

Baby It's Cold Outside....WEIGH-IN plus Before and After Pics!

Gooood Mornting! (yes I meant the *ting)!!!!!

Upon waking up this morning I think I hit the 5 minute snooze a total of 4 times. I FINALLY pried myself from D's grip and got out of bed, albeit bitter and reluctantly. Ten minutes later, I'm FALLING, FALLING, GRASPING air, FALLING and then BOOM. Hit my ass in the shower. WORST.MORNING.EVER. Luckily I'm not bruised and I did not bust my head open (just missed the water spout). I think it was probably the longest fall of my life because I kept almost standing up and yet couldn't quite wake up enough to steady myself. LOL. Now that I think about it I can laugh and figured I'd share it with all of you...but damn, it sucked at the time. It was at that moment that I realized this was NOT going to be a good morning.

Then, wouldn't you know it, I heard the garbage truck outside. This stupid garbage truck blocks my way for about 10 minutes if I don't get out in time to go in front of it, I THREW on my clothes faster than fast and jetted out the door....forgetting my face mask! BRISK air hit my lungs and I was ready to throw up. Anyway, I made it to the car and JUST pulled out in front of the garbage man. WOOHOO for wins! Yet and still, I was in no way, shape or form ready for what was about to hit me at boot camp and I almost turned around and went home just thinking about it.

The air downtown is COLD and without my face mask I was left to the brutal winter winds and their force had me at mercy. We started off with a run and it was pretty great because I ran the entire way (yay for not smoking before boot camp!). We then came back, and all of a sudden he wanted us to do sprint after sprint after sprint. It was at this point I realized today was a cardio day and wanted to die. Anyway, I went out to dinner last night with friends at the Cheesecake Factory (and still stayed within my calories, cept for a few bites of carrot cake!) and I knew I had to work that cake off! So I did it. Next up was core exercises.

W said that we have to have a strong core in order to run. Interesting, I never knew that. W had a talk with me about pushing through the burn. I explained to him that was an issue for me. I try and try but sometimes I just don't feel like it. I can't figure out HOW to break down that wall. I try to remember the feelings I have when I DO push through it but it doesn't help. I don't know why it happens when it does, but I really wish I could figure it out. I WANT to push through and get to the next level but something is holding me back.

He also said something that...hmmm I guess I could say it is funny to play it off because of course it's easier to view myself as an imbecile rather than actually GOOD at this stuff being I've never worked out before. He said that he could tell I was athletic. Meaning, he thought I had an athlete in me. I told him how all of my family played sports and everyone was actually REALLY good at it, but I just went a different route. He gave me compliments saying how far I've come and that I really do have it in me. Of course I told him he was bullshitting me to get me to push through...but I really WANT to believe him. He says he doesn't bullshit so I DO believe that...eh, I guess it's just easier to believe that you aren't goin to be great at something you've never done before. I WANT to be at a ten and I feel like I'm at a 6. How the HELL do I break through!!!

I think all of this cold weather is really getting to me!

This morning, Y told us she has officially lost 34 lbs since she joined boot camp! I think she's been in it for 4 months or so! That is SO amazing! You should see this girl! She has asthma and yet she is running and going for it (and doing Zumba on the weekends too)! It just made me so happy to hear that!

Then, F told us as of this weekend she has officially lost 70lbs since January! AMAZINGNESS! This girl does boot camp 5x a week AND pilates and sometimes I believe yoga as well! It's just amazing what we women can do when really set our minds to it.

These women are my heroes and motivation. Everyday I see them I know that I can do it and they are there smiling and pushing me through til the end.

