All of my adult life I have been exhausted. Getting out of the bed in the morning is a chore rather than a moment of joy at waking up another morning to enjoy my wonderful life. Once I'm showered, teeth brushed, hair did, and ready to go, I'm already hating the walk to the train station. The walk from the train station has been horrid on my lower back. I find myself sometimes taking a cab 10 blocks! Who does that?! Who pays 7 bucks everyday just to hop into a cab to get to a train station? And then, don't even get me started on the subway stairs! I'm carrying around massive weight and it's so unattractive. The sweat. The pain. All of it.
The one thing that gives me joy is walking into Times Square realizing I'm living my dream. I'm okay at that point but still sweating and in pain. I can't WAIT to sit down at my desk and take a breather. Sometimes, I even hold off on going to the bathroom just because I'm too lazy to get my fat ass up out of my chair.
Yes I know, this is BRUTALLY honest. Some of you may judge me, go ahead. I'm totally judging myself.
As of today, I realized something. I don't MIND getting up in the morning anymore. Sure, it's still like oh shit, sleep is over. But fuck that, I'm ready to get on with my day and LIVE! I'm carrying around weight but I'm 10 pounds lighter in two weeks! Imagine 3 months from now! Imagine 6 months from now!
With that said, my lovely friend, let's call her Esq since she is a lawyer, said I should do a picture update. Meaning, put a before picture up and then an after picture up at the end of every month. Now I've totally considered this before but I got scared. However, with her push, I think I'm going to. I don't have any of me from before I started, besides fully clothed, I doubt I'd ever put up one with just a sports bra on, so I'm going to just have to post one of those for now. I'll see if I can find any full body. Then, at the end of the 4 weeks I'll put up a new one, side by side of course. I'll continue to do this at the end of every bootcamp session.
For now, here is the only full body I could find:
Okay wait. I just got totally grossed out. I'm not even sure I can do this! I literally could NOT find any full body photos on my laptop or facebook because I TOTALLY don't post them or I edit or crop them. I had to pull out my memory card. Upon doing so, OMG I'm ready to cry. Let's just say that...Okay...I'm going to get it together. I must post, both for myself and those of you out there also struggling. But most of all, so I can be reminded to NEVER get back here. For those of you out there who love me, please keep pushing me. It truly makes a difference.
Here we go, second try...I've gotten utterly great at knowing how to pose (thanks Mariah!) for pics so that I don't look too fat, but these are the rare instances where I let it all hang out:
Ugh, I'm so skeeved out just by looking at them! Alas, I must move on and continue on this journey. I NEVER want to see myself back here again and I'll be damned if I ever let anyone see me this weak again!
Anyway, needless to say, next time the pics will be more professional, ya know, front back side, all that jazz.
Last night I threw on a pair of sweats that are my go-to pants for comfort! I noticed something weird, they KEPT falling down! You know the strings that you use to make them tighter? Well, those strings had long since tied themselves into a knot and I cannot get it undone! I need to make them tighter and I can't! I'm not saying I lost a bunch of weight, we all know it's only 10 pounds. But, it did make me happy to notice something that is a NSV (Non-scale victory). Now when can I get rid of this horrid double chin?! It makes my head look bigger than it already is! I mean, my head is HUGE.
Today was an upper body day. Seems W told a few of the girls that today we would be doing pull ups. I am SO glad he did not tell me that. I would have been dreading it!
We started off running, as usual for our warm up. After that, we came over to our mats and began doing all sorts of weight lifts and also exercises using the resistance bands. I was whewwwww. It felt SO GOOD though!
I also had AMAZING shin splints today. The pain was WORSE than ever. However, I couldn't let it slow me down. We were running on soft asphalt which definitely helped but then he brought us over to what looked like a way too high hill. I asked if we were just gonna roll down it. Ha! I couldn't imagine running up that thing! Alas, what did we have to do? W stood at the top and let us know that it was time to run up and down and up and down and up and down and so on...he also said that he didn't want to see us get halfway up the hill and then start to walk, we had to follow through. That always helps me, a pep talk and a threat. HA!
Anyway, I did it! I ran through the pain (I'll probably pay for it tomorrow). I ran and ran and man it felt GOOD. After 2 minutes of this it was time to do wall sits.
I hate these with a passion and fire I never knew I had inside of me. However, I did them and I'm still alive.
I must say, the word "bootcamp" sounds scary. I hear that from so many of you who are suffering through the same disease, laziness and obesity. However, the women, W and just the way the entire group pushes each other on is indispensable. We laugh and we joke and we have a good time. That is, until W hears us and says that if we have the energy to laugh and talk then we aren't working hard enough.
Y said something to me today that I found important. She told me how it's not always about the weight we lose. It's also about the inches. Sometimes, the inches aren't shown on the scale (most times). This is why it is important I measure myself again. I will be doing that soon!
Anyway folks, I'm outtie! Busy day in front of me and I just want to let you know how much you all are appreciated. Thank you for following me on this journey, not judging (or judging), being a voice of reason when I'm ready to give in and being a voice of encouragement.
This journey is nowhere near at it's end. But I'm two weeks and 2 days in and I am already beginning to feel like a new person knowing there is a light at the end of the road.