Friday, August 27, 2010

I'm a Host of Imperfection...

"but you see past all that. In your eyes I'm a Queen. You see potential in all my flaws, and that's exactly what I need".

Today's quote is from Flaws and All - Beyonce . I don't think I could have picked a better quote for today. For the past (let's just say MANY) years I've been in a relationship.

The way I grew up, I knew to never let a man in. Atleast, that is what my father taught me. All men are dogs, you have to train them. I learned so much from him, however, over the years D has taken my heart and flipped it upside down into a position of forever yearning and wanting him beside me.

When we first started dating I was at my smallest size, over the years I've grown and gotten bigger (obvz!). But no matter how many times I ask him to tell me if I'm fat, he refuses, saying he only sees ME. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He still kisses me before he goes to work and when he comes home. He has been a provider, a lover and a mainstay to my happiness. I dunno how I got so lucky. I must've done something really great in a past life.

Our relationship is not without fault, we work through everything and we've had some major curveballs thrown at us. Not believing in marriage until after 30 is one of them. =) (Sidebar: I get SO tired of people asking us when we are going to get married, WORRY about your OWN love life!). However, without him by my side this journey would be so much harder.

Anyway, I write all of these loving words for one purpose. That purpose being that last night we had a talk. I let him know how very sorry I was. How sorry I was that I let myself go. It is so important to be HONEST with ourselves. If we are in a relationship we need (I don't care if you disagree, I'm RIGHT!) to make sure that we are trying to be our very best for the other person. No letting yourself go once you get married. Why would *I* want to be married to a slob? I want to be the trophy on his arm when we walk into a room, I want to make him proud. He of course just looked at me and said the right things a man who loves you SHOULD say but sometimes I wonder if deep down he is really happy I'm finally taking on this journey.  He works out constantly and believes in being healthy and physically fit so I do know that he is happy that I am on a road to a healthy lifestyle.

Anyway, This blog is an ode to all he has put up with over the years from me. Because let's face it, I'm a huge (literally and figuratively) rude bitch. I just am. I can't help it and I'm not sure I want to.

With all of that said, today's bootcamp....well....My shin splints HURT!!!!!!! There was so much running today I was SO annoyed and I'm not sure I disguised it very well. I know I rolled my eyes more than a few times. It was just annoying watching the other girls take off on their running and me staying back and doing a lame exercise that ISN'T running. Not to say that exercise doesn't work me, it does, but it's not the same as running and I LIKE running so when I can't, it really pisses me off to see other people doing it.

Wait...did I just say I LIKE running? Kill me now. Who woulda thought 2 weeks ago? Well, I'm very discouraged and worried that I may never be able to run again if these shin splints don't get better!! I know, such the drama queen. They'll get better...but when?!

W asked me today how my mental state was, basically if I was letting the injury get me down. I tried to be honest. I'm not totally sure I am. I did push myself today, it's just utterly discouraging to see everyone else doing something that you can't do. He did tell me however that he sees me improving everyday, I want to believe it because I feel it but I dunno if he's just throwing a huge load of shit in my direction. =p It's so hard to find confidence in a skill set you've never acquired.

We start week 3 next week and it is bring your friend to bootcamp week! So if any of you would like to try out bootcamp for a day, let me know!!! I already have Dr. M coming, so I'd love it if some of the rest of you tried it!

Well this is 2 weeks down guys. Can you believe it? TWO WHOLE freaking WEEKS!!! On Monday it's another weigh-in day for me and I can't wait to see what it is.

I'll just put it out there, my goal is to have lost 4 more pounds which would bring me to a total of 10 pounds lost in 2 weeks. Let's pray I get there!!

Many thanks and love to all of you and STOP posting comments on facebook and instead post them here!!!

If you haven't clicked the follow button above, please do so!

Enjoy your weekends! And remember, drinking alcohol is a needless calorie intake!


Sidebar: Happy Birthday to my beautiful sister Annette!!! 

1 comment:

  1. Well, rude or not. To know you is to love you. Nobody is perfect and when you love someone you tend to compromise on the way they are as a person. I'm personally glad I met you. You bring edge and excitement not many people are lucky enough to hone. You're fiesty...and I love that about you. I'm sure D does too.

    Keep up the good work!