Now for weigh-in! This week I lost 3.2 lbs!! Which brings my total weight loss to 28.6 pounds! I'm hoping to reach at least 30 by next weeks weigh in! If I can do this, with all of my ignorance and learning as I go...ANYONE can. I have never in my life ran this much (okay maybe when I was a kid) or spent this much time doing weight exercises OR ate this healthy. The great this is, I don't miss out on much. If I know I want something sweet, I make room for it in my daily intake and then make up for it the next day at boot camp. =)

Here are the before and after pictures. I'm hoping you notice some sort of difference lol

BEFORE Picture

Front - Mid September

Side - Mid September

Nov 1st 2010 - Front

Nov 1st 2010 - Side

This is VERY hard for me to post but I know I've been promising them. This is me un-altered, No sucking in, no special poses...in fact probably the worst stance for any "fat" girl. Anyway, I hope ya'll enjoyed em cuz I sure don't! LOL

I truly don't know if anyone can understand how hard it is to put all of this out here...let it all hang out if you will. I do it because I trusted that my friends/family/people in general would be supportive and help motivate me and keep me accountable. Also, for those of you also struggling with weight loss. For the most part, I was correct. But it doesn't make it any easier. =)
xo,
K

It's Friday & I'm Ready to Get it In!!!

Happy Halloween Weekend!!!

I personally, am not a huge fan of Halloween, however I can definitely appreciate those that are. I got very nostalgic just a few minutes ago when I saw children walking to school (with their parents) all dressed up. It was so darling! I can't wait to have one child to be able to dress up so she can win every contest there is in the school Halloween costume contests! Or wait, is that just a Midwest thing? Do they even do that on the Eastcoast? Eh, who knows...

I get so caught up sometimes! Moving on...Today's work out was FABULOUS! W had music playing! It reallly realllllly motivated me, if I didn't want to keep going I at least tried to stay on the off beats which was a nice little trick I played on my body. My arms are still sore from the resistance training on Wednesday but I am recovering. =) The milk definitely helps! When I tried one of those sugary protein shakes I could have vomited, milk is definitely better for me. I can't even believe I am beginning to look forward to drinking it! That just goes to show it is all about how you change your mindset.

If your mind isn't ready to make changes, your body won't have lasting results. That's just the truth of it. The same with any addiction, whether it's laziness, over eating, smoking, gambling or drinking. Of course I believe some are worse addictions than others but eh, you kinda just gotta say "Okay, I'm strong, I'm not weak and I'm going to do this". And then do it.

Anyway, I think I'm either going to make up the day I missed yesterday at 7:30am tomorrow with Boot Camp OR one of the girls invited me to her 2 hour Zumbathon at 2:30pm. Since I constantly diss Zumba (because it is purely cardio) I figure I should give it a try, well that and all of you out there in the land seem to LOVE it and I don't wanna be a party pooper and hate something I've never even tried!

Anyway, that's it for now. I can't wait til the weigh-in on Monday and I'm truly praying for a big loss.

ps. These cold days I am LOVING oatmeal for breakfast! What are your favorite kinds of oatmeal?

Love,
K

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Hello my people!!!

To those of you who saw Biggest Loser  last night, feel free to read on. To those of you that did not, you may not want to read ahead as there may be spoilers.

When watching BL I always love to see how the person who gets sent home looks NOW! I love that most of the time they keep pushing and doing it on their own. Really opens my eyes to what we all (see: ME) can accomplish if I believe in myself. There is ONE thing that REALLY bothers me about these weight loss shows though. Spandex or Spanx (yes I own a pair and they are NOT comfortable).

Both Biggest Loser AND Thintervention are guilty of this. During the tapings leading up to the huge weight loss each contestant faces, we see them in sports bras, spandex shorts, the guys with their shirts completely off. (I would never do this, you couldn't pay me enough). Anyway, then, on the finale, all of a sudden when weighing in they all get to wear shirts? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

So they lose all the weight and then they can cover up their flab? OH, I get why they do this, they also make them wear spanx to hold all of the fat in to make the weight loss look more significant than it is. I find this such an injustice, I can't even stress it fully. Anyway, this is why today at boot camp when talking with W and F I brought up how I am petrified of having lose skin.

