Day 4 - I Get High High High High...

Not in the puff puff pass sense, but more like the "I'm on cloud 9 and it's gonna SUCK when I come down" sense.

Let me start off by saying yesterday was one of the worst days personally that I've had in awhile. I think I cried about 10 times. Crying for me isn't something that happens once in a blue moon. I am a FIRM believer that everyone should cry whenever they feel the need, scream when you wanna scream, and laugh when you wanna laugh. I try to do all three at least once a day just because IT IS GOOD for you. Seriously, my best friend Ang did a study on it in like High School haha.Uh...moving right along...

Needless to say when I awoke this morning I was actually looking forward to boot camp for the first time! When we arrived we immediately had to run laps. Today's bootcamp was at the park (it alternates between 2 different places so we get a different view each day). I have a love/hate relationship with this park. Love, because it is gorgeous. Hate, because it is crawling with people. Today he had us on one half of the basketball courts (they are pretty huge) and of course all of these guys are out there shooting hoops.

You do NOT know embarassing until you are in a dri-fit tight ass shirt and pants and are struggling physically and sweating profusely and you just feel SO gross in front of a TON of dudes watching while you work out. I don't care what anyone says, they totally were watching and I felt beedy eyes. I'm not sure they liked what they saw at this point. I swear, I can't wait til the day when I am not so self concious and I actually don't give a f*** what other people think....Wow. Did I just say that? I can't believe I admitted it.

So often in life I honestly don't give a f*** what people think. But when it comes to my health or weight, I honestly do.

I get really discouraged when I think of how many years I wasted thinking I was "fat" when I truly wasn't and was a healthy size 4-8. Something was seriously wrong with my body image and I guess that's how I let it get this far. You have to be educated about your health before you can go in the right direction. Even the skinniest of women or men aren't necessarily healthy.

Body image & nutrition is something everyone should really study up on. I know they teach it both in high school and college, but the only thing I remember from that class is a teacher asking me if I knew what oral sex was and me saying it was when you talk during sex. (Yeah, I was THAT girl, totally naive).

I am, of course, on a natural high at the moment and I do NOT want to come down! We did serious suicides (you know the ones where you go to a line, touch, go back, go to the next line, go back and so on and so forth). I come from an entire family of athletes, I played basketball for a bit but got too wrapped up in my dreams of NYC and decided to stop and just focus on choir, drama and newspaper staff. (Okay you got me, I was always on the bench). Anyway, I used to LOVE suicides and so I really wanted to push myself when we were doing them, and I did! I ran each one (except the last, i more like jogged/walked) and it felt SO good!

Anyway, we did a lot of all over training today. Tons of cardio, tons of lifting and tons of squats.

When researching the bootcamp I would watch their videos and see the exercises they do and I would say to myself, "Yo, seriously...I'm not going to be able to do ANY of those" and what do you know? I can actually DO them! I may not be able to have the coordination EXACTLY down yet but W is SO good at helping me get it together. It really is like having a personal trainer, only you have the teamwork of others to help push you along! One lady even ran back to help me! I mean seriously, can it get any better?

I did make ONE mistake today, he was trying to make us do an exercise that I had seen in the videos and I knew immediately that I just couldn't do it. So what did I do? I said "I can't". Man, if you say "I Can't" he makes you do ten pushups. So...yeah. You guessed it. I had to do TEN horrendous pushups. But I think I was more stoked just to do them! I would even love to work out for an extra 30 minutes after every class!

With that said, in September the pool near my house has swimming lessons and I think I'm going to start taking those as well twice a week. Yes! I can swim! I just want to get better at it and with my endurance getting stronger I know I can swim even better! Why not, right?

On a serious note, to all of you out there wondering if you can do it? If I can, you can. I know you hear that so much. But it really is true. There is no secret or miracle weight loss or miracle anything.

I can easily drop 30lbs in 6 weeks. I've done it before, but I have never done it by exercising. Just by lowering my calorie intake. I've found that counting calories doesn't work for me! After I lose 30lbs I always go back to eating what I want! I'm from the midwest so steak and potatoes has always been a mainstay for me! And I LOVE to cook yummy down south food! But now I'm trying something different. PORTION control!

Have I had a steak yet? Nope! But if I want one, I'll have one. It won't be huge and I won't load my potato up and I'll definitely eat slow and wait for my body to tell me it's full, when it is, I'll stop. Food is FUEL now. That's all it is.

Usually I try to eat a really healthy cereal full of flax and grains when I get home. But today I just wasn't in the mood. Instead, I treated myself to a cup of apple jacks and skim milk of course! Ha! I know, I didn't go CRAZY but it's much better than an sausage egg and cheese I would normally have from McDonalds. But, the point I'm trying to make here is that you don't have to give up everything you love. Once you do the research on places like McDonald's etc. you'll start to view that food as disgusting. It's true! Now, that's not to say that on Day 30 I won't treat myself to a small fry, I just might! But I won't be super sizing or even getting a medium size!

I don't know if I will stick with everything on the nutritioin. I can't see the future. But I do know that for now, I'm praying with all of my heart and really positive that I CAN do it. And if I can, so can you!

Again, thank you to all of you who read the blog! Your support has been more than amazing on Facebook!

If any of you have questions on the boot camp or want to join, let me know =)


Love,
K