Of course, W said I wasn't even big enough to worry about that but I don't know if I buy that. I see chicks all the time with their loose fat and I don't want that to be me. I seriously would have to consider surgery if that were the case. Dead.Ass.Serious. I don't want a belly button like Beyonce or any of those other people that have gotten tummy tucks have, but I'd rather have their belly buttons than flab. I know a ton of skinny fat people, I don't want to be that. I'd rather stay a medium size (about 40lbs away from where I am now) than be skinny fat.

Call me crazy, call me mean, say I'm rude. I don't care, it's just my opinion. Anyway, that is what worried me today.

We worked out in the rain, I ended up rating myself a 3.7 out of 5. The rain discourages me. What can I say? I still pushed myself and after only 3 in a half hours of sleep last night!

I hope you guys are enjoying your day as much as I am enjoying mine!

xo,
K

ps. I should add, that I AM trying to be more confident. I don't even know if I'll have flab. I am working out so that I DON'T! That's all I can do. Pray and be confident in my skins ability to snap back. Good stuff. They say black don't crack! I got most of my genes from my dad, although I still say my mother is the prettiest woman I ever met. =)

A Beautiful Day for Working Out!

Today was absolutely gorgeous! I LOVE LOVE LOVE working out in Lincoln Park! I actually prefer it over the downtown area. I love running on the track and also the people in that area are a ton friendlier! AND you don't have to deal with busy people on their way to work while staring you down!

Needless to say, today was a good day =) I don't have much time so let me just write that we did the bleachers! I HATE the bleachers, usually I do two and call it a day. Today, thanks to F! I pushed myself and did them with everyone else. Felt good, AFTER it was over =)

I absolutely abhor burpees. I think they are the worst of the worst. It's like get down, kick out and stand up, oh and do it all over and over and over again! It's just too much work for my lazy ass and I'd rather stay in one spot working out =). I did them but with MUCH chagrin. It's going to take awhile before I get used to those. Like I said, I'm lazy. =)

I know I promised you all pictures today but (and this could be TMI, so look no further if you hate TMI) my lady friend came for a visit and um, I'm totally bloated and kind of miserable so I will be refusing to post pictures until next Monday. =) So that means on weigh-in day you guys will have the knowledge of what I gained AND new updated before and after pictures to prove it! Oh joy!

Anyway lovely people, I'm off...Much love and respect! Remember, take care of your bodies TODAY because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone, but most importantly, it's not promised to those that are ASKING to be unhealthy!

xo,
K

ps. Totally excited for Biggest Loser tonight! Anyone else? 

How Did I Ever Get Through the Week?! Plus Weigh-In!

Hello lovely people!

While I'm sitting here downing my ice cold chocolate (sugar free!) skim milk, I figured I should also check in with you all. =)

Well it is the start of Week 9 of Boot camp! Hooray!

However, I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning. I mean, literally I couldn't move. It has been 2 weeks since I last worked out with W and the girls of Boot Camp! (Last week was the off week and the week prior I was sick all but one day).

As you can tell by now, I decided to join for another cycle, the price was right AND I could always just go 3 days a week if it was raining or too cold downtown. As suggested by one of the lovely ladies of BC!

Today was hard. There were a ton of new girls (like 5 I think) and that is always a really great push! For our morning run/jog I actually came in 5th! It was amazing. I didn't smoke before I went, that always helps, and although I came in last in our regular group of girls, the new girls were behind me. It felt good. Let's hope I can keep that alive. I was SO out of breath by the end of it though.

We then moved on to doing core workouts, leg workouts and butt workouts (which I LIVE FOR because I sadly am a no-booty girl). I rated myself a 4 out of a 5 today for effort and I'm cool with that.

I forgot what I was missing. I love boot camp. I love being pushed, I love feeling energized afterward, hell...I even love the way my stomach muscles are hurting like hell right now. Because I KNOW that I DID something. It feels amazing. I wish I had an alarm clock shouting this at me when I don't feel like waking up!

Now time for the Weigh-In. I was NOT looking forward to this. I knew that the two weeks off of boot camp weren't really helping AND when I go to boot camp, I pay extra attention to what I am putting in my body because I don't want to have negative effects on the hard ass work out I just did. Needless to say it wasn't a great lost.

I lost another 0.4 this week. Which brings my total weight loss to 25.4 in ten weeks. It's really kind of a bummer. I was hoping to be down 27lbs total this week and now I know that I CAN do this. I have to. So, with the girls and trainer of boot camp behind me, and D at my side and all of you reading and supporting me, I KNOW I can get down two pounds this week! And I WILL. In fact, I may try for 3 =) Why not?

Tomorrow I will be posting before and after pictures so be on the look out for them!

xo,
K

Hello lovely readers.

Quick note on something that is really bothersome to me. I was so excited for the new cycle of boot camp which was to start next Monday. Now, I am faced with a dilemma. I cannot afford to be sick. All of the research I have done, including this:    Study on Working Out in the Cold Air . Did I mention when we work out on the pier the wind is already crucial? Not to mention we are working out in the early mornings. When I learned this morning that boot camp would continue to take place outside for at least the next 3 weeks, I was pissed to say the least.

Needless to say, I am debating whether or not I am going to join again for this session. It will be something I have to figure out and I'm not looking forward to that. Working out shouldn't be a debate. Therefore no matter what I will continue to work out, just maybe not at boot camp.

The bottom line is: I cannot afford to be sick. Can anyone these days? I already lead a full life, when I am sick, my life stops and I hate that.

Moving on...

I wanted to do something special for you all today so I'm going to give you all a few of my favorite things to eat while still being healthy!

1. I love salads as much as any vegetarian! The problem arises when it comes to dressing. I'm VERY very picky when I eat and Caesar is truly the only kind of salad dressing I like. I could make my own, but that is way too time consuming. I want to LIVE not live around eating. I found a GREAT brand! Cardini's!
They make both fat free and light caesar dressing! When I say it's good, I mean it's great!

2. While looking at websites for yummy recipes I realized most of them would be pretty bland (you can tell just by reading their comments!) If I'm going to take the time to cook, I want it to be a 5 star meal. While looking at comments along with recipes, I found a GREAT site that seemed to be the best of both worlds. It was called Gina's skinny taste. AMAZING recipes with helpful comments from people telling you what you can substitute in! For the first time ever I used spices I didn't know existed while cooking last night! I used this recipe of Gina's Gina's Chicken Enchiladas ! I'm not doing weight watchers (yet - seems easy enough so maybe as I get down lower!) But all of her recipes are weight watchers friendly. Each enchilada was only 3 points. Amazing!

3. If you hate regular skim milk but love chocolate milk and really would like to keep your protein up after working out (Remember that study I posted where I said people who drank skim milk after every work out lost more weight and gained more lean muscle than those who drank protein shakes?), why not try:

Farmland Dairies Skim Plus Chocolate Milk

It gives you 0 fat calories, only 160 regular calories! You can easily fit this into your calorie intake and it is MUCH lower than any protein shake when it comes to sugar etc. It also has 11grams of great protein! I myself purchased this last week and I love it! You can read more on the nutritional value here: Farmland Dairies Skim Plus Chocolate Milk w/ Omega 3 Nutritional Information, Big thank you to my girl Mel for recommending Farmland!
4. Thanksgiving is coming up and NO you do not have to give up everything you love! I am going to be trying a lot of recipes from Gina's Skinny Recipes but here is the Gina's Skinny Holiday Recipes page but she has thousands of other recipes as well! Just remember, if you want a piece of cake, do it in moderation!!


Well lovelies, I am off! Please let me know if you have any tips or if you've tried any of the above! I am going to try and get before and after pictures up sometime this week so be on the look out for them!

xo,